Phantom kicks & talking about baby

Pumpkins+Junebug · January 2013

A couple of questions.

Did any else feel phantom baby kicks after their loss? I know gas bubbles can feel like baby, but these feel just like her little flutters. It's just heartbreaking to feel them. For a split second I forget that she's gone and I think it's her, then I remember. Just wondering if that was a normal part of the process.

Also, how open were your friends & family with talking about the baby? I want to talk about her, but I don't want to make everyone uncomfortable. Especially pictures - she was very early so I can understand how the pictures would not be pleasant for some people to look at (of course as her mama, I think she's perfect and beautiful ) Did you show anyone pictures?

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · January 2013

I did and it's very normal to feel them.

I talk about Corbin all the time. DH and I both do. Our families also talk about him. Sometimes it makes me sad - like when my mom a few weeks ago was out shopping with me and saw something and said "if little man was still with us, I'd totally buy these for him." But I love that my 6,5 and 4 year old niece and nephews talk about him and ask about him.

My situation was different from yours, since Corbin was 34w6d when born and was 36 days old when he became an angel we have pictures everywhere and we show them to people and I post them online. In your situation, you may want to start with just family and very close friends. Ask if they want to see them and state you'd really like to share them but be prepared for them to say know and try to be ok with it.

I'm sure you're daughter is absolutely beautiful!

karebear57 · January 2013

Yea I felt those "flutters" after I lost her. You feel them a lot more at the beginning though. I still feel them from time to time now but I know they are just gas. It is very normal. Sad

I don't talk about her much, but I really want to. If someone asks then I will talk to them about Brianna. Sometimes I'll talk to my dh and my boys ask about her sometimes. I have only showed her picture with my boys and my sister, but they asked to see her. Just like with talking about Bri, I will only show her picture if they ask. I also don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable but at the same time I don't want to pretend she never happened. I even carry a picture of her in my wallet.

Tigger & pooh · January 2013

My problem is a bit different I feel phantom kicks but I actually think I was feeling phantom kicks while pregnant too. because of her defect I don't actually think she was moving. I wouldn't show pictures unless asked to see them. I would mention you have pictures to look at. I also talk about Ella as much as I can but generally I wait for the person to ask about how I am doing first.

Tigger & pooh · January 2013

I don't know if you did this but I found a great frame at Michaels thet has a spot that fits a ultrasound pic and then another spot for footprints and a smaller spot for the mame. I have that set up with my other boys pictures so I feel like she is always here.

jrebele · January 2013

I definitely felt phantom kicks for a few weeks after we had the girls. As far as talking about Sophia, I am very vocal. I love talking about her and I think because her twin sister is here with us and forever linked to Sophia that it is easier and more comfortable for others. I am of the opinion that I shouldn't not talk about my daughter just because it makes someone uncomfortable.

I am selective though on who I show her pictures to. I have only shown them to close family and friends. One of the woman in our support group had a pencil drawing done of her daughter from the picture they took in the hospital and I may do that because the hospital staff took one picture of both girls together and Eva's eyes are just staring at Sophia because she knew her twin sister was right next to her or at least that is what I like to think. I think it would be nice to have something that I feel comfortable hanging up in our house.

lrichmond86 · January 2013

Its very normal to to feel these. After our loss I felt them every day for about a month and then here and there for about six months. Now that I'm pregnant again I feel them again, even though I know its too soon to feel this baby. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Its a cruel trick. Tp for you tonight!