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September 2012 Moms
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Fighting in front of kids

mamaHippo23mamaHippo23 member
in September 2012 Moms

I didn't think we would have this problem yet since me and DH rarely get in serious fights, but yesterday...oh man. We really got into it with yelling, crying, finger pointing (I know, real mature). It was healthy for our relationship, since the tension had been building for a while, but unfortunately W was awake for most of it :( I don't mind if he sees us argue sometimes, because working out disagreements is a big part of life, but still I can't help feeling guilty. W is only 4 months so there's no way he comprehended what he heard, but he definitely picked up our anxiety and was fussy the rest of the night.

My question is, how do you avoid fighting in front of kids? Especially when they're little and can't be unsupervised for long. Do you hit the pause button and resume later? Step outside? My concern is if we always stop in the middle of our onversation we'll never go back and resolve anything.  

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Re: Fighting in front of kids

  • MississippiCatfishMississippiCatfish member
    This is going to sound snarky, but I don't mean it that way. Talk about it calmly instead. Really, it's healthier than screaming, whether kids are there or not. I don't know...my husband and I have yet to have a yelling match, I just think its counter productive.
    *E 10/2012, H 7/2014, F 2/2016*
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  • BakerMommyBakerMommy member
    It's healthy for kids to see you disagreeing respectfully and handling conflict together. That way they know that a fight isn't the end of the world or the relationship. However, if it's getting nasty, I'd say step away and cool off, both for them and for your marriage.
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  • Holly_1007Holly_1007 member

    i have a 'no fighting in front of the kids' rule. if one of us is mad we say so, ask for space and agree to discuss it later. it gives both of us time to cool down and think through the disagreement. we continue the discussion when the kids are sleeping so there is no yelling (so we dont wake the kids)

    sorry you and your h got into it, i wouldnt worry about your lo he will be fine :) 

                           
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  • BillyMollyEmmyBillyMollyEmmy member

    imageangieboldt:
    This is going to sound snarky, but I don't mean it that way. Talk about it calmly instead. Really, it's healthier than screaming, whether kids are there or not. I don't know...my husband and I have yet to have a yelling match, I just think its counter productive.

    I wrote almost this exact same paragraph and then decided not to post it in fear that it might sound preachy. But I totally agree with you. Talking calmly, talking about something as soon as it bothers you, coming up with a solution - all very productive. Yelling, screaming, pointing - all very counterproductive and traumatizing for the kiddos. (And this comes from someone who grew up in a yelling, screaming home.)

    Me: 27 DH: 28
    Diagnosis: PCOS, irregular cycles, old lady eggs. DH is fine.
    Started TTC in January 2010. BFP December 25, 2011 between IF appts. 
    DD born August 31, 2012
    Began TTC again in Jan. 2013. 
    Four rounds of Clomid - BFN
    Fifth round of Clomid September/Oct - cancelled
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  • mamaHippo23mamaHippo23 member
    Thanks, these are good suggestions. I agree with the no yelling rule and thankfully this was the first time we let that happen. I grew up in a very uncommunicative family where everyone kept their feelings to themselves and never openly resolved conflicts. I do not want us to be like my parents (now divorced)  so I'm okay with us openly arguing a little because suppressing it is way worse. On the other hand, I don't like constant yelling and hostility either, so we will keep that to a minimum from now on. Hopefully we'll find a happy balance soon after we adjust to our new lives a little more.
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  • MississippiCatfishMississippiCatfish member
    imagemamaHippo23:
    Thanks, these are good suggestions. I agree with the no yelling rule and thankfully this was the first time we let that happen. I grew up in a very uncommunicative family where everyone kept their feelings to themselves and nevernbsp;openly resolved conflicts. I do not wantnbsp;us to be like my parents now divorced nbsp;so I'm okay with us openly arguing a little because suppressing it is way worse. On the other hand, I don't like constant yelling and hostility either, so we will keep that to a minimum from now on. Hopefully we'll find a happy balance soon after we adjust to our new lives a little more.
    I grew up in the same kind of family and I agree, if your natural tendency is to bottle it up, sometimes arguing is better than silent resentment!
    *E 10/2012, H 7/2014, F 2/2016*
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  • gingerfamilygingerfamily member
    We'll talk about it later. It often helps us calm down and realize that things aren't as bad as they may seem.
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