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March 2013 Moms
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FIL not interested?

sdemilio1231sdemilio1231 member
in March 2013 Moms
We live far away from home, but last christmas when we were home my FIL mentioned something about us waiting to have kids and how he didn't want to be around when we did.  Since we weren't trying (this pregnancy wasn't planned), I just let it go in one ear and out the other.  However, while we were home for Christmas this year he didn't ask about the baby at all but just kept saying how we were no longer going to be husband and wife, sara and ed, but instead, mom and dad, and that we were losing our identity.  It was all kind of depressing and not really what I wanted to hear.  I know our lives are going to drastically change, but a little bit of a positive attitude please! After all, babies are miracles!  Then he told my husband that he is just waiting for God to take him and that he feels that since both his kids are raised (his wife died when my husband was four) his job on earth is done.  It kind of hurt my feelings, why doesn't he want to know his grandson and be there for him?  I'm not sure if it hurt DH feelings, I didn't want to bring it up if he hadn't thought of it.  Has anyone else dealt with an in law who didn't seem to care that you were welcoming a new member to the family?  I just feel like this is suppose to be an exciting time, especially for first time grandparents and he seems anything but. 
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Re: FIL not interested?

  • wittyschaffywittyschaffy member

    I hear what you're saying... but nobody will ever be as excited about your baby as you are.  It would be awesome if he was a little happy about it, for sure, but he doesn't have to be. 

    Honestly, it sounds like he's having a rough go of things.  Sometimes becoming a grandparents is tough on people (reminds them that they're aging, etc.)  Sometimes people are just plain strange.  

    I'm willing to bet that you have other people in your life who ARE excited for your LO's arrival and that love and support will overwhelm you when your baby arrives.  Don't let one party pooper ruin it for you.

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  • lifewritelifewrite member
    First off I am sorry that he said such negative things to you about becoming parents. It sounds like he is severely depressed. I would not take it personal that he doesn't want to know his grandson. My mother suffers from depression and she often says things that hurt. You should talk to your DH about it. He likely is use to the negative things said by his father and just pushes them away.
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  • Happy2BPregnantHappy2BPregnant member
    I'm sorry that he said those things to you and your DH.  Perhaps he will change his tune once he meets your little guy?  If not, then it's his loss! 
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  • kateryna72kateryna72 member
    Wow, sounds like your FIL is definitely depressed. I wouldn't take it personally, but I would mention to your husband (and MIL if you are close with her), that you are a little concerned about his mental health. To me, I'd be less upset about his lack of interest in the baby, and more concerned about his comment that he is essentially just waiting to die. That's not a normal statement for anyone. My FIL is very sick right now, and even he has a more upbeat demeanor.
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  • sdemilio1231sdemilio1231 member

    I did say something to DH about him being depressed and he confirmed that he was, and has been for awhile.  He lives with my husbands sister, so he has constant super vision.  His wife, my MIL passed away when DH was four and he never dated or remarried.  I personally think this has a lot to do with his depression.  He was always really close to my husband, and I think us moving so far away, and my husband only seeing him once a year (due to the army) has been hard for him.  I try to e-mail with him and talk with him because he is a nice man and I do care about him.  They have tried to get him help, but he just isn't interested.  My husband said he thinks that he feels like his life is a failure because he had to quit his job to take care of my husband and his sister after their mother died and they had a hard time with money and things.  I do feel badly for him and I wish we were closer and able to help.  I guess the comments about not wanting to be alive when his grandchild got here was the comment that really got to me, but you're right maybe I am being too selfish and need to look at the bigger picture.

    Thanks for the advice and a different outlook on the situation ladies! I guess when you are really excited about something and it is a such a big part of your life it's hard to see things from someone else's POV, but you're right. I think I am missing the bigger issue here, his health and well being.  

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