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July 2013 Moms
blondii428
member
My best friend isn't happy for me..
blondii428
member
I was explaining to some of my friends that we are moving the wedding up due to venue problems (I want to tell them all in person). Right away my best friend since 8th grade guessed that I was pregnant, so I told her the truth.
She didn't give a response other than "alright." I finally said that I was expecting a different reaction and she said that she can't say anything because she thinks that we should have waited until after we were married. She's always been by the books and I understand that, but even though this maybe isn't the way she would have planned her life, can't she still be happy for me? It's not like I'm a pregnant teen, I'm almost 26 with a stable career and fiance!
Anyone else have a heartless reaction like this? I'm crying my eyes out right now.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My best friend isn't happy for me..
I am not a fan of the judging that your BFF is doing. You should have waited until after you were married? She needs to grow up it seems. Life happens. It doesn't always go according to plan. It's not picket fences, rainbows, & puppies. Some of the best things in life are happy surprises. AND even if you did plan it this way, it's YOUR plan. She isn't going to be able to put her stamp on every decision you and your hubby-to-be will make.
Don't let her reaction ruin one of the best journey's of your life. She's going to be missing out big time if she's hung up on your life not following the path she chose for herself. Keep your chin up!
It might just take her a little time to get used to the idea. Especially since you've kept it a secret this long. Maybe she figured as BFF's she should have been one of the first to know.
I was pretty devastated when I found out my 16 year old sister was expecting, not just because she was 16 and not just because she wasn't married, but because I found out through Facebook from my father 3 months in! Way to make me feel like part of the family, guys! What other secrets have you been keeping from me?
See how it can escalate like that? It took me about 2 months or so to come around to the idea of my baby sister being a mom before me, and even longer to forgive her for not telling me. But eventually I did, and I love my precious niece. I'm glad hubby and I will be giving her her first cousin in July!
Give her a little time. She'll come around eventually.
My DH's best friend had a similar reaction to hearing our news (we had barely been dating 2 months when I got KU, and he was aghast that we were going to stay together and have the baby). He was really cold about it, especially to me, and even refused to be my husband's best man. It came out much later that the whole drama was less about us being together and having a baby than it was about him losing his best bachelor friend, and feeling left behind.
Is it possible that after 14-odd years of friendship your friend is just afraid of the changes this will mean in your relationship? Either way I'd make sure she understands that her reaction has hurt your feelings is badly, and that she should find a way to keep her baggage off your train.
I could have almost wrote this exact post. Except change best friend with mom. When I told her she was like "I need a drink" she's coming around and she's excited to be a grandma just wish we had waited. Oh well life happens we werent trying or anything.
The wedding is in 9 days! Then it will be all baby. :]
I'd just give her some time to process. And surely after the wedding shell start to get excited. And definitely after the baby is born, everyone forgets any reason they weren't happy because it's a cute innocent baby that people can't help but love.
Trust me, my cousin had a baby that everyone was pissed about, but it's all good now since she's a cutie pie.
She sounds judgmental and of course you want your best friend to be happy for you.
That being said, maybe she has legit reasons to be envious, you don't know. And I think that we sometimes overestimate how happy everyone needs to be for us. Other people have their lives and their feelings. You should be happy, your partner should be happy, your parents and IL's should be happy... That's really all that matters.
It sounds to me like she just needs some time to process the information. She sounds like she has certain values/expectations/etc. that she believes (i.e. not having kids until after marriage) which is fine. She probably thought because you were so close, you also identified with those values/expectations/etc. And she's adjusting her thoughts now. None of that is bad and it doesn't mean she doesn't care for you, it means she needs some time. She'll be happy for you in the long run, or she wasn't that good of a friend to begin with.
Me:27, DH:28 - DX: MFI, varicocele repair Nov 2011
Post-Op SA: Count- 15 million, Motility- 75%, Morphology- 3%
IVF with ICSI - Stimming 10/4/12 - 10/13/12, Lupron Trigger
ER 10/18/12, 12 eggs retrieved, 8 mature, 5 fertilized
5 day transfer 10/23/12, 3 frosties
Beta #1 11/5/12: 453, Beta #2 11/7/12: 1,013, DD born 7/19/13
My best friend of 18 years has no interest in marriage and definitely no interest in children. Before she moved across the country to finish her Master's degree, we used to gossip for hours on the phone about her wild and crazy life, go out to the bars, take the train to Chicago and go to little fancy wine bars, and rent movies while drinking bottles of wine!
As soon as I told her I was pregnant, she said, "Oh... well that sucks" and then nothing else. I have talked to her MAYBE twice since then (in the 10 weeks I've known I was KU). I just decided to surround myself with positive people... and if she doesn't approve of my new life now, then oh well. This is my life now and I'm happy with it. I don't even make the effort to talk to her anymore even though it sucks... but it's just not worth the stress of all her negativity about my choices. I'm 24 and I am happy with my life!
If she doesn't come around... figure out what is most important to you!
Don't Sweat! It sucks I hear ya! I am 12 weeks, and so excited! Both our families are far from even impressed. Neither have said horrible things (at least not to us) However no one is thrilled! It sucks that you know they aren't happy for you.
All of our friends are stoked for us, why can't everyone just be happy! This is supposed to be the best time ever!!!
I say, if your happy... Keep your chin up! Sounds like you and I are in pretty much the exact same boat, age, career, and fiance wise!
Like i said, just remember, if you and your fiance are happy, then nothing else matters
My BFF from k-12 told me she was pregnant on my 17th birthday. She was 20 weeks. It sucked. Obviously being a teen mom is different than your situation, but... I was shocked she waited so long to tell me. That hurt. And the situation itself wasn't ideal. She thought I was jealous, and that was not the case at all.
Her life is in a different place than yours is. Give it time. You've been friends for a long time. The changes in your life affect hers, too, indirectly. She'll come around.
BFP #1 5/27/12- m/c 7/9/12 @ 10w2d (cytotec induced @11w).
Fibroids, Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism
BFP #2 11/18/12 EDD 7/27/13