"It should be easy for you to get KU now" (Vent)

crystalknpp · January 2013

Has anyone else received this comment? So many people who know about our struggles to have Ben have told me that since I've carried a baby to term our next pregnancy should be cake. They keep saying that I'll be "super" fertile and that my body knows what to do now. Seriously?

This comment bugs me so much because I know that it's unbelievably false. Did me carrying Ben to term miraculously give me my left fallopian tube back? Or fix the "fluke" genetic issues the babies I lost had? Ummm no I don't think so.

I am being extremely realistic when it comes to trying for baby #2. I know that it could take us 3yrs again to get pregnant or it may not happen at all. That is very scary sometimes but I would rather be honest with myself then have unrealistic expectations of getting KU our first cycle.

::Vent Over::

martinimomma · January 2013

People make so many stupid comments when it comes to fertility that it just boggles the mind. Sorry you're having to deal with that. That being said, I hope #2 is much easier for you and someday you can just tell them they were right.

Aubs0009 · January 2013

It's so frustrating!

Hugs that you have an easier road this round!

Petunia844 · January 2013

Not exactly...but I get a similar one, people assume I won't be terrified this time...ummmm...wrong. I had pre-e the first time, my son died the first time... I might be a tiny hair less scared, maybe. I got upset when DH the other day asked if we still had to do "all that" referring to extra monitoring and the MFM...yes, I will always be high risk and always be scared! Anyways, not hijack your post, but just suffice it to say that with a different issue, I totally understand.

ETA: just realized this kinda sounds like I'm KU again and I am so NOT! Just meant next time I am *hopefully* pregnant again.

Junebug060609 · January 2013

Yeah, having a kid didn't make a lick of difference in my ability to have a successful subsequent pregnancy.

damabo80 · January 2013

I get this from DH, interestingly enough (among others). He may be right, as the majority of our IF issues stemmed from my hormonal issues. And PG does help to level it out.

So once I got KUed the first time (after 3 years of trying), I managed to get KU 3 times in a year. And DS was au natural.

So, depending on the IF dx, it could be true. But for a couple dealing with MFI or something like that, no, PG is not going to help your DH make more sperm.

SharonB222 · January 2013

Yes, I receive that comment - even after 8yrs, 5 pg losses and IVF-ICSI-PGS-FET. Yes, it irks me. The comment may be an a little true, but not because of the pregnancy, but because of the prep we did for IVF (uterine surgery, DH took vits) and it certainly wouldn't be easy (TTC#2 NTNP over 1 year = BFNs for us). I scheduled a FET in March and with 2 snowbabies we have a 70% chance of another babe, and 30% chance of being One and Done with our DD --- I near completely write off the "easy to get KU now" although to be fair it's may be a 5% chance for us (harumpf).

Oh, BTW - It can be "luck"--- Most times took me 1 year to conceive (1 tube, other minor factors), but it once took me only 2 months and it once took me over 2 years --- this is how secondary infertility comes about for some - they got lucky the first time; or how primary infertility patients can be pleasantly surprised - they get lucky the second time --- but for most IF folks, it's the average, moderately hard for each.

Wishing you are pleasantly surprised, but setting expectations realistically: it may be a long road...

bmv1980 · January 2013

People have no idea what they're saying...especially those that have never experienced a loss.

[[hugs]] I hope you get KU, no problem!!!!

amidkiff · January 2013

It's amazing how clueless people are when they have not gone through fertility issues. Even though they think they know it all, especially with those my cousins best friends sister stories.

NY-allie · January 2013

People can be clueless. I'm one of those "lucky" people who had secondary infertility. I got KUed on the 1st try the 1st and 2nd time. Lost my 2nd child at 11.5 weeks and then had infertility problems. Having a successful pg does not mean you will have a 2nd child easily.

crystalknpp · January 2013

Thank you girls for all of your comments and for sharing your stories! I think what blows my mind is how truly clueless some women can be about pregnancy and how not so "easy" it is for a lot of women.

big_noise · January 2013

You can feel free to use me as an example. I had no trouble with DD at all and then 2 m/c's trying for this one. The only thing reassuring is knowing your body has previously carried a baby to full term. That's it. The rest is still terrifying.

That said, I did chart with DD and this time and on the TMI charting level, I did have a lot more fertile cm after my cycles kicked back in post-DD than before. No idea if that is coincidence or not, just thought it was worth it if it helps at all.

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