Desperate need of sleep help, I'm losing my mind...

srbmvp · January 2013

My boys are 8 months old, EBF, 1-2 meals of solids a day. They are still up MANY times during the night, and I am so exhausted I can't think straight.

We stopped doing one up, both up when they developed reflux. Nursing was the only thing that calmed their throats at night, and there was no way to know when the reflux would strike. So I've been getting up individually with each baby for months now... we seem to have the reflux under control, but I think we've developed a horrible habit of eating/comfort sucking at any time of the night. And it has to stop! Neither baby uses pacis, Ben will suck his thumb sometimes to self soothe, Alex only wants a b@@b. They spend about half the night in their cribs, the other half with us in bed, so we can try to get at least a little sleep. DH helps out where he can, but he obviously can't nurse them, and he has a somewhat dangerous job, so he has to get some sleep to be on his game during the day.

Here's my thoughts... I get them back on a schedule, and I go back to one up, both up. They cannot nurse at night unless it's been 3 hours, and then if one eats, both eat, repeat 3 hours later. But the big question then becomes, how to handle them waking before the 3 hours is up? Do we CIO? They both like to scream, and when they get mad they will scream and wake their big brother up.... but it might be the only solution....

If anyone has any advice, I am all ears. I'm so tired I can't think straight to come up with a better plan. I just know that at 8 months old, they should be sleeping way better than they are right now.... sigh.

Thank you in advance!!!

ks3pink · January 2013

I don't do one up both up. Stopped right after I went back to work because sometimes they will sleep through the night and I want them in that habit. I don't have any advice per se just wanted you to know you are not alone on trying to do the best thing for your babies even if its the worst thing for yourself!

jsp430 · January 2013

I'm not sure I have a solution for you - just wanted you to know we're in the exact same boat! I have a 2.5 year old daughter and 8 month old b/g twins. Right now they're all in separate rooms, and none are with us (actually either my husband or I sleep on the couch while the other is in the bed because we even have one baby in the first floor office, blarg). We separated them because they woke each other up.

On a good night, mine get up a couple times each to nurse. But I feel like we only have good nights maybe once or twice a week. The 2.5 year old sleeps well, but has recently been getting up because of the crying disturbance at night, then she, in turn, wakes the other ones up, because we live in a small house.

I just went to a sleep training talk at our MoM group this week, where the speaker went through the different training techniques. A point she made, which resonates with what you said about waiting at least 3 hours to feed them, is that lots of people rationalize when they will feed them that way at night by the amount of hours they've been sleeping. But from everything I've read, if your babies are on a normal weight curve, have enough breastmilk and some food during the day, they should be able to sleep through the night. Every baby is different, but I really think mine should be able to, with how they're eating.

My husband is away overnight a lot. The talk this week inspired me to just be consistent with what we choose. I feel like I cannot do CIO. What the babies want is to nurse, as they won't take a pacifier. They still want comfort. What I'm going to try is to pick up and rock them, not offering the boob, for a whole night. I know this might induce a household of crying mess, but I feel like it's a wall we're up against that we have to break through. I'm still conflicted about it, but I cannot function during the day with so little sleep, sometimes I don't get any at all. Maybe can your husband help you do something like that for one night when he doesn't have to work the next day?

Feel free to PM me and I'll relay more of what the woman said/ our experiences with the nursing and sleeping!! and good luck to you!

jcath · January 2013

Are your twins a healthy weight and developing normally? If so, 8 mos olds don't really need to eat at night. I would stop offering them the breast at night which might entail your husband having to be the one to get up. Could you start over a weekend so he could sleep late in the morning? You could do CIO if you are comfortable with that approach or just try comforting them but not feeding them. Either way it will probably be 2 or 3 bad nights and then I bet they'll sleep.

Good luck and I hope you get some sleep soon!

amy1007 · January 2013

Yeah i would stop feeding them at night! They are old enough to be done with that.

srbmvp · January 2013

Thank you for the responses ladies! Yes, they are both on a great weight curve, developing fine, etc. I know they are at the age where they get distracted from eating during the day, so I wouldn't mind one feeding a night still, but what we are doing now is insane.

I'm going to sit down with DH tonight and talk about all of your suggestions, and PP, I will send you a PM when I have a free minute or two, thank you so much for your help! It sounds like we are in the exact same boat, and it will be so great to talk with someone else dealing with this right now.

THanks again!

jenn_darrin1515 · January 2013

srbmvp:

Thank you for the responses ladies! Yes, they are both on a great weight curve, developing fine, etc. I know they are at the age where they get distracted from eating during the day, so I wouldn't mind one feeding a night still, but what we are doing now is insane.

I'm going to sit down with DH tonight and talk about all of your suggestions, and PP, I will send you a PM when I have a free minute or two, thank you so much for your help! It sounds like we are in the exact same boat, and it will be so great to talk with someone else dealing with this right now.

THanks again!

I personally would take an all or nothing approach to the nite feeding...I can't imagine they will be able to differentiate when waking up and crying gets them rewarded with bfing vs. cio...I think it will be confusing to them (altho I guess you don't know til you try it)

even being distracted during the day, I am sure they are getting enough to eat to survive the nite...have you tried feeding them just before you head to bed? that may help with wakeup...

Jen0204 · January 2013

We did CIO at 8 months to help with getting them to go down easier and that also helped to get them down to one wake-up a night. At their 9 month appointment the doctor said they don't need to eat at night and to try to wean them from it, which we did over the next week by offering small amounts of watered down formula when they woke up. By doing that they dropped the last MOTN feeding.

CIO was such a great thing for us. We tried it a few weeks prior to when they were 8 months and it was awful and I put a stop to it. That time we tried going in at intervals and that just worked them up more and after 20 minutes of screaming bloody murder 2 nights in a row I decided to stop it and wait a couple of weeks to try again. We tried at 8 months and didn't go in at all and the first night they cried for a little over 5 minutes, the second night they cried for about 3 minutes and that was it.

Now if they wake up before 6:30 we leave them be and they're always back to sleep within 5 minutes. We FF, but even for us if someone has to go in because it's a more serious cry H goes in. If they see me it's all over and they scream and scream until I pick them up. With you BFing you might want to consider trying whatever you're going to do (weaning from night feedings, CIO, etc.) at a time when H can be the one to go in (maybe on the weekend?). Some women on my BMB have mentioned that their babies can smell the milk on them and it makes them more anxious to eat. Maybe if your H goes in they'll realize they're not getting food.

Good luck! When they started STTN at 9.5 months life got SO much easier.

D&HMom · January 2013

We hired a sleep doula at 8 months. Best money I ever spent. They were sleeping through the night in two nights. and they are the best nappers and night sleepers still at 2.5 (like 3 hour naps, 11 hours at night).

They don't need to eat at night. We did a controlled cio but the doula coached me over the phone and through email. I would imagine you could find one online in your area.

I've been there and feel for you but if you commit to sleep training it really can improve your quality of life. In the interim can you get a family member or friend to help you out? My DH would do the night shift every Friday night just so that I could refill my gas tank! and then he would nap during the day.

jsp430 · January 2013

D&HMom did the sleep doula just coach you over the phone and email, or actually come to the house and assess/ help through the nighttime waking? I had wondered if anyone does that kind of thing...

Ourfamilyof5 · January 2013

If you are comfortable doing CIO, I would give it a try. It worked wonders for my DS and he went from being the absolute worse sleeper (literally waking every hour needing to either eat or be soothed) to the BEST sleeper. It took a few rough nights, and then he was sleeping 8 hours a night. A month later, he was sleeping 12 hours a night and has never turned back. He's an awesome napper too.

When the twins are old enough for CIO, I plan to do it again. I know the pay off is SO worth it even though it's hard to listen to. I worry that they'll wake up DS too, so I plan to put them down about an hour before him. He'll be 2.5 by the time we do it, and his bed time is slightly more flexible.

MuseumMaven · January 2013

I had terrible sleepers, too. I could have written that post 10 months ago.

I agree with having your husband handle the waking for a couple of nights. After a few days of that I could get up with them and they didn't want to nurse.

I was as opposed to CIO as anyone could be, but I eventually caved in and tried it around 12months and it really worked.

Whatever you do, good luck. I know how hard it is.

PurrCrasher · January 2013

I used to do MOTN nursing too until I realized that it was more about snuggling and comfort than a real need to eat. We made the following big changes and it was like a miracle. First, no more nursing. If they needed to eat they would get a bottle of pumped milk, that way my DH and I could take turns and get more sleep. Secondly, when one of them would wake up we would take them to the living room, keep all the lights off, place them in a boppy and hold the bottle for them. No eye contact, no snuggling, no talking, just eating. When they were done eating it was a quick burp, sometimes a little sucking on one of our fingers for a minute while rocking and then back to bed. It honestly worked wonders. We were able to quickly teach them that nighttime was for sleeping and not for more enjoyable tasks like nursing or playing and we had very minimal crying. I know that all babies are different but this is what worked for us. For what it's worth our daughter has been STTN since 2.5 months and our son since 3 and we had a little setback with the chaos of the holidays but with the same tricks were able to get everything back to normal. Hopefully you figure out something soon, sleep is so precious! Good luck!

srbmvp · January 2013

jenn_darrin1515:
srbmvp:

Thank you for the responses ladies! Yes, they are both on a great weight curve, developing fine, etc. I know they are at the age where they get distracted from eating during the day, so I wouldn't mind one feeding a night still, but what we are doing now is insane.

I'm going to sit down with DH tonight and talk about all of your suggestions, and PP, I will send you a PM when I have a free minute or two, thank you so much for your help! It sounds like we are in the exact same boat, and it will be so great to talk with someone else dealing with this right now.

THanks again!

I personally would take an all or nothing approach to the nite feeding...I can't imagine they will be able to differentiate when waking up and crying gets them rewarded with bfing vs. cio...I think it will be confusing to them (altho I guess you don't know til you try it)

even being distracted during the day, I am sure they are getting enough to eat to survive the nite...have you tried feeding them just before you head to bed? that may help with wakeup...

I think you are absolutely right! I'm just thinking more of a plan to wean myself and them off the night feedings, so my supply doesn't tank and I don't get engorged in the MOTN.

srbmvp · January 2013

PurrCrasher:
I used to do MOTN nursing too until I realized that it was more about snuggling and comfort than a real need to eat. We made the following big changes and it was like a miracle. First, no more nursing. If they needed to eat they would get a bottle of pumped milk, that way my DH and I could take turns and get more sleep. Secondly, when one of them would wake up we would take them to the living room, keep all the lights off, place them in a boppy and hold the bottle for them. No eye contact, no snuggling, no talking, just eating. When they were done eating it was a quick burp, sometimes a little sucking on one of our fingers for a minute while rocking and then back to bed. It honestly worked wonders. We were able to quickly teach them that nighttime was for sleeping and not for more enjoyable tasks like nursing or playing and we had very minimal crying. I know that all babies are different but this is what worked for us. For what it's worth our daughter has been STTN since 2.5 months and our son since 3 and we had a little setback with the chaos of the holidays but with the same tricks were able to get everything back to normal. Hopefully you figure out something soon, sleep is so precious! Good luck!

Did you pump during the night, at least at first, so your supply wasn't affected? Thanks!!!!

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