Well it was confirmed..
pregokat
member
My babies father (whom I haven't seen in person since the night I left him, before I knew I was pregnant) is expecting another son within the next month..
Idk how to describe this feeling..
I just gave birth less than 2 weeks ago to this beautiful little boy, His father has hidden from me & told me that he's going to laugh If I pursue child support because he's going to request a Dna test and then laugh in my face when it comes back negative because 'he isn't capable of having children'
And he is playing house with this 19 yr old girl, lying to her about his whole life, Living off her and her mother, pretending like he's going to be a father to this other child on the way... Its so completely f*cked up... l do not deserve this.. My son is completely innocent and doesnt deserve a dead beat lying father... I am just so sad that I let this situation happen
I dont really have anyone to talk to about this- anyone have any words to help me see this differently or to make me feel better?
thank you
Re: Well it was confirmed..
Sounds like my daughter's father, except he never denied paternity. Honestly, life goes on and it DOES get better. After I had DD, we lived together for about a year, and in that time, he met another girl, got her pregnant, and planned a wedding with her all behind my back. Maybe I was oblivious, or maybe he was just really good at hiding it. I don't know. It got to the point where I was happier when he didn't come home. When I found out the truth, it HURT. I was ANGRY. I filed for custody and child support. Visitation was rocky for a LONG time.
The soap opera continued thus: His wife kicked him out for cheating, he had another son with someone else, lived with her until she kicked him out (by then I really wasn't listening to all the drama and didn't really care). Tried to get back with his 'wife,' knocked her up again, she ditched him again and they haven't had contact in over 2 years. He's been living with this other girl since then, and DD has regular visitation with him. I still think he is a lying fcktard, but things have definitely mellowed out over the last 6 years.
File for custody/support if you want. If he demands it, the DNA test will show the truth and if the baby is his he can't deny it. Aside from that, though, focus on you and your new baby; I feel like I missed out on a lot of my DD's first year because I was so depressed and stressed having to deal with her father's lying ass all the time.
Very similar situation here. ex had cheated on me got his now current gf pregnant and continued sleeping with me and got me pregnant as well. She gave birth 2 months before me. i had left him and did not know about this other child until i was about 6 months along. He said horrible thnigs to me throughout my pregnancy and also laughed about paternity and CS. I did file for CS and we did do a paternity test. He is now ordered to pay support ( even thuogh he ignores it)
I have been where you are right now and it is not easy. i can tell you it does get better, so much better. Give yourself time to heal and adjust. You are just 2 weeks PP and that causes major emotions as well. Do what is right for you and your son, file for support. Let him demand a paternity test.
He did end up moving out of state with an ex and never told her about my DS. The woman he was seeing at the same time as me we didnt know about each other helped me track him down, then told the new GF about DS. This was about 2 months after he moved out there with her.
We are civil now, talk a lot, but its a struggle to get anyone in his family to acknowledge DS. He married that woman, and she refers to my child as "inappropriate dinner conversation" in front of her kids who are both out of high school and BD is too cowardly to stand up to her, so I'm pretty done with the whole situation. BD has yet to ever meet DS, and I have done my damndest to try with the rest of BD's family to get them involved with DS and I get completely ignored. And BD is more interested in trying to hook up with me again than being a parent or encouraging his family to get to know DS.
Just focus on yourself and your baby. Took me awhile to figure it out, but I was the only one getting upset about the lack of aunts/uncles/grandparrnts//brother from that side of the family. Maybe your ex will change, maybe not. Be open if he decides to be involved, but keep your son's best interests as your 1 priority.
Thank you ladies, Im planning on talking to a lawyer about the laws in my state. I knw they just changed some of the custody laws so I need to figure it out.
I think I should go for child support, but i dont want to give him or his family a chance at being involved at all. It seems like a catch 22.
I doubt his family would try, and it seems like he will run from the courts.. (he's good at that anyways) I've learned him and his family are pretty much career criminals, they are all thieves and drug addicts/ drug dealers. That are good at running from the courts.
Im just afraid to take my chances and have them fight me & get visitation- Id hate for them to be involved with the raising of my son
thank you
I went down to the county building today and learned that Paternity, Child support, Custody, and Visitation are all separate in my state. So I filed for paternity & child support. If he feels the need, he can petition for the custody & visitation (which I highly doubt he will since he has another child on the way & no means of visiting mine, & no means of taking care of mine as well)
I'm assuming he's going to 'avoid' the situation.. and if he avoids it, then they automatically approve the paternity & also automatically award me child support.
I was worried he can 'fake' the paternity test (he is the kinda person willing to do almost anything), but they told me they make you use state issued i.d., take your photo at the time of testing, along with finger prints, all to make sure you are who you say you are.
Anyways- They said its going to be hard to track him down since he's a runner & we dont know where he is living or anything, so not to expect any $ & also not to expect anything to come of this...
But I do feel a little better knowing I'm going to have proof, also that I'm not just letting this slide.. not taking it laying down & letting him 'get away' with it.
thanks for sharing your stories & sharing your advice
I appreciate you ladies