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Blended Families
PrincessFiona9
member
severing rights
PrincessFiona9
member
I have sole legal and physical custody of DD. Since our judgment for custody/visitation/child support was finalized in 2011 EX has paid 1 c/s payment and has been incarcerated for exactly 50% of the time since then. He is currently incarcerated and no one knows when he will be out again. He's been on parole so when he gets in trouble (this last time for failed drug tests) he gets sent back to prison for usually 4-6 months. Does anyone have any experience with this type of situation, and how difficult it would be to get EX's parental rights severed altogether? I caved pretty easily to EOW visitation when we went to mediation, and I regret it now. I guess I just really wanted to believe that EX would finally step up but I know he's never going to change. FI would really like to adopt DD, and DD is very excited about FI becoming her stepdad when we marry.
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Re: severing rights
I would talk to your attorney, as these things vary state to state. Would BD willingly sign over his rights and allow FI to adopt DD? You could offer to forgive him of all owed CS if he does so.
If BD does not want his rights severed I think it would be a long, costly, drawn-out process. I think a judge would give him plenty of time to "prove himself," and if, and only if, he fails at that, FI would be able to adopt DD (after you marry.) I wouldn't start the process until you are married.
I have a cousin who lost rights to her children, and the SM adopted them, but that was only because said cousin didn't show up to a single court hearing. If she would have showed up to just ONE, she would have had time to prove herself. This cousin originally had 50/50 with her XH, and then she got EOWE, and then she got supervised visitation, and then she stopped taking her supervised visitation even though she had a right to it. So after she didn't show up to several court dates the judge granted SM the right to adopt her kids.
If BD will not willingly sign over his rights, I would pursue having his time lessened and possibly supervised if he is in and out of jail, as that is not stable for a child.
THIS. Especially if the reason he keeps getting put back in jail is because of failing drug tests. Definitely not a safe environment.
ITA. When he was first awarded visitation it was a supervised break-in schedule but now it's not required to be anymore. I called the mediation company and they can't help me till EX is out of jail, so I will have to go to a lawyer next.
I honestly don't know what EX would say if I proposed to waive back child support in exchange for him signing over rights. He puts on a big act about wanting to be a part of DD's life but his actions don't back up his words.
You have gotten a lot of good advice. The only thing that I would add is that I would move slowly with this. I understand wanting to keep your ex away from the kiddo, but for me, I would want to wait a year or two after you get married before beginning to look at the adoption process. I think that it could add a lot of stress to a new marriage, and that wouldn't be good for anyone.
Definitely talk with your attorney. You might be able to amend your CO in ways that give you more power and flexibility. Good luck!
This. Also look into abandonment in your state to see if your ex has legally abandoned your child.
I do appreciate the great advice and input. Regarding abandonment, I've found that the parent must have no attempts at contact or support for 6 months. It's been 1 month so far for contact (this time). The termination of parental rights has stipulations that definitely seem to be in my favor; such as EX's felonies, chemical dependency, irregular contact, lack of child support. FI doesn't have to adopt DD anytime soon, I just want EX out of her life. My state doesn't require another person to adopt LO.