In other drama...(way tl;dr)

pearblossom · January 2013

I accidentally saw my friend's bankruptcy paperwork last night. And by accidentally, I mean it kind of seemed like she intended for me to see it. She cleaned out her spare room for my kids to sleep in and literally removed everything except the baby monitor and the papers, which the baby monitor sitting directly on.

I'm torn between feeling bad for her because it probably sucks balls, to being furious. This bush has bought a ridiculously huge house, a 2013 truck, and several fabulous vacations this year. We try not to judge because we can never tell if they rub it in our faces or if we are just jealous.

I think I need a break from her, or I might run my mouth about it. I had to sit through their vacation plans to Vegas next month, their humble brag about adopting an orphan for Christmas, and the tour of their new electronic gadgets. I almost barfed.

Also, she has been complaining about being "chemically imbalanced and depressed", and I reached out to her and talked to her about my anxiety issues. The dates of her messages about it line up exactly with the dates of her bankruptcy filing and court date. I feel manipulated and used. You aren't imbalanced, you are out of money ho! Rationally, I know that her money problems are likely a symptom of depression. But I told her some vulnerable shiz, man. And she is a lying liar who lies and it makes me feel icky.

[Deleted User] · January 2013

Yeah I wonder if out of control spending is her way of self-medicating.

She definitely wanted you to see those papers.

pearblossom · January 2013

overture:
Yeah I wonder if out of control spending is her way of self-medicating.
She definitely wanted you to see those papers.

I'm so irritated by that. You show me the papers, and then force me to smile and make chit chat about your child free Vegas week? Am I supposed to bring it up, or was this just a play for some extra pity friendship? Eff that.

Sorry for your problems, but I only hang out with big girls.

Elsa1984 · January 2013

I would pretend I didn't see it. I was babysitting for a "wealthy" couple I knew. There was a knock at the front door and I ignored it. Later, I went to see if maybe it was a package and taped to the door was paperwork stating they had not made their mortgage payments in several months and owned 15,000. I left it blowing in the breeze on the front door and pretended I didn't see it. The dad came home and grabbed it.

No offense but they spent money unwisely and now it is kicking them in the asss. I don't think you should feel bad for them and I would let their purchases, vacations, etc....go in one ear and out the other. We have friends like that, spend tons of money they don't have and make 120k a year, yet they are cheating the state and the state feeds their three kids. We no longer hang out with them because they were constantly showing us all of their new gadgets, cars, concerts, vacations, etc.....when we knew the state was feeding their kids. They weren't filing bankruptcy, but it still hard to be friends with someone when you know they are liars and they are buying all of this stuff for show.

Edited: they have three kids, not two

pennysuedog · January 2013

I would have had sympathy if she was just up-front about the situation. Being lied to by someone you are close with always feels icky.

Elsa1984 · January 2013

pennysuedog:
I would have had sympathy if she was just upfront about the situation.nbsp; Being lied to by someone you are close with always feels icky.

Yes. But now I am thinkin', maybe she didn't know how to approach it? Who knows. But yes it would be one thing if she had you over and was up front that they had been spending money unwisely and then told you that they were having to file bankruptcy. It's different when they continue talking about all their great purchases, and leaving paperwork out. Not saying they HAVE to tell people they are filing. I have had a couple of friends file and some were open and honest about it am were very careful about spending before/during/after....and other couples didnt say anything and just stopped spending money out with friends an such. But it's weird to be spending like crazy WHILE you are filing and pretend nothing is going on.

thetheisens · January 2013

I would feel the the same way, pb. It would be hard not to judge their spending, especially if they are still planning expensive vacations. I agree that the spending could definitely be a way she is coping with her depression. I know we spend money on things we shouldn't sometimes, but we never go into huge debt or spend more than a couple hundred bucks on frivolous things. I would have a hard time feeling bad for her because of what they were spending money on, it's not like they need to pay off a bunch of medical bills. But everyone does stupid things, hopefully she will get help for her depression and not use spending money as a way to cope.

missyishere · January 2013

pennysuedog:
I would have had sympathy if she was just up-front about the situation. Being lied to by someone you are close with always feels icky.

I agree. If she really had an issue with confronting you about it, Pear, intentionally leaving them for you to see is still a backroad way of being upfront about it. She knew you were going to see them, and she assumed you would speak up, feeling sorry for her.

I've had a friend or two take advantage of my people pleasing flaw. I am not good with confrontation, so I have no great advice to give. I would probably just talk to her less and less until she's finally out of my life. I'm a total puss though. I do, however, attempt to support my distanced friends' kids. I always feel really guilty for breaking a relationship with kids I care for.

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