Joining the Ranks
DarkSerendipity
member
I joined the ranks of preemie parents last night at 2am when I underwent a c-section at 35 weeks with my baby girl, Lilliana, because of pre-term labor that just would not be stopped. She came into the world screaming, seeming so strong. She was transferred to the NICU when it was found that she was working a little too hard to breathe.
I was determined to get up and moving (even though it was 6-7 hours after the c-section), so I got to see her yesterday morning - she was on CPAP and getting sugar water through a line in her belly button to regulate her blood sugar. She was getting just room air, but then had to add oxygen to the mix later on in the day. They say she's doing really well for a baby of her gestational age. I started pumping, but they may not start her on feeds until later today.
I woke up not long ago, in tremendous pain - physically and emotionally. I feel so guilty - it feels like it's my fault for putting her through this. We should be taking her home when I get discharged, but that's looking unlikely. I know it's for the best, but I feel horrible leaving her here. Are these feelings normal, or am I just going crazy?
Re: Joining the Ranks
Welcome! You are already in good shape for having made it as far as you did -- like PPs mentioned, fingers crossed your have the typical, short NICU stay for babies born as far along as yours!
While what you're feeling is normal, don't dwell on the guilt -- it's over, your LO is here, and nothing good comes from feeling guilty about her early arrival. It also won't help with pumping, either.
Keep at the pumping -- don't get discouraged (I did -- I had more than one tearful phone convo with the LCs during those first two weeks), but it's all worked out in the long run.
Reach out for whatever support you need, but don't feel bad turning people away. Personally, I handle these situations better with just my DH and parents (and at times, just my DH) -- and I didn't really want to talk to anyone else. And, EVERYONE else cares so much and you'll feel guilty that you're not keeping them up to speed or in the loop or allowing them to visit or whatever. Let them deal with it -- they'll get over it.
Focus on yourself and your LO right now. That's ALL that matters. Seriously.
Congratulations on Lilliana! Your feelings are totally normal. I gave birth at 32w3d to a very strong little boy. He's almost 12 weeks old now, but I still wonder about what I did or didn't do that may have caused my pre-term labor. I also took my time getting to the hospital because I didn't think anything major was going on - who knows if labor could've been stopped had I gotten there sooner. But really, these things just happen and it's out of our control. I'm comforted by thinking that things could've been so much worse.
You kept her cooking for a very long time and that's great! At least the physical pain will be a distant memory soon. I hope she gets to come home very soon and that you feel better!
Me: PCOS DH: Low everything (MFI)
Clomid with TI x 3 2010 BFN
Clomid+IUI+Ovidrel 2010 BFN
IVF w/ICSI #1 2011
9/8/11 Beta #1: 2082!! 9/19/11 Beta#2 34,689!! U/S 9/22/11 HR 127! 11/8/11 HR 150! 12/6/11 HR 136! 12/14/11 HR 139! Born at 26w2d on 2/4/2012! After 83 days in the NICU, Adalyn came home on 4/26/12!
FET 1 3/2013 BFN
FET 2 5/2013 BFN
Congrats on Liliana's birth!
My DD was born at 33w5d and believe me, we all know what it's like to feel like we failed our LOs. But you didn't and as time goes on, it will be easier to cope with your feelings.
Everything sounds pretty standard, so just keep up with pumping and she'll be home before you know it! And get walking to help with healing from your section, even though it's the last thing you want to do.
And I love your avatar - Wicked is awesome!
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
Congratulations on the birth of your baby! All of your feelings are TOTALLY normal. I'm sorry you had to leave without your baby. I had to leave my 36 weeker behind, too, and they often go home right away, so you just never know.
Keep up the good work with pumping. It feels so pointless at first and it seems like such a tiny amount but it does get easier and more effective. Good luck with everything!
I understand the feelings of guilt. My son was born 29 weeks 6 days on November 3, 2012, at 3 lbs 8 oz, 17 in. He was due on January 13, 2013. He was discharged on December 21. I thought that we would never go home, and that my place was to be with him through every moment and breath while he was in the NICU.
One of the most important things the staff and nurses taught me is that I need to take care of myself so that I was ready to be at my best when I was there with my son. Give yourself time to rest and heal, prepare yourself so you are energized and focused when your there with your daughter.
Also, the staff and nurses have been through tremendous training and have seen numerous babies. Trust in them to know when your daughter is ready to go home. And, most importantly be patient with everyone, your daughter and yourself. My son, is only now just 8 lbs and seems like a newborn, but is two months old. I hope all goes well.