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September 2011 Moms
solsburyhill
member
how can I compete?
solsburyhill
member
So I'm in charge of naming #2. I've started my list of names and will talk about them with DH from time to time. He always says I can pick whatever I want but I do want his opinion, I want him to be happy with the name too (because unlike him, I'm considerate ...)
Anyway, when I ask him for ideas it always comes back to - well I've already picked the greatest name out there, nothing is as awesome as Augie, so I've got nothing.
Great.
So it's always going to be - well Dad named Augie for these 15 amazing reasons and Mom named #2 ____ just because she liked it. How the heck do I compete with that?
The only name of significance to me is John, after my grandpa. But our close friends have a John who is 10 months and FIL's BFF is also John. I can find other names with some meaning but nothing stands up to The Greatest Name Of All Time August!
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Re: how can I compete?
Don't be mad at me, but I think it's weird that DH is solely leaving the name up to you. I know Augie was DH's decision, but he needs to stop saying crap out it being the best name out there - that's not cool IMO.
What was your grandpa's middle name? Can you use that instead of John?
Its all well and good that your H loves Augie's name so much, but he cannot be bringing that up when number two is running around. Once that second child is born and named he needs to drop it forever.
As for your naming, a name doesn't have to have a ton of history to be significant but if you want something significant, think about some of the concerts you and H went to when you were first together and maybe use some of the musician's names as inspiration.
Even if you don't like Phil or Trey or Morrison as names, you can maybe take variations on them or song titles and make it very meaningful. I am hard pressed to name a daughter Seren because of a book I read, and because it means "Star". That's very meaningful to me.
Grandpa's middle name is Frances : ) Which I actually kind of love but DH's cousin is Frances and we have a good friend Frances with a LO Frances Jr.!
Linz - I've been really considering Paige, after Page McConnell from Phish. He's their amazingly awesome pianist. So Paige is on my list for a girl.
I like the idea of finding musical inspiration since its such a big part of my life, thanks!
Paige is a really pretty name.
Do you have a favorite pianist? Or a favorite/meaningful piece you love to play that you could derive a name from?
Out of curiosity, why did your H chose August? (which I love, btw)
Page McConnell is my favorite pianist : )
August - It's his great great grandfather's name, the 1st in the family to come to America, it's a classic old name, it's not popular, he'll be the only on in his class, he had a baseball coach named Augie that he adored growing up, plus there are great nickname possibilities, he can Dr. August, Gus the auto mechanic, Augie the math teacher, whatever he wants! Plus, who doesn't want to have a beer with their buddy Augie?
There are more reasons but they involve our last name, lol.
First, I agree with all of this.
Second, I love the name Paige for a girl, and I love the idea of musical inspiration behind a name. Marley was high on the list of names for Tatum, but was overruled because we live in RI and people would pronounce it "maaah-ley" and that would've driven me bananas. Most names with Rs in them were shot down for that reason. Trey is still high on the list if we ever have a boy.
Third, I also love the idea of literary inspiration - are there any book characters that you love?
I agree with this as well.
Also, I think Paige is a beautiful name!
I second all of this.
Taylor was not named after anybody or anything. I named her Taylor because I loved the name. IMO, just the fact that I loved her name, I chose her name, and there will be no other Taylor like her is what makes her name "meaningful and significant" Especially to me. And just recently I realized that mine, DH, and Taylor's name all end in an "er" sound. So I guess that can add significance without even meaning to. Everything happens for a reason.
Point is, no matter what you name LO, it will be meaningful and significant because there will be no other LO like him/her. August might have been "the best name out there" for Augie. But not for everyone. Maybe that's what YH means when he says that.
I don't think you need to compete. Just find a name you love and if you truly are in charge of naming #2 then your H has to be on board with it. He really should stop saying nothing will be better, especially since you weren't a huge fan of August in the first place.
Baby #2 doesn't need a name until he/she is born so you have plenty of time. Hugs! I know it is frustrating for you!
I don't think a name needs to be after someone exactly either to be great. What about an initial? If O was a girl an option I liked was Maura. Its Irish, like part of both our families, and between DH and I there are 5 women whose names are all different but all start with Ma.
GL!
My feelings are still pretty hurt over how Augie was named and I feel like Henry was *his* name. It just doesn't feel right anymore : (
May I ask what happened?
All stuff I bolded above is not unique to August. You can definitely come up with another old, classic, unique name with great nickname possibilities. I would definitely recommend going to the baby names board. There are a lot of people with similar taste there who can give you great suggestions based on whatever parameters.
As for the personal family significance.....your family tree might not have options that you love, and that's OK (although if you're going all the way back to the baby's great-great-grandparents, that does leave a lot of options-- he'll have 32 of those, plus 16 great-greats, 8 greats, etc). I personally prefer choosing first names that we like and middle names with family significance. John would make a fabulous middle name, especially paired with an uncommon first name! And John is so common that I wouldn't worry about having friends with that name, especially if you're using it as a middle. Do you know you're having a boy, or is this all speculation?
Ugh, I'm sorry. I remember how much you struggled with disliking the name August when you were pregnant and accepting that name eventually.
Your DH needs to stop with the whole "best name" thing and really give you some positive feedback if that's what you want in order to make a decision.
Hopefully he realizes that just because you have the final say over this baby's name, doesn't mean you just want to shove a name down his throat, regardless of his feelings...
I don't really have any constructive advice- just that I really agree with the PPs who said that you really don't need to "compete". Whatever name this baby has will be incredibly special, no matter why you chose that particular name, because it will be his or her only name and it will fit them in a totally unique way.
I also love the idea of using musical or literary inspiration.
We found out we were having a boy and went out to dinner to celebrate and talk names. DH knew I was in love with the name Henry and he vetoes it immediately and said he HAD to name his son August. At which point I vetoed. But he went on and on and on for the next 20 weeks about why he HAD to name the baby August. It got quite dramatic, the name meant a lot to him. There was talk of me ruining his bond with HIS son if he couldn't name him August, talk of the importance of a man passing a special name to his son, it was flat out ridiculous. There were many fights and lots of tears - on both parts.
Coming out of my emergency c/s I begged him one last time to please not force me into a name I HATED. And he begged me to not take this super important thing away from him. He won.
It was ugly.
That sounds rough. I'm sorry you went through that.
Boy or Girl it really doesn't matter. I feel the same amount of pressure to come up with something *great* for a girl too.
ITA on middle names with significance! John is one of two options for middle name for a boy. (the other is Paul after the godfather).
It was hard. I love DH so much and I could see how much it meant to him and in then that's why he won. I knew I would forever feel guilty not letting him have the name. But at the same time, I was (am) hurt that he couldn't see how much I disliked the name and respect that, why didn't he feel any guilty forcing me into a name I hated?
There was never any resolution either. It just is what it is, something I needed to accept and then move on. He's not sorry because he loves the name and it was *that* important. All along he's begged that it's the one thing he wants and that I could name all future children so long as he got his Augie.
So it's not that he doesn't want to be involved with naming #2, he just knows he put me through the ringer with Augie and doesn't have a leg to stand on in terms of disliking a name. But I really think naming a child is an important thing that parents should do together so I'm keeping him involved.
That really, really sucks that he refused to consider your feelings, as if he was the only person that this was important to, but what's done is done. It sounds like he feels guilty about that and wants to make sure you have the same opportunity to steamroll his feelings, but he's not getting that that's not what you want.
Maybe say something like "I love that you think August is such a wonderful name, but when you tell me that no other name will ever approach it, it devalues the name that I might choose before I even come up with it. Also, I know I have final say and I'm not ceding that, but I'm not the type of person who can decide something so important unilaterally without any feedback. Getting your thoughts and opinions would really help me decide what I like. I get that you're trying to do me a favor by letting me choose on my own, but that's not what I want."
If you give us an idea of your style (how important is popularity to you, do you like classic names, names that you like but can't use for one reason or another, etc.), we can make suggestions. But it may also be helpful to shelve the discussion until you know the sex-- why struggle to come up with a name you'll never use?
Wow, I'm so sorry. I remember you saying you didn't like the name but couldn't remember how he got to decide it. That's so hard
If he's letting you have full control over the name, I say go with whatever you love. It will mean something to you no matter what.
This is the best advice thread, ever. Really, excellent advice PP's!
Im sorry your H isn't being cooperative with this. I don't blame you for holding a grudge either.
My DH is in love with the boy name Brady, which I like but definitely do not love, at all. And since we used it so much before finding out Rylee was a girl - I'm sick of it. It seems like we might have an ugly chat if #2 is in fact a boy because I want to veto it.
Good luck, and big hugs....
Sorry you are going through this. Here's my 2 cents...If your question is how can I compete, you can TOTALLY compete! You will find the perfect name for this baby. It will come to you! Henry is an awesome name, so is Paige. Once you decide I think you'll just know, then you just need to psych yourself up, and declare it the BEST name EVER for this baby!
Wow Sols, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Like Manda said, you are definitely a better person because I would've hold the biggest grudge in the world. It brought a lump to my throat reading what happend.
First: like a pp said, you need to sit down and tell him that, ok, he got the perfect name for Augie... FOR Augie. That that doesn't mean that the one you choose it is not has perfect for this baby. He needs to stop bragging about that, why? Who knows in a future he brings that and you kids are bigger and he says that he got the better name in the world for Augie, how is the other gonna feel? He is not gonna do it with the intention of hurting his feelings but that could happen.
Second: Tell him that YOU want him at least to help. Why? He is the father after all and you recognize that.
Third: You still have time for choosing a name. Try not to get desperate. Keep calm and keep on searching. Favorite movies, authors, artists, musicians, characters. Find in other languages names. We did for Matt. Is from Mateo, is biblical and it means "Gift from God". And of course if you still need more help you can always come back and ask for assistance