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Natural Birth
GraceInCA
member
Non-Clicky Poll about telling others birth plans
GraceInCA
member
I'm not voluntarily sharing our plans for an unmedicated birth with people, but when they ask, I am honest. The reactions I've received have been horrible. My parents and my father-in-law are incredibly supportive and excited, and feel like it's a great decision. That's about it. Other than the few of my friends who have had natural births, the reactions of other people have been shocking.
One of my best friends (one "emergency" c-section that really wasn't and one elective c-section) told me, "You're out of your mind."
My co-worker asked what my birth plans are and before I answered, she said something like, "You're not one of those women who thinks they should get a medal for not having an epidural, are you?"
Another co-worker asked and I told her, to which she responded (while laughing hysterically), "Oh yeah, like THAT'S gonna happen. You'll be begging for drugs, honey."
At this point, I'm not even discussing it unless I know in advance the person is natural-birth-friendly. Otherwise, I'm just going to say something like, "We will do whatever the doctor recommends." Which is total BS, but most people seem satisfied with an answer like that.
So to those who are pregnant or have given birth, did you discuss it with people? If not, do you feel comfortable with that decision? If you did discuss it, how did you handle naysayers?
Thanks all!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Non-Clicky Poll about telling others birth plans
With DD, I had an epi, and a very good delivery with little intervention. When I tell people I'm not using pain meds this time they can't believe it, especiallly those who were at the hospital during my first birth. They say "But you looked so happy and relaxed!" True, I was not in pain, and my baby is here very safely and happily, but I did NOT like the experience of the epi. From the needles, to the monitoring, the fluids, the bed, all of it. I felt like my birth was something being done TO me rather than something I was doing, so this time I want to experience birth with no pain meds.
I usually give a snarky answer when someone gives me negativity about my plans, something such as "then it's a good things I'm giving birth and not you", or if I'm trying to be nice "we'll see how it goes.". I did threaten my mother to not be in the room if she mentioned a pain med to me again. I'm kind of joking, because I can't imagine her not there, but I think she realizes that I'm very serious about wanting to do this drug free.
It's hard to know what to say when people are curious and ask, especially when you know they're probably going to have something negative to say.
We had a planned home birth. I told maybe 3 people: my sister and two coworkers who are very open minded.
It was the right choice for us not to discuss our plans with a lot of family and friends.
When my water broke at 38 weeks we called our moms and told them we would be having the baby at home.
I know they were worried about it after we told them but honestly, not my problem.
Rather that than deal with their nagging/uneducated fears for months before.
Because Hubby and I are choosing to have a home birth, I am just not talking about it. If someone were to ask, I would tell them, but I am not volunteering the information.
1. It isn't really their business
2. I only want to focus on positive things right now
So yeah, i would also stick with a "we'll see how things go!" kind of attitude! :-)
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Natural hospital birth here
I didn't talk about it but if I was pushed I would say "I would prefer not to but we'll see." I didn't get into all the reasons I wanted to go natural. I knew I couldn't tell most family and friends because of their past experiences.
I actually have a hard time keeping my opinions to myself about it now!
I never said anything unless someone asked me specifically. There was the occasional "are you going to try to have the baby without an epidural?" to which I would just say, "yep, I'm going to try my best, we'll see what happens!"
All of the negative comments gave me more will to do it natural. I did it!
I'm pregnant with my first and always knew I'd plan for a natural birth at home. I have only told a few people my plans, and I've found it to be easy to decide in the moment when it comes up who is receptive to the idea and who isn't.
For example, my cousin mentioned water birth in a conversation we were having about pregnancy/birth/children and I knew right away I could tell him my plan and he'd be supportive- so I told him, and he was. On the other end of the spectrum, when we saw the in-laws for the holidays, the first question my SIL's father asked me was "what hospital will you be delivering at?"- very obvious that he/they (the group) was not receptive to the idea so I answered with a vague "my OB is at Cedars Sinai" (which is true). When I told my family I was pregnant, one of my aunts immediately said "now don't do anything weird, just go to the doctor and do what they tell you and be normal, none of that weird California stuff" (my family is on the opposite coast) and I just kept quite. She's a nurse, and has five kids, all c-sections- do you think that conversation would have been productive? Absolutely not. So I didn't engage.
The only other people I've told were my best friend and my mom. My best friend surprised me with how knowledgeable she was about the subject (being single and no plans for kids in the near future); she had actually watched the Business of Being Born and planned on a midwife too when she's ready for kids! I wasn't going to tell my mom at first, though she did know that I am doing hypnobabies and planned on all natural, but it came up over the holidays and when I came clean about my whole plan, she expressed reasonable concerns (e.g. what if something goes wrong), asked questions, listened to my answers, and said that she kind of knew I would want to do something like this anyways because that's just me. I was happy that she took it as well as she did. My original plan was to just not tell her at all until I was in labor and called the midwife to come over instead of going to the hospital, LOL! (she plans to be here for when the baby is born).
Personally, I've done the research, I know what is best for my body and my baby, and I just don't need the negativity in my life. If people ask me about after she is born, I'll tell them, but unless I can tell they will be supportive I don't even bother having the conversation. I'm completely comfortable and happy with my decision to not discuss it.
My OB is at Cedars-Sinai too, and it terrified me that they nicknamed it "C-Section Cedars", so I'm switching to either a birthing center or the nurse midwives at UCLA. I like my OB but don't want to take a chance delivering there, because apparently you don't necessarily get your OB, you get whoever is on duty.
I was the master evader through the first pregnancy! People are bassholes about birth and I didn't wan't their opinions implanting in my mind. One time I did share my intentions with a bartender at the airport (long story) and she was super supportive and said she had all of her children so soon after arriving at the hospital that she never had the medication. She gave me the most honest information about how it's hard and it hurts but that at the end of the day it doesn't matter because you got a baby.
Ignore everyone and do what's best for you. The worst thing you can do is to not give yourself a pass on everything. Labor is hard work, if you change your mind then that's just fine. Remember that you have preferences about birth but only one goal; to have your baby.
I ended up having exactly the birth I set out to have but I always kept in mind that I could change the course of my path if I wanted to. I just never wanted to despite fantasizing about epidurals and how nice they must be.
I chose not to tell people about my plans, but if someone asked I was honest. I am young and when I was pregnant I was 20 and a lot of people doubted me because of my age. Most of my family was very unsupportive, but the people closest to me who mattered (my mom, my husband, my grandma) were 100% supportive.
I had many family, friends and aquaintances ask about my plans and then totally bash them and declare that I'd be begging for the epidural. I mostly just ignored them and said that I believe in my body's ability to birth a baby and it means a lot to me to do things how nature intended. I never bothered throwing statistics around because I don't need to prove anything to anyone.
...baby #3 is here...
I start by calling my midwives "providers" because that is a neutral word. If the convo leads that way I say, "Assuming all is normal with the baby and I, we hope to have a homebirth." By saying words like normal and hope, people are surprised but they seem to respond better because it leaves the idea of hospitals and drugs open.
I haven't been told I'll be begging for drugs, I don't know what I would say to that yet.
I did have this idea that I should say I'd be violating HIPPA if I discussed my child's medical records without her consent. I still may try that one