What do you do for birthdays?

Nineoceans · January 2013

Just curious what you guys do, we will never be in a place to have a joint party yet it's stupid for the same kids to come to two parties yet regardless of whose year it is to have him Bm's mom will always throw SS a party with every kid from school. We have him this year and would really like to do the party.

Thoughts?

Ilumine · January 2013

So do the party?

Invitations are not summons. These kids (their parents really) can and will RSVP yes or no depending on their schedules.

The only thing you CAN do is get the invitations out first.

fellesferie · January 2013

As a parent of a school-age child, even one in a BF, I think I would be a little confused by getting two sets of invitations. I also don't think that I would try to make both parties. Just because we tend to be really busy.

I'm not saying don't do it. I think you probably should. But if there is any way to hand out the invites in person or follow them up with a phone call, I would try to do that. Because if the situation was explained to me I would bend over backwards to get my kid to both parties.

socloudy99 · January 2013

We have done a couple joint parties when they were younger. Now that they are all teens they usually have a movie/sleepover at BMs (since their friends live locally). We split the cost of the movie and usually provide cake/ice cream/soda. We always have a small family "party" at the house with cake and give them our presents on our weekend around there birthday.

This year for my SD turning 17 years old we took her, her boyfriend, and her best friend out for dinner. It was fun!

If you know she plans on the kid party why don't you take a small group of his close friends to an indoor waterpark or some kind of activity.

I think two parties are fine as long as they aren't the same exact party. DH isn't going to tell BM not to have one anymore then he would expect BM to tell him not to have one. We just try to do something different.

CFjo2010 · January 2013

We know BM is going to throw K a party even if we have already planned one, swe don't throw one. We have our family party for K, and then we let her pick a few friends to go do something as a play date. Last year K wanted to do Disney 365 and get makeovers, this year she wants to do laser tag and lunch. We would love to host a big party for K with all her friends, but we don't want to put people in the position where they feel they need to "choose" which party to attend.

dor79 · January 2013

When the kids were younger we used to split the cost of a rental place for them and their friends. Now that they are older they pick what the want to do... usually it will be around BM house . We do a party at our house for the relatives though, since all their cousins are on their dads side.

mom2one · January 2013

It would never, ever be on ex's radar to do a party for DS's friends. That is a Mom thing in our family. I do, however, invite ex and family to DS's party.

Sunday924 · January 2013

With SS #1 we have his party with friends and some years his mom does something small for him and some years she does nothing. With SS # 2 we just have a family party somewhere and we let BM do the party with friends.

I think it would be strange to have two parties where you invite everyone.

hterry85 · January 2013

We live 45 min from where SS goes to school. It's a really small town, so there isn't much available for a place to have a party, and we don't expect everyone to drive here. So unless BM ever agreed otherwise we let her do the school party.

If you know she's throwing the party I would maybe just do something else. Just with a few of his close friends...call up the parents and explain...I know BM is throwing a party, but we'd like to celebrate with some of his friends too, and invite them to do xyz. Make it a no gifts thing, just a day to go do something with some friends.

Littlejen22 · January 2013

Honestly I know it sucks but if you know the kid will have another fullblown party then I would do something else and be happy I do not have to be part of the expensive keeping up with the Jones of birthday parties. I would either have a small gathering of kids that are not invited such as your friends' kids and relatives or skip a party and do something instead, an experience whether it is the same thing yearly or something different yearly to celebrate can be something just as or more special. And I really think that parties are very spoiling these days I do one and totally think this but my guilt is from the shared birthday near Christmas and two parties is excessive. And if I got two invites from the same party I would either assume people were out of theirs ds or if I knew it was a BF I would be totally judging people for either not knowing what else is going on in a kids life or not getting it together enough for the kid.

That is not a flame at all, just my honest answer to what I would think.

lvnlife3184 · January 2013

we are in the same situation. with SD we have had a bigger party the past 2 years because her bday is in september so weather is nice and we use our backyard. had a bouncehouse and did family and friends. DH's coworkers have kids around the same age and it worked well.

SS is younger and we haven't had a kid party for him because we only really know 1 set of parents out of his school friends. so we've only done family for him. also his bday is in Feb so its kind of hard to invite a bunch of people to the house since we can't use the yard to put everyone.

DH is wanting to do a big party for SS next month whether it be at a bowling alley or somewhere....i told him i find it ridiculous to invite some of these kids to 2 parties because BM will have a big party for him also. that means those parents would be buying 2 gifts.

i really like the idea of doing something different with a few friends and not making anyone worry about buying a gift. if you explain to the child that they are having a party with BM already i think they would understand and i'm going to talk to DH about that. SS likes laser tag so i may tell him maybe they can make a boys day out of it and him and another dad or something take a few boys to play while we just do a family party at home another day.

sabrina69barnes · January 2013

We do birthdays separate from BM. I don't think SK's have ever had a party with their friends. BM doesn't really do parties. We live two hours away from her and where the kids go to school so I've never tried to invite friends. For SK's I do a small family party. They pick their theme and food. I make their cake. They get one small gift from DH and I along with a Visa giftcard. We take them out to lunch and shopping for an afternoon the next weekend we have them. A children's museum around an hour away has a girls only lock in that always seems to fall on SD's birthday weekend so we've done that as well the past few years.

When BF was involved we did joint birthdays for DS1's 1st and 2nd birthday. The first one sucked since DS was in the hospital that week. The second one was after DH and I were together but a few weeks before we got married. I tried to do a joint party but it didn't go well. BF was either inside my house watching TV alone or acting a in way that wasn't appropriate for a children's party. I didn't invite him to DS's 3rd birthday and by the 4th he was no longer involved.

DS1 has never had a kid party either. He has a summer birthday and there was no one he liked enough to want to invite after not seeing them for several weeks. We have celebrated his birthday like SK's. This year he has mentioned wanting a kid party.

twister22 · January 2013

If you really want to hold your own big party, send out invitations a tad early and after the invites are sent out let BM know that you took care of the party this year, that invites are out and that she is more than welcome to attend (if you're okay with that.) However, know that she may send out her own invites for her own party. If I was on the receiving end of that, I would think that BF couldn't get their sh!t together and I would side-eye them and I would just feel awkward being involved in their drama, and then trying to decide if I should fit two parties into my busy schedule and two presents into my tight budget or if I should just pick one or if I should not go at all.

If I were you guys I would just let SS pick what he wants to do with three or four close friends. Like PPs said - movies, laser tag, indoor water park, etc.

Littlejen22 · January 2013

Sorry but I think sending ouvites early when she has done it every year is obnoxious and rude, if you want to have a party and invite friends then you need to step up and tell her instead of making her look like an idiot when friends parents call her to RSVP and mention the other party. Even if she is a biotch about it two wrongs don't make a right. And people are more likely to go to the party that the usual parent is having and you can look like an ass.

sweetdreamz6700 · January 2013

We kinda do our own thing for SS's. BM usually has a small get together planned, we usually do a family type party and have the boys invite a friend or 2. Its both difficult and easy since thier bdays are a day apart and they have joint parties.

Ginlyn0 · January 2013

We don't do school friend parties ever for any of the kids. Our family is large enough as it is. There are 32 in our immediate family (meaning DH & my siblings, parents and nieces and nephews). Sometimes we invite a couple of our friends from church and their kids. That's it.

hterry85 · January 2013

Littlejen22:
Sorry but I think sending ouvites early when she has done it every year is obnoxious and rude, if you want to have a party and invite friends then you need to step up and tell her instead of making her look like an idiot when friends parents call her to RSVP and mention the other party. Even if she is a biotch about it two wrongs don't make a right. And people are more likely to go to the party that the usual parent is having and you can look like an ass.

This. And honestly, if we got invites to two parties for the same kid, we probably wouldn't go to either just to avoid the drama.

Nineoceans · January 2013

It's a little different bc SS is new to the school district so Bm's MOM not her her mom. Isn't yet known for this. I agree with the majority though. I think we are going to do a small adventure bday like laser tag and allow SS to bring two friends and we will invite the cousins

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