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August 2011 Moms
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XP. Not sure how to take this.

NotSharknadoNotSharknado member
in August 2011 Moms
I've talked here a bit about Ds's social issues in school and out. He's been in special Ed classes since 2nd grade. He sees the school therapist, speech therapy and social workers. Autism, mute and asperger's has been thrown around in meetings. Since starting Jr. High he has made some improvements. He socializes with a couple boys at lunch and finally answers a question when asked by a teacher. They are usually one word answers and no eye contact, but it's huge progress. He's even participated in games. We aren't putting him through any tests just yet. So that's his backstory, now I'll get to my point. Yesterday, we were sitting in the livingroom and out of the blue, he says "I think my health teacher thinks I'm retarded". We've never used that term in our home and had no idea he even knew that term. We asked why he thinks that and he said he doesn't know. We asked if the teacher called him that and he said no. He clammed up as soon as he realized we were concerned. Should we call his advisory teacher just to let her know he is feeling this way? I don't want to come across like I'm accusing anyone but I also think they need to know that he is aware that he's being treated or talked to differently. Also, where did he learn this word? Is it possible classmates have called him this? We asked, and he wouldn't say. He's not the type to tell us if he's being picked on. My heart sank when he said this to us. Some thoughts and different perspectives would be appreciated. Thanks.
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Re: XP. Not sure how to take this.

  • kjgilhookjgilhoo member
    Yes, definitely give them a call.  I'm sure his teachers would want to know that he opened up about something.  It shouldn't come across as an accusation as long as you quote what your DS said in using the word "think".
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  • NotSharknadoNotSharknado member
    I called and she is going to call me at noon. Thanks guys. I really try to not over think things and make something small into something big, but my gut tells me this needs to be addressed.
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  • JaysonandKristinJaysonandKristin member

    Unfortunately, yes, his peers have probably thrown the word retarded at him.  Or, they've used it around him in reference to someone else.  

    I would make sure it's documented so that his professionals have all the information.  Just in case this becomes pertinent in the future.  

     

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  • Monsieur_et_Madame_HaMonsieur_et_Madame_Ha member

    Oh Shanado, my heart literally sank reading this. I just want to give you and Dom a big ole hug right now.

    I'm not sure how/if I would approach this. Maybe I'd talk to his school counselor about it? I don't know that I would necessarily tell them it was the health teacher. I would maybe tell them DS asked you if his teachers think he is retarded and take it from there? No doubt he learned that word in school if you ask me - I mean, I knew what it meant from a young age and my parents sure never used it around me.

    Good luck and big hugs to you 

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  • MrsCase1MrsCase1 member
    Nobody can advocate the way a mother can. Call!
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  • melissa0726melissa0726 member

    I think it's good that you called.  Focus on wanting to get to the root of his perception (Why would he think the teacher or anyone would think that about him?  Was there a specific incident that maybe triggered his comment to you?), rather than the teacher. 

    I'm sure he heard it from his peers, and it's not necessarily directed to him.  I constantly hear kids referring to themselves, other kids, school, anything as retarded.  

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  • NotSharknadoNotSharknado member
    Okay. I talked to his advisor. It turns out that the health teach also works with other special needs children, some on the more severe side. I didn't know this. Dom was falling behind and having trouble keeping up with the class so he was switched to the special needs class. I also did not know this. So we are thinking that's why he formed this opinion. Now, I just have to figure out where he got the "R" word from and discuss.
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  • melissa0726melissa0726 member

    imageshanado:
    Okay. I talked to his advisor. It turns out that the health teach also works with other special needs children, some on the more severe side. I didn't know this. Dom was falling behind and having trouble keeping up with the class so he was switched to the special needs class. I also did not know this. So we are thinking that's why he formed this opinion. Now, I just have to figure out where he got the "R" word from and discuss.

    Glad you got some answers!

    Does that concern you that he was moved to a different level class without you being informed?  I would think I would want to know about a change like that.  But I don't have kids in school yet, so I don't know how those types of situations work.  

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  • fancefppfancefpp member
    My heart breaks every time I hear about a kid feeling bullied or just down about him/herself. You definitely did the right thing by calling just so they know you are involved and watching the situation. I hope he starts feeling better about that teacher/class. Good luck! 
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  • kjgilhookjgilhoo member

    So, that is a reasonable explanation for why he said what he did. However, I would question why he was moved without you knowing.  I'm not currently, but have been in student support positions and wouldn't make a change like that without informing the parents and doing the paperwork (which parents would need to sign off on).

    As for the "R" word, I would almost guarantee he learned it at school.  Whether or not it was directed at him, hopefully he will tell you.   

    Keep advocating Shanado, you're doing awesome :) 

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  • BnchaNumsBnchaNums member
    I'm so sorry.  I agree with j&k that you probably need to assume that your soon has heard the term from peers, likely directed at him.  Middle school kids are very harsh.  I'm not sure how to address it if he doesn't like to talk about it, but I think you need to be realistic about what he's experiencing.
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  • NotSharknadoNotSharknado member
    She's going to talk with the health teacher after school and call me back this afternoon. I thought because he's already in special needs classes and this is a health class that maybe I didn't have to be informed. But talking on other boards about this, some have mentioned that we would have to have a meeting if there was any type of change. So now I'm thinking otherwise. I really, really hope I misunderstood or misheard her, which is quite possible with a screaming toddler in the background, because I'd hate to think they were going against what we agreed upon and signed off on in previous meetings. As of now, because he doesn't have any kind of diagnoses, he is labeled Emotionally Disturbed. I know that sounds awful, but he has to be labeled something to be in these special Ed classes.
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  • Penny424Penny424 member

    [Okay. I talked to his advisor. It turns out that the health teach also works with other special needs children, some on the more severe side. I didn't know this. Dom was falling behind and having trouble keeping up with the class so he was switched to the special needs class. I also did not know this. So we are thinking that's why he formed this opinion. Now, I just have to figure out where he got the "R" word from and discuss.

    Where do you live????? As a school counselor ( though I work in a high school) I am FLOORED and PISSED for you about the bolded part!!!! The whole point of special  education is to give the least restrictive environment possible. With that being said I do not believe that they can switch his class with out telling you having a CSE meeting... ( I work and l live in NY) I know that there is no way that I would be able to switch a student's schedule with out telling the parent. I would be VERY concerned that they switched his classes without telling you...

    I hope your son knows that he is amazing and unique... I hope this works out for you..... Hugs to your son...

    PM if you want :)

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