I really need your advice on this school situation-- (pre-k)

smiling76 · January 2013

Ladies--I know you will understand where I'm coming from here, so wanted to get your HONEST opinions and advice on how to speak with DS1's teacher.

So background is he has speech apraxia and sensory issues---he's in a "pre-k" type of program at the elementary school that is for these issues --considered special ed program I guess.

So yes, sometimes he does have issues with hitting or just bad behavior--but it's very far and few between now since his speech is really progressing. (he doesn't get as aggravated)

So yesterday I was cleaning his backpack out and saw that his snack was still in there (he goes to daycare in the mornings and right after lunch at 11:30 he goes to this program and they get a snack at some point in the afternoon. He then returns to daycare after the program and generally doesn't get a snack there because their snacktime is over).

So I asked him and he said his teacher didn't let him eat it. Luckily I then found a note in his folder that explained he was being very mean to another student right before snack and so she didn't allow him to eat it--instead he had to sit on the carpet with his teacher for the duration of snack. So basically then he didn't eat/drink anything from lunchtime at like 11:30 until dinnertime at around 6. That's ridiculous!!!!

I'm sorry, but I feel that there are other ways that kids can be "punished". She said that she felt she needed to take a more serious punishment with him, and that was it. I mean, couldn't he have been given his snack but maybe had to eat alone/away from others as the punishment??? But keeping food/drink from kids doesn't seem right, does it??? Or am I just over-reacting because it's MY child?? Be honest.

I want to respond to the teacher, but not sure what to say or how to say it--because I do feel that it was wrong on both of their parts---but wanted to get your feedback as well.

TIA!

grbnik · January 2013

WOW-I may be answering on a reactionary-basis, but I think that is completely insane! Children need to eat and drink things throughout the day to avoid blood sugar issues, dehydration, etc. Would he know to ask for a drink or snack at a different time if he felt woozy? I know my LO wouldn't. I think that is really unfair. I agree with going to an isolated spot. Withholding food and drink is hard for me to comprehend- when dealing with little ones that rely on our structured settings of meals for their nutrition.

Sorry for the explosion there- I feel for you! I hope that you are able to resolve this issue with the program and feel comfortable with everything. HUGS

ridesbuttons · January 2013

I would talk to the teachers and advise them that not allowing a snack is not an appropriate punishment for your child. It is not a treat, it is a snack, and 4 (?) year old kids need a snack, period.

Since it is a one time event, and the teacher let you know it happened, I wouldn't get too worked up about it. At the end of the day, no real harm done. Simply let them know that withholding snack is not ok, they will have to find alternate means of communicating their displeasure with behaviour and address it in a more productive/appropriate manner.

Also, I can't imagine the afternoon went any better with a hungry kid.

smiling76 · January 2013

ridesbuttons:

I would talk to the teachers and advise them that not allowing a snack is not an appropriate punishment for your child. It is not a treat, it is a snack, and 4 (?) year old kids need a snack, period.

Since it is a one time event, and the teacher let you know it happened, I wouldn't get too worked up about it. At the end of the day, no real harm done. Simply let them know that withholding snack is not ok, they will have to find alternate means of communicating their displeasure with behaviour and address it in a more productive/appropriate manner.

Also, I can't imagine the afternoon went any better with a hungry kid.

Actually---this is NOT the first time this has happened. It's just the first time that I think I've reacted like this. And truthfully, what got me upset this time was not just the snack but that it's basically a "for sure" thing that every time he returns from break (just had 2 wks off of school) that he has a small behavior issue--usually lasts a day or two--but resolves quickly.

I agree---hungry kids can't learn, act out more, etc. I felt horrible! But on the other hand, felt like as a parent I had to address the behavior issue with him. It was just a sucky night overall.

malcivar · January 2013

I'm sorry you're so upset. My response will be a little biased because I'm completely opposed to using the withholding of food as punishment. There will be no "going to bed without your dinner" for me if I can help it. DH is of a different mind, so to answer your question, I'd be just as upset as you are about his snack being withheld.

That being said, I do see (sorta) where the teacher was coming from. Snack is something he enjoys. In order for him to truly understand that he was being punished, something he enjoys needs to be taken away. In this case, it was snack. In my son's case, it'd be access to my iPhone. However, I do have a question - is the teacher aware that by taking away his snack, he would have been going without food or drink for such an extended period of time? If not, then I wouldn't be too mad at her. If she was, then maybe I'd feel differently.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.

Good luck.

mom2pottamus · January 2013

I don't think that withholding food from a child is ever ok. There is no correlation between "being mean" and no food. I would say something about it and make it clear that you understand what he did and understand consequences, but the punishment didn't fit the crime.

smiling76 · January 2013

-auntie-:

I don't blame you for being pissed. Food is a right. Being fed and watered is critical for LOs to maintain composure and learn.

But before I made this a hill to die on; I'd make sure the snack was an unprocessed wholesome choice because it's hard to argue that a child who is acting out needs something that isn't. I mean, if I sent my kid with an apple and some string cheese I'd be hunting humans. Fruit rollups? not so much.

So funny you say that because I always send things like yogurt, string cheese, apples and sunbutter, etc but of ALL days, yesterday I put graham crackers and marshmallows together for a snack because I wanted it to be a special one for him. Figures. LOL

So thanks ladies--I think what I'll do is explain the lapse in time when snack is taken away and basically ask her if there's another way this can be handles to ensure he is getting ample nutrition for the afternoon. That way the ball is back in her court, but she'll also "assume" that I wasn't happy either. She tends to be quite reactive at times.

Rachel Sonnier · January 2013

I'm with you 100 percent on this one. I used to teach and I don't feel as if it's ever ok to withhold basic necessities, wether we are talking food, water, bathroom, from a child, as a punishment. I could possibly see a teacher giving a less appealing alternative, such as "You cannot have cookies with everyone else. You will have to eat crackers at a table by yourself today," but not withholding a scheduled meal, or snack. Auntie is right. Food is a right, and not feeding a PK child will not improve their behavior. If anything, I would think it would exacerbate the behavior issue. Especially in PK. Most 3s, 4s and 5s still physically need a snack.
I would probably not be very happy either. I'd talk to the teacher first. She may not realize that was inappropriate. However, if she blows you off and continues to withhold necessities, I'd ask for a meeting with her and the admins.

malcivar · January 2013

Rachel Sonnier:
Most 3s, 4s and 5s still physically need a snack.

It's funny that I read this as my tummy was grumbling for lunch. Had I not had a snack in between breakfast and now, I'd be an unhappy and totally unproductive camper. :-)

grbnik · January 2013

malcivar:
Rachel Sonnier:
Most 3s, 4s and 5s still physically need a snack.
It's funny that I read this as my tummy was grumbling for lunch. Had I not had a snack in between breakfast and now, I'd be an unhappy and totally unproductive camper. :-)

Me too

bumpuser511563 · January 2013

I would not be happy about this. I would talk to the teacher about it.

rboisvert · January 2013

I got a little lost as to which setting your DS was in when his snack was withheld but if it was daycare or any setting that is governed by OCFS (i.e. NOT state ed) then withholding snack is most likely a violation of their regs. I'm a special ed teacher in a prek setting but we integrate with daycare students so OCFS rules our world. I will say there are times when the natural consequence of withholding food would likely help me turn a situation around but I can't do it and I would never do it to a child that wasn't my own for behavioral modification. So I guess the take home for me is this was NOT OK and the teachers need different strategies.

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