Can AP's take baby right from hospital

AriaMommy · January 2013

I'm trying to sort things out in my head, make decisions and all. We are not working with an agency but through a lawyer since I found the family on my own. I'm not sure if that makes a difference like can the baby go home with them or is cradle care nessecary? Can I being the baby home for a few days then have them come get baby? I think I want those few days to just say goodbye ...

dholsapp · January 2013

Depends on the state I believe. In indiana we were able to take DS home right from the hospital once the courts granted us custody.

Mrs.Slick · January 2013

Depends on the state. In some states TPR is signed quicker than others. For example, I believe TX is after 48 hours so its more than likely AP's would take the baby home/hotel from the hospital but I think LA is 5 or so days, so cradle care is often utilized.

I may be wrong on the timelines but you get the point

Dr.Loretta · January 2013

Typically (and yes it can vary by state and situation) the baby goes home with the APs as long as their homestudy is done and paperwork has been signed, etc. Sometimes the birthmom and/or baby needs to stay at the hospital for a few days, so they stay together and the APs take the baby home upon discharge (that's what happened with us--DD was a few days old). I haven't seen a lot of cradle care situations.

But as the pp noted, talk to your lawyer and see how this is usually handled, and communicate your wishes to everyone involved so there are no surprises. And since you're still pretty early on, leave room for flexibility if things change along the way.

mommytoconnor · January 2013

It all depends on the state reg's. I work in the nursery and OB dept and depending on what the circumstances are, we have had AP take the baby straight from the hospital. In AZ is depends on the birth mothers desires. It is typically decided before she goes to hospital, because the hospital will have to have apprporiate paperwork completed in order for this to happen. Check with your lawyer, they should know what the laws are for your state.

IRR · January 2013

It sounds like you are having some doubts. I must say as an AP I would be very uncomfortable with a BM bringing the baby home for a few days. If this is what you want, that is fine but do not have the AP's come to the hospital for delivery, because once you get the baby home, you may change your mind completely and that will cause the AP's major heartbreak. I am talking from experience here, so I would be upfront with the AP about your desires, but just know it may not sit well with them.

AriaMommy · January 2013

I.don't want to sound rude to anyone but when that baby comes out it is still MY baby and if my way of grieving Nd saying my goodbyes is bonding with that baby in my own space for a few days then I'm sure as hell going to do it. I am not doubting my decision at all I am not questioning if this is right or not I am simply making my mind up on how to correctly hand my baby to his or her parents. In my mind I can't fully or properly grieve somone that I got to spend time with for two daysi am going to be carrying this baby for nine MONTHS!!! how is three days an adequate meeting time after feeling the kicks, the heartbeat ,after getting the contractions??? Now someone tell me that!

AriaMommy · January 2013

I'm sorry I must be coming off as a ***.. that wasn't my intention. Your perspective is a good one to know it's just hormones flooding my brain. I'm sorry again.

AriaMommy · January 2013

I'm apologizing I understand I read the posts and instantly responded. I now know what y'all were trying to say and I am sorry again. I'm not use to hearing how AP's would feel on the decisions I'm making its difficult sometimes to please everyone and I think in this instance I decided wrongly that I was only thinking of me.. again I apologize

Ginny0211 · January 2013

I wish that I had NOT signed the papers at the hospital. I wish that we had gone to my home or a hotel or anywhere else. Adding the hospitals rules and regulations on top of the pain of signing the papers and leaving empty handed was too much. They would not let me hold my baby for the trip downstairs out of the maternity area since I had already signed the papers. Normally moms are wheeled downstairs holding their baby, but they would not let me do this since I had signed the TPR papers so they discussed for awhile how to handle this. I still remember the nurse say "well, she's not the mom anymore so..." those words still sting. Finally they decided that his Amom could carry him down. Ugh it was a big ordeal. It just made a hard day way worse.

I had envisioned simply handing my birthson into his mom's arms as I left. Instead the nurses made it into a huge ordeal and a nurse ended up handing my birthson to his mom while we were in the room. I wanted the nurses to go away and it just be the birthfather, me and the Aparents. I didn't want an audience of nurses. I had envisioned handing him to his parents, kissing him on the forehead, giving them a hug and then leaving. Instead their was papers, procedures, nurses and rules.

I have heard other's say that their hospital handled it very well. So my experience I think is not typical. The head nurse apologized to me the next day on the phone for the way they handled it. But regardless, if I could go back in time, one thing I would change would of been signing of the papers and discharge from the hospital.

I completely agree with the idea that it is good to say "hi" before saying goodbye. I actually heard a birthmom say that while I was pregnant with my birthson.Take as much time as you feel you need to do that. We had three days in the hospital to get to know my birthson and I absolutely cherish that time with him! It was such a painful time, but the moment I met him was also one of the happiest times in my life and I was so happy when he was in my arms in the hospital. Those are moments that you can treasure forever. You decide how long you need to soak in those precious moments.

Me personally, if I spent a night at home taking care of him and being mommy in the real world (as appose to in the hospital) that would of been too hard for me. Everyone's different though. Only you know what you can handle.

I hope you find what will bring you the most peace and comfort during a hard time.

Ginny0211 · January 2013

justbeachy109:
I read a blog that is written by an AP who just adopted her third son. The EM took the baby home with her for a couple of days before placing.
https://www.therhouse.com/our-jackson/

Thank you for sharing! What a beautiful story. That is like the placement I had envisioned.

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