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Speaking of birthdays, a question on being equal

sabrina69barnessabrina69barnes member
in Blended Families

The post below got me thinking. Sk's live with BM two hours away. We have never had a kid party for them because of the distance of their friends. I don't think BM has ever had one either.

DS has also never had a kid party. He hasn't wanted one until now. Up until now we have always done all the kids birthdays very similar with the exception of 1st birthdays. Whenever we do someone different, even if it's small like a new game, all the other kids want it for their next birthday.

This year DS wants to invite the boys from Cub Scouts along with one girl from his class that we see outside of school. A party with that many kids isn't something I want at my house. DS really likes a local pottery place so I'm thinking I'll have his party there.  There is a fee and you pay for a min of people even if they don't show.

I'm wonder how I should handle this with SK's and their birthday. DH and I try to be fair and treat the kids equally but I'm not going to tell my bio kids they can never have a kid party since it wont work for SK's to have a kid party here. 

I'm not opposed to having a kids party for SK but I don't see it working. Their friends are at least 2hrs away. I don't want a kid party in my house. I don't think friends would show up so Sk's would be disappointed and I'd have to pay for a min number of people even if they weren't there. IMO that's a waste of money. There isn't a place for a party in the town where SK's live. There is nothingness between our town and BM.

I'm wondering how I can make this as fair and equal as possible. 

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Re: Speaking of birthdays, a question on being equal

  • jenjen930jenjen930 member
    I have no doubt I will struggle with things like this too once we bring a baby home.  I am interested to see the answers that other people have come up with.  I worry sometimes that things will not be able to be exactly equal between my child and my SD.
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  • jennipalmerjennipalmer member

    I am BM for a short period of time I lived 5 hours from my kids but for bithday parties I would drive out get hotel. I tried going to a party for my son his dad threw but I just got mad because nobody came so I know he did what he always does and invited like the day before.

    I can understand not having party at home but driving 2 hours is not that far go to Chuck E Cheese or something. My kids always bug me for the bigger parties because my ex is not a planner and niether is his wife. My parties have always beeen kind of elaborate.

     

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  • twister22twister22 member

    There's got to be SOMETHING where SKs live - a bounce house place, a pottery place, laser tag, Chuck E Cheese, indoor waterpark - SOMETHING! If there really is nothing, you could stay in a hotel and invite SKs friends and it could be an indoor pool party. Or you could go to a park if the weather is nice and grill out and have a bounce house, Frisbee, chalk, etc.

    SKs will have to learn that fair isn't always equal, though. Just because one kid got to have a certain game doesn't mean all the kids do.  

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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Then have a mini party and at the time you need to explain that they cannot invite people that live 2 hours away. Or have a party near them and ask BM if she wants to go in on it with you. Or if it is near you and If it is just your kids you can go to a place that has opn hours like Color Me Mine or BuildABear that does not require a booking, or an arcade or amusement park. Do the special thing, have a cake a celebrate.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • WahooWahoo member

    I would throw a party at a children's party place (Chuck E Cheese, Gym, bounce house, build a bear, etc.).  If their birthdays are in the summer you can even try the park or a community pool.  Two hours is not too far for you to drive down for the day.  In fact, if you get a hotel room, sometimes you can throw a party in the hotel pool (get permission first).

    Not sure how old your SKs are, but there comes a time where they do not want too many friends, more like their 6-8 besties.  Of course, it may be different if they have never had a party.

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
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  • HopeforthebestHopeforthebest member

    We are long distance, but the years we have the kids for their birthdays we have parties for them.

    We have helped cultivate friendships with the kids near our house, my friends that have kids, my niece/nephew. So while it is not possible at this age to have their school friends here for their birthday parties, they still get to have a good time with people they know and let's face it ...they are kids. Cake, presents, and fun is pretty much what they are after.

    We even encourage letter writing through out the year with the other kids when we send care packages, along with photos so that helps build the friendships I think.

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  • sabrina69barnessabrina69barnes member

    SK's live in a very small town. It only has one stoplight and isn't even big enough for a Wal-mart. When I say there is nothing, I mean nothing. There is one motel in town but it only has an outdoor pool. Sk's birthday's are both in winter. They do have a DQ but because DS2 has severe allergies he can't even go inside. SS and SD are both 8 and are young enough that they want their little brother at their party. The nearest "big" town in a college town. They have a lot of bars, strip clubs, and limited fast food but last I checked there was nothing that would work for a kids party. DH grew up in this town and said when he was a kid everyone has parties at home. Most kids lived on a farm so there was plenty of room.

    Aside from where we are, the next town with any sort of play place, pottery place, etc, is an hour and a half away from BM in the opposite direction of our house. It also seems too far for SK's friends/ parents to want to drive.

    I feel like when they are older we will have some more options like sleepovers and there will probably be more in the area but for now I'm stumped. I know this may just come down to use explaining that sometimes things aren't fair but I hate that it has to be that way.

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  • sabrina69barnessabrina69barnes member
    imageHopeforthebest:

    We are long distance, but the years we have the kids for their birthdays we have parties for them.

    We have helped cultivate friendships with the kids near our house, my friends that have kids, my niece/nephew. So while it is not possible at this age to have their school friends here for their birthday parties, they still get to have a good time with people they know and let's face it ...they are kids. Cake, presents, and fun is pretty much what they are after.

    We even encourage letter writing through out the year with the other kids when we send care packages, along with photos so that helps build the friendships I think.

    This could work for SS. There are a lot of other boys on our street that he plays with when here is here. DS is friends with some of them as well. It's not really an option for SD though. There aren't really any girls her age. At church she is the only girl in her sunday school class.

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