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Public Opinion Poll: Driving

jenjen930jenjen930 member
in Blended Families

I am just wondering what most people do about driving.  BM believes that DH should do all of the driving, and we believe that she should do half.  We don't have anything in the CO about it, but Indiana guidelines says we should pick up SD at the beginning of the weekend, and BM should pick her up at the end.  We live about 30 minutes apart at the most.  How do you all handle transporting of the kids between parents? 

This is a constant source of argument between us.  Gas is expensive, and DH frequently only gets one day - Sunday - to stay home and relax.  Plus, it cuts into his already limited time with SD because we have to leave earlier to take her home.

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Re: Public Opinion Poll: Driving

  • jennipalmerjennipalmer member
    It is not stated in our CO either about general exchanges however Las Vegas rule of thumb is receiving parent picks up. There are stipulation in my CO because I am SAHM and ex husband is bartender on second shift and they only have one car. I could have fought it more but all I wanted was to see kids as much as possible.

     

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  • jenjen930jenjen930 member

    imagejennipalmer:
    It is not stated in our CO either about general exchanges however Las Vegas rule of thumb is receiving parent picks up. There are stipulation in my CO because I am SAHM and ex husband is bartender on second shift and they only have one car. I could have fought it more but all I wanted was to see kids as much as possible.

    So this means you would pick up, and then he would pick up from you?  What would you have fought for?

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  • jennipalmerjennipalmer member
    Yes I pick up from him he picks up from me. During the wek because he is bartender at night I pick them up and take them to school next morning on my days so I drive lots more then him. But arguement was first his working hours and second he is sleeping when I take them to school. They argued safety of him being tired in morning to get them to school.

     

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  • nattyncbridenattyncbride member
    imagejenjen930:

    ...Indiana guidelines says we should pick up SD at the beginning of the weekend, and BM should pick her up at the end...This is a constant source of argument between us.  

    Maybe this is too simple of an answer, maybe I'm missing something, but if IN guidelines state you should pick up pre-weekend and she should pick up post-weekend, then why don't you just do that?  You go pick up on Friday (or whatever day) and let BM come on Sundays.  If she doesn't come, that's her choice and you get more time!  I bet she will come.  If the issue is that she complains and then DH caves, maybe just explain the IN guidelines, cite the cost of gas and time, and again, let her pick up on Sundays.

    Good luck - hope it all works out! 

    If being a math nerd is wrong, I don't wanna be right!
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  • bebe11bebe11 member

    My ex does all the driving, we used to live 5 minutes from each other but 4 years ago we both moved and our distance is about 20-25 minutes.  The way we have the schedule set up, is that HE does pick ups at the school and drop offs at school, so it works in my favor.

    My H usually meets BM2 half way, or we just pick her up since we don't see her that often it isn't is big deal.

    BM1 only lives 1 mile from us, so that is easy either way.

     

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  • twister22twister22 member
    I would follow IN guidelines. Go to pick SD up at the start of your weekend. Text/email BM Friday evening letting her know that per IN guidelines, it is her responsibility to pick SD up at the end of your time Sunday, and that you will not be bringing her home. Then stick to your guns. Like wendi said, BM isn't going to be eager to give YH extra time, so odds are she'll be there Sunday evening. She may be pissy, but she'll be there.
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  • ldmessingldmessing member
    Our court order states that the biological mother does all the driving
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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member

    With DD, we meet halfway. Our CO technically says that he should pick up from me and I pick up from him. However, I had a protective order in 2005 which specified that we meet at a certain location, once that expired we just never went back to the CO for pick up/drop offs. I have tried to convince BD to do so, but he prefers what we currently do. I could probably force him to change but it's just not worth it to me.

    We do all the driving with my SKs, somehow DH's order was worded that way and he didn't know any better at the time. The standard for our state is to split driving.

    DD goes to her dad's on opposite weekends of when the kids come. So basically every Fri we are either picking up kids or dropping DD off and every Sunday we are either dropping off kids or picking DD up. So we can't plan anything on those nights Sad

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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  • lb1212lb1212 member
    When BM moved out of town, DH would meet a little over half-way to pick up SD. Not that BM is back in town, DH picks up SD at school on Friday and BM picks SD up Sunday evenings. With DH's job promotion (yea DH!), BM will drop SD off on Friday and DH will take SD to BM on Sunday.
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  • socloudy99socloudy99 member
    DH's CO is the recieving parent does the driving also. We stopped this when the kids were little. Both the BMs constantly caused drama during pick up at our house. Trying to get in the house, wanting to argue, arriving really early or really late. We have done all the driving for years. The cost of gas and time was so worth the smooth transition for the kids. It was stressing us and the kids out every visitation just wondering what was going to happen. I wouldn't suggest it for everyone but it works so much better for us!
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  • IlumineIlumine member

    It can get convoluted when you divorce overseas....

    For Summer Visitation (split equally between parents, with residential parent getting second half of the summer)

    1) if the parents live less than 12 hours away, the exchange is to be mid-way.

    2) if the parents live more than 12 hours away, the cost of the flights are to be split equally.

    For Holiday Visitation (alternated even years BM gets Winter Break and DH gets Thanksgiving and Spring break, odd years DH gets Winter Break and BM gets Thanksgiving and Spring Break)

    1) if the parents live less than 12 hours away, the exchange is to be mid-way.

    2) if the parents live more than 12 hours away, the cost of the flights are solely the responsibility of the recieving parent.

    Basically, this was put into place because DH and BM were in Germany when she left him.  They knew that he could be stationed overseas again.  Paying for 2-3 overseas tickets is very expensive.  and while DH always always exercised his visitation options (he saved his money), BM never once exercised her options

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  • jenjen930jenjen930 member
    imagenattyncbride:
    imagejenjen930:

    ...Indiana guidelines says we should pick up SD at the beginning of the weekend, and BM should pick her up at the end...This is a constant source of argument between us.  

    Maybe this is too simple of an answer, maybe I'm missing something, but if IN guidelines state you should pick up pre-weekend and she should pick up post-weekend, then why don't you just do that?  You go pick up on Friday (or whatever day) and let BM come on Sundays.  If she doesn't come, that's her choice and you get more time!  I bet she will come.  If the issue is that she complains and then DH caves, maybe just explain the IN guidelines, cite the cost of gas and time, and again, let her pick up on Sundays.

    Good luck - hope it all works out! 

    See, ideally that's what we do.  But if BM refuses to pick her up, then what?  She has to get to school on Monday.  And one time, we did put our foot down and told her we were NOT driving SD home.  BM called the police on us.  I have never in my life been so angry as I was that day.  Never.  They ended up doing a "wellness check" on us.  It was embarrasing, and insulting, and I can't help but wonder what SD thought when she was asked to come to the door to have a police officer ask her if she was okay.  I think she was like 11 or so at the time.

    When she's in a good mood she complies.  But there's always something with her.  Now she doesn't have a car anyway (another long story), so that doesn't help anything.  It's really not the end of the world, and we do what we have to do for SD.  It's just frustrating.

    I was just more curious to see what other people do.  BM has an entitlement complex, and thinks because DH is a man he should have all the responsibility and she should have none.  I'm all for women's rights and stuff, but that doesn't erase responsibility.

    Thanks ladies!

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