Not PAL related rant..

JulyMomma2U2 · January 2013

So.. being pregnant with my second so close to having DS brings up a LOT of fears and worries.. worries about how I'm going to handle it.. was it the right decision.. how will DS adjust, etc, etc, etc.. now, I know there's a 2U2 board.. and, i've thought several times about posting about this.. just getting it off my chest.. hearing from others that these fears are normal, etc.. but.. here's the thing.. I remember when I firstttttt found out I was pregnant and I was lurking on the 2U2 board, I read a post where the OP was talking about something similar and several people were jumping on her saying she should have thought about these things before getting pregnant again.. to me that's super offensive.. and, is even more upsetting.. because if I was OP and someone said to me "you should have thought about that before getting KU again".. I would feel even WORSE about myself..

So.. hence I haven't posted about any of those fears/worries/concerns.. and, it's sort of eating me up inside. Hmph.

crystalknpp · January 2013

DH and I have been talking a lot lately about when to TTC #2 because it took us 3yrs to have Ben. I'm not pregnant yet but I have the same exact fears that you do about the possibility of 2u2 and I think how you are feeling is 100% normal. I think it may be a challenge having two so close together but then having a second once your first was 4 or 5 would also have challenges just different ones. My friends daughter is 4yrs old and gets angry if you even mention her ever having a little brother or sister because she likes being an only child and doesn't like to share. Try to think about how close your two LO's will be growing up so close in age!

JulyMomma2U2 · January 2013

crystalknpp:
DH and I have been talking a lot lately about when to TTC #2 because it took us 3yrs to have Ben. I'm not pregnant yet but I have the same exact fears that you do about the possibility of 2u2 and I think how you are feeling is 100% normal. I think it may be a challenge having two so close together but then having a second once your first was 4 or 5 would also have challenges just different ones. My friends daughter is 4yrs old and gets angry if you even mention her ever having a little brother or sister because she likes being an only child and doesn't like to share. Try to think about how close your two LO's will be growing up so close in age!

This is actually a big problem for me I was banking on this.. when I found out I was pregnant, I clung to this like it was my jobbbbb.. anytime my family was like you're crazy, what were you thinking, etc etc.. I played up this aspect of how close they'd be...

And thennnnnn.. earlier this week I told my boss about being pregnant again.. her initial question was am I nervous.. and I responded, no, I'm excited.. I can't wait to have 2 so close so they can grow up and be best buds.. she then was telling me her and her sister are 13 months apart and they were not close at all.. and made a really good point.. age really has nothing to do with it, it's more personality..

I hadn't really thought about that.. and, now that terrifies me even more.. because, it's absolutely true. What happens if my 2 are opposite personality and don't get along at all? What if they have no interest in each other? Plus, now my "defense" when/if people pass judgement when they find out is faulty.. sigh

Junebug060609 · January 2013

I had similar worries before my recent mc. If that pregnancy had continued, the kids would've been 20 months apart. I think it's normal to worry about the changes that will come with adding a new kid to the mix...regardless of the age gap. FWIW, to ease my concerns I focused on trying to come up with ways to make it easier rather than freaking out. Things like having DH take overnight duty with DS or getting a sitter periodically especially the first few months or how I could prepare DS for the adjustment.

When the time comes, you'll make it work. All you can do now is prepare.

crystalknpp · January 2013

missbea3:
crystalknpp:
Try to think about how close your two LO's will be growing up so close in age!
This is actually a big problem for me I was banking on this.. when I found out I was pregnant, I clung to this like it was my jobbbbb.. anytime my family was like you're crazy, what were you thinking, etc etc.. I played up this aspect of how close they'd be...
And thennnnnn.. earlier this week I told my boss about being pregnant again.. her initial question was am I nervous.. and I responded, no, I'm excited.. I can't wait to have 2 so close so they can grow up and be best buds.. she then was telling me her and her sister are 13 months apart and they were not close at all.. and made a really good point.. age really has nothing to do with it, it's more personality..
I hadn't really thought about that.. and, now that terrifies me even more.. because, it's absolutely true. What happens if my 2 are opposite personality and don't get along at all? What if they have no interest in each other? Plus, now my "defense" when/if people pass judgement when they find out is faulty.. sigh

Well if it makes you feel any better my brother and I were close in age, about 20 months apart, and we couldn't be more opposite. Sure we fought when we were kids but most siblings do. We also always played together and did things together and it was great having a sibling close to my age to grow up with. Even though during our teenage years we weren't that close as adults he's one of my best friends and we can talk to each other about anything! They could be 5yrs apart, have different personalities, and not get along. There are pros and cons to both but I'm sure your LO's will be just fine!

Missa_g · January 2013

My situation is obviously different since I have had 2u2 from the very beginning. But you will make it work. It seems incredibly overwhelming imagining it, but just like having one you figure it out.

tetiananina · January 2013

I don't have this experience yet but my SIL had 3u2 she had twins the second pregnancy. My oldest nephew is amazing with the twins. He calls them Guys, and is a mediator with them. He will stop them from fighting etc. he just turned 3 in Nov and the twins turn 2 in March. I know the situation may not be ideal but stay positive. It will work itself out.

Sending you lots of hugs!

FmrAFBrat · January 2013

((HUGS)) I think a lot of people worry about their kids being too close in age. I worry a lot too since my DH works a lot with his new job & I am still working. It feels like a pressure cooker-esp with timing of everything.

I think a lot of times we have a lot of plans and expectations & that's not really how life works. (The funny thing is if you told me a little over 2 years ago I would be expecting #2 right now-I would have probably punched them. It took me 10 months/11 cycles to concieve my EP.) It helps to take things day by day & this time around I am trying to plan ahead (I didn't have everything ready when Landon was born) and to actually have a plan to deal with 2U2, mainly organization.

My biggest stressor is the feeling that once LO is born L won't get enough attention from me or will feel left out. I am really trying to keep his world as much as possible the same once this LO is born since they will be 18 or 19 months apart. My brother & I were 21 months apart, me being the older & I can remember being booted from my bed to a makeshift cot....and when my MIL mentioned moving L to the other room & bed I was livid.

That being said I think the babies will have a lot of fun growing up together so close in age, but it will be work. I guess everything in life that's worthwhile takes a lot of work though. You can do it.

JulyMomma2U2 · January 2013

softskate31:
I'll admit that when I saw your bfp announcement I was thinking judgey thoughts b/c of all the complaints/issues you had in the early weeks with #1 - wondering how you would handle another kid when you had such a hard time with one. - BUT - then I reminded myself, that you will figure it out, just like every other 2u2 or 2u1 mom does. You have to figure it out - your kids depend on you to figure it out, you will learn a way to make things work - even if you have to ask for help, or have your house be a horrible mess, or not get laundry or groceries done - you will figure out a way to survive and once you survuve you will thrive.

its interesting that you bring up our challenges with DS1... I honestly think him being so tough... Colic for 4 months straight.. Terrible reflux.. Even now, we have lots of issues with tummy sensitivities etc.. I think in a lot of ways this makes us better prepared.. We know how to handle a difficult baby.. We know what works.. And we also are well aware that what works for one doesn't always work for another.. But having dealt with months of terrible constant screaming, and few people to relate.. We've gotten through it and survived and see that there is a light at the end... And I really think that if LO2 has colic issues as well, we are prepared.. From an emotional and physical standpoint..

Also.. My fears are more about how I wil juggle things n the beginning.. Having a RCS means I can't pick up DS for weeks.. This will mean relying on help all the time in the beginning... Tough it's available to me, it's not something I'd normally accept.. Even with DS being so difficult and colicky, we never asked for help.. DH and I managed it.. Sure there were days DH would come home and me and DS would be n tears BC DS would have screamed alllllll. Day long, but we managed it.. This time, I will have no choice but ask for help... Something that I'm not so used to.. Depending n others.. It just makes me feel like right off the bat people will think "I can't handle this" because. Need help.. Kwim?

And my other fears are about the well being of the kids.. Is it going to make DS have to grow up faster? Will DS be resentful? I know we will be able to give both children all the love and affection we have, and I just hope that's enough.

i also think switching to PT work will make a big difference.. Right now I'm working full time,, so I see DS only a few hours a day.. And I think that's where my fears are stemming., how would I be able to give him enough attention is I was splitting m 3 hours a day with hm between 2 babies..well, I won't be.. Because ill only work 3 days a week so they will get 4 days a week of full attention from me, and the 3 days m working, we'll make it work..

I don't know... My fears come and go.. It just bugs me when people judge... If this is what we want to do, that's our decision. We want 4 children, if life grants us such.. I also have a career.. It makes more sense to have our children closer in age and take a few years off as PT then it is to space them all out and always be going through tough stages... Plus, in in a field where its important to stay up to date.. Science and medicine are ever changing.. It's not something I could step away from fr 10 years and then go back to down the line.. I need to stay with my foot in the door to continue to grow and be up to date... Idk, this is the plan that works best for us.. It angers me thinking how many people will pass judgement.. Its my life not yours, therefore my decision..

tbone_bride · January 2013

Hugs

My two kids are 28 months apart, not exactly 2 under 2 but close. I'm not going to lie, it's hard, but it's awesome too. I can see my kids looking at each other and it melts my heart. My daughter is GREAT with my son. Sure, she gets jealous, but I try hard to spend some one on one time with her. And I praise her when she is sweet with him, which is most of the time. He looks up at her and smiles and laughs, it's the sweetest thing. And she tells me how she will read to him when he's bigger and play with her toys with him.

Getting help is a must. I have help from my parents and it keeps me sane. Thinking of hiring someone part time to give my parents a break too, since they are getting older.

You'll be fine, good luck!!!

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