Getting DH used to baby noise / slight vent

mejane123 · January 2013

So DH had a rough time sleeping last night because of DD's baby sleep noises (she's one month old in a cosleeper). At one point he said he was about to go sleep in the guest room because it was annoying to him so much. I pointed out that during the week when he sleeps in the guestroom (a system we worked out because he's up early for work and I'm on out in leave), I don't get the option of sleeping in another room when she's keeping me up and that he knew sleep deprivation comes along with a baby. I wasn't trying to be insensitive and I made sure not gone nasty when I said it, but because I'm BF, I'm getting significantly less sleep than him, so it kind of bugs me when he complains like this.

Overall, he has been fantastic with DD and with helping me out with everything, so I'd hate for anyone to think he's being a slacker or thinks all things baby are my job. Our normal system works great and he splits duties happily. This is the first time he's really had complaints, so I'm looking for a way to maybe make sleep easier on him. I can sleep through her little cries and weird sleep noises pretty well, but he can't. Does anyone have experience with light sleepers having trouble getting used to a baby in the room? I'm thinking a white noise machine might help him sleep better, but I thought I'd check here for suggestions.

Thanks for any ideas :-)

snowybride08 · January 2013

For a while, my DH used ear plugs when DD was little. I was EBF her, so I was always the one to get up with her at night. He sleeps a lot lighter than me, so he would always wake up first, and get frustrated because I wasn't getting up. Maybe that would work for him?

mejane123 · January 2013

snowybride08:
For a while, my DH used ear plugs when DD was little. I was EBF her, so I was always the one to get up with her at night. He sleeps a lot lighter than me, so he would always wake up first, and get frustrated because I wasn't getting up. Maybe that would work for him?

Thats a good idea. Our problem is similar, I'm a heavier sleeper, so he always hears her first. I feel bad and want to make this easier on him, but I think even moving her to her room, which I don't want to do yet,wouldn't even help because he'd still hear her on the monitor.

ridesbuttons · January 2013

My DH slept in a different building the first 6 weeks of life for both kids. He was the one still getting up, going to work, having to function in the 'normal' environment, etc., I saw no reason for both of us to be dog tired and sleep deprived. I was breastfeeding so it's not like he could help out during the night anyway.

Over time (several weeks, hard to remember now) once babes started sleeping more regularly, he migrated back to our bed. No harm done.

I'm not sure why you want him to suffer simply because you are suffering.

mejane123 · January 2013

GhostMonkey:
I'd tell mine to nut up and get over it, but that's me.

I was thisclose to saying that last night, but I figured I'd ask for ideas here before letting out my normal snark. It may come to that tonight, though :-)

mejane123 · January 2013

ridesbuttons:
My DH slept in a different building the first 6 weeks of life for both kids. He was the one still getting up, going to work, having to function in the 'normal' environment, etc., I saw no reason for both of us to be dog tired and sleep deprived. I was breastfeeding so it's not like he could help out during the night anyway.
Over time (several weeks, hard to remember now) once babes started sleeping more regularly, he migrated back to our bed. No harm done.
I'm not sure why you want him to suffer simply because you are suffering.

I don't want him to suffer, and during the week when he's working, I don't expect him to get up. But on the weekends I wouldn't mind a bit of a break, however small it might be.

Wufroggy79 · January 2013

It's important for both of you to be able to sleep when you can. If he needs to sleep in another room, let him. That doesn't mean that he can't get up and help you when you need it if baby wakes. H and I use to both get up. One would change her while the other got a bottle ready. One would then go back to sleep while the other fed and rocked back to sleep. The next time she woke, we changed roles. It worked for us. Find a balance where you are both happy.

mejane123 · January 2013

Wufroggy79:
It's important for both of you to be able to sleep when you can. If he needs to sleep in another room, let him. That doesn't mean that he can't get up and help you when you need it if baby wakes. H and I use to both get up. One would change her while the other got a bottle ready. One would then go back to sleep while the other fed and rocked back to sleep. The next time she woke, we changed roles. It worked for us. Find a balance where you are both happy.

I like this. One of the biggest problems I have is how long it takes her to go back to sleep after eating, so sharing that sounds good. Once she's on a bottle regularly, maybe we'll try splitting this way.

FormerlyKrista555 · January 2013

He'll get used to it. Just give it time.

That's all I've got for you. :P

mejane123 · January 2013

IrishCoffee7:
mejane123:
ridesbuttons:

My DH slept in a different building the first 6 weeks of life for both kids. He was the one still getting up, going to work, having to function in the 'normal' environment, etc., I saw no reason for both of us to be dog tired and sleep deprived. I was breastfeeding so it's not like he could help out during the night anyway.

Over time (several weeks, hard to remember now) once babes started sleeping more regularly, he migrated back to our bed. No harm done.

I'm not sure why you want him to suffer simply because you are suffering.

I don't want him to suffer, and during the week when he's working, I don't expect him to get up. But on the weekends I wouldn't mind a bit of a break, however small it might be.

I guess this doesn't make sense to me because him tossing and turning and not being able to sleep due to a noise that you CAN sleep through isn't exactly him giving you a break. It's just him not sleeping. And unless you're planning to give baby a bottle (which is obviously an option) or your baby is colicky and crying for no clear reason in between feedings, how would he give you a break?
If it's just a matter of him getting better sleep, and you're going to get up with the baby regardless, I'd say let him sleep in the guest room for awhile. It's not a long-term solution, but the baby will probably sleep more deeply for longer periods within a few weeks or months.

I'm not saying he shouldn't give you a break if your baby is screaming all night or you decide to partially bottle-feed, but from the sound of it there's not much he can do to help anyway.

And when he's well-rested in the morning, you can make him watch LO while you take a nap.

We'll be starting her on a bottle full time within the next week or two, so I guess we can just revisit it then. I guess I'd just like some help with after feedings, when her diaper gets changed and I sit with her for another 20 to 40 mInutes until she falls asleep. I'll easily end up awake for an hour to an hour and a half between the three. Sometimes I can put her down when she's still awake or half asleep, but usually she needs /wants to be rocked back to sleep if she doesn't fully NTS.

Wufroggy79 · January 2013

mejane123:
Wufroggy79:
It's important for both of you to be able to sleep when you can. If he needs to sleep in another room, let him. That doesn't mean that he can't get up and help you when you need it if baby wakes. H and I use to both get up. One would change her while the other got a bottle ready. One would then go back to sleep while the other fed and rocked back to sleep. The next time she woke, we changed roles. It worked for us. Find a balance where you are both happy.
I like this. One of the biggest problems I have is how long it takes her to go back to sleep after eating, so sharing that sounds good. Once she's on a bottle regularly, maybe we'll try splitting this way.

If it took DD an extra long time to go back to sleep, we'd say "Tag out" softly on the monitor. The other would come to give relief. In case you aren't doing this already, put minimal lights on for changing and then no light (if you can) for feeding. No talking and interacting with baby to make it seem like play time. Those helped DD kinda stay groggy during all of this and get back to bed faster.

FormerlyKrista555 · January 2013

mejane123:
IrishCoffee7:
mejane123:
ridesbuttons:

My DH slept in a different building the first 6 weeks of life for both kids. He was the one still getting up, going to work, having to function in the 'normal' environment, etc., I saw no reason for both of us to be dog tired and sleep deprived. I was breastfeeding so it's not like he could help out during the night anyway.

Over time (several weeks, hard to remember now) once babes started sleeping more regularly, he migrated back to our bed. No harm done.

I'm not sure why you want him to suffer simply because you are suffering.

I don't want him to suffer, and during the week when he's working, I don't expect him to get up. But on the weekends I wouldn't mind a bit of a break, however small it might be.

I guess this doesn't make sense to me because him tossing and turning and not being able to sleep due to a noise that you CAN sleep through isn't exactly him giving you a break. It's just him not sleeping. And unless you're planning to give baby a bottle (which is obviously an option) or your baby is colicky and crying for no clear reason in between feedings, how would he give you a break?
If it's just a matter of him getting better sleep, and you're going to get up with the baby regardless, I'd say let him sleep in the guest room for awhile. It's not a long-term solution, but the baby will probably sleep more deeply for longer periods within a few weeks or months.

I'm not saying he shouldn't give you a break if your baby is screaming all night or you decide to partially bottle-feed, but from the sound of it there's not much he can do to help anyway.

And when he's well-rested in the morning, you can make him watch LO while you take a nap.

We'll be starting her on a bottle full time within the next week or two, so I guess we can just revisit it then. I guess I'd just like some help with after feedings, when her diaper gets changed and I sit with her for another 20 to 40 mInutes until she falls asleep. I'll easily end up awake for an hour to an hour and a half between the three. Sometimes I can put her down when she's still awake or half asleep, but usually she needs /wants to be rocked back to sleep if she doesn't fully NTS.

I can understand where you're coming from.

I EBF'd both my kids. No bottles. Because my boobs don't respond to the pump. Good times

Anyway, on days when my husband doesn't have to be up early, I'd love for him to be able to soothe my son back to sleep. Unfortunately for me, though, not much will make my son fall asleep quicker than the boob.

It would be nice to get a break.

Just remember that you baby will eventually sleep for longer stretches and everything will be easier. GL

mejane123 · January 2013

Wufroggy79:
mejane123:
Wufroggy79:
It's important for both of you to be able to sleep when you can. If he needs to sleep in another room, let him. That doesn't mean that he can't get up and help you when you need it if baby wakes. H and I use to both get up. One would change her while the other got a bottle ready. One would then go back to sleep while the other fed and rocked back to sleep. The next time she woke, we changed roles. It worked for us. Find a balance where you are both happy.
I like this. One of the biggest problems I have is how long it takes her to go back to sleep after eating, so sharing that sounds good. Once she's on a bottle regularly, maybe we'll try splitting this way.
If it took DD an extra long time to go back to sleep, we'd say "Tag out" softly on the monitor. The other would come to give relief. In case you aren't doing this already, put minimal lights on for changing and then no light (if you can) for feeding. No talking and interacting with baby to make it seem like play time. Those helped DD kinda stay groggy during all of this and get back to bed faster.

I just, in the last few nights, started keeping the main light off to do diaper changes, using just a nightlight. It's been working out well, except when she half wakes up and realizes her diaper is wet. Poopy diapers don't bother her, but she'll pee once and start screaming like she's been in a dirty diaper all day. It's really hard to get her back to sleep after that, even if we're completely quiet and in the dark.

I guess part of me is just concerned with how things will go down once I go back to work in March. Part of my reasoning for DH staying in our room on the weekends is so it isn't a complete shock when we're both getting up for work and handling her throughout the night. But, at the same time, I know (hope!) she'll be sleeping longer by then and may not even need much attention throughout the night. I just don't want to get to the point where only one of us is getting a full night's sleep when we're both getting up at 5 am to go to work for 8 hours. But, maybe I'm worrying too much about that when it hasn't even become an issue.

mejane123 · January 2013

Spooko:
I am a light sleeper and this was problematic for me. At one point we ended up running the humidifier in the room bc dd had a stuffy nose and it was helpful to have the white noise. We kept it long past when she was having trouble just for the noise. Then we actually bought a white noise machine for $20 at walmart. Worth EVERY penny. I still use it. I never knew what I was missing before, but I couldn't live without it now. Just make sure that whatever you get is put on his side of the room so the noise is stronger for him and less obstructive for you to hear the baby.

This is a good point. We have a humidifier and for some reason didn't run it last night. DH had trouble sleeping and I woke up with a stuffy nose and sinus headache. Maybe that was part of the problem?

EastCoastBride · January 2013

To follow on some of the others - him sleeping in another room so that he can get solid stretches of sleep doesn't preclude him from still getting up and helping you. The two issues are actually unrelated.

If he is a light sleeper and wakes up to all her noises that YOU'RE sleeping through - then he's actually probably even more sleep deprived than you are.

Wufroggy79 · January 2013

In two more months of time you will probably have a different night routine. DD went from getting up every three, to every six, to an entire night through by around four months. It will get better.

hopecounts · January 2013

On weekends I'd get up with DD and nurse her then hand her off to DH and he'd change her and get her back down it allowed me a little extra sleep.

dueing the week I let him sleep unless it was a really bad night.

he's a heavy sleeper so he didn't wake unless I woke him.

catycate · January 2013

This was us and honestly, we just bickered and nit picked until DS got out of our room. DH eventually got used to it, but the first 3 months were rough for every one.

gimmietimmies · January 2013

This is totally OT, but does your DH have sleep apnea? This sounds a lot like how my dad and ds sleeps and they both have it.

mejane123 · January 2013

gimmietimmies:
This is totally OT, but does your DH have sleep apnea? This sounds a lot like how my dad and ds sleeps and they both have it.

No, no apnea. He's just a light sleeper. He says it's from years of being on call as an EMT. Even in his sleep, he'd be keeping an ear out for his pager.

MidwestGidget · January 2013

mejane123:
I can sleep through her little cries and weird sleep noises pretty well, but he can't.

Her weird sleep noises will lessen, but they won't stop for awhile. Probably not by March anyway. I agree with PP about the white noise machine. Buy one and keep it in her room when you transition her. You'll hear it over the monitor and that should partially help cover her noises, as well as help her by covering noises you two will make around the house.

klondikebar · January 2013

My kids were in our room while DH was on leave, but after that, they went into their rooms and DH and I slept apart for a little bit. He did help out on the weekends. I was sleep deprived and he wasn't, but not being groggy at his job was important for our whole family. And it paid the cleaning ladies;)

You just have to roll with and have him help as much as he can. Babies eventually sleep more and become quieter. This will pass.

Snapdragon750 · January 2013

DH and I are both heavy sleepers so I've got no real advice, but I just have to thumbs-up the idea of a white noise machine in general because you might find that in addition to helping DH, it helps your 1 month old sleep a TON better! Worked for mine! I recommend Homedics on the ocean setting.

zeptattoo · January 2013

My H slept in the guest room for six months. He was complaining about the same thing and I told him to get used to it or sleep elsewhere until Snuggle was sleeping through the night.

Considering DH sleepwalks a lot, I actually slept better with him out of the room, so it didn't bother me.

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