Anyone else not "coming out" on Facebook?

jefk · January 2013

I just found out that one of my old co-workers had a baby - she never posted anything about her pregnancy on Facebook, only a baby picture with a little announcement about a week after she had the baby. I'm leaning towards doing this myself. I'm 18 weeks and so far, we've kept my pregnancy off FB. Our close friends know by now, and we're starting to tell people at work. I'm sure that at some point somebody will slip and mention it on FB, but I just don't feel the need to share it there. Part of me wants to announce it so that I'm the one controlling the information, but another part of me wants to just keep it quiet. Anyone else in the same boat?

bumpuser8448316 · January 2013

I was really torn this time on whether or not to post about it on facebook. But comments from people who knew, and who knew that we were facing some slight complications, started popping up prompting others to begin asking me if everything was okay. All of our close friends and family were told in person.

So I finally did a post about it so that it was just out in the open.

RedCherry1109 · January 2013

I wasn't going to but some of our family is out of town and thats how we keep in touch. So on thanksgiving I put that "we are thankful that we are expecting again". Since then I have only posted twice about the pregnancy and my Mom has posted a pic of my pump. I'm not sure If i'm going to post pictures of the baby when it get here.

ChristyD6 · January 2013

We weren't sure either, but then we did over the weekend at 17w and it was so fun! I loved reading all the comments from friends I have lost touch with over the years. Maybe it's being a bit of an attention wh*re but it made me happy every time my phone lit up with another update Big Smile

dtowngirl · January 2013

I will not be announcing on Facebook. Everyone who is close to me knows and I don't feel like I have to make an announcement to get everyone's attention. It's just not my thing.

phishgirl29 · January 2013

SouthSideDrea:
A friend of mine told friends in person but never mentioned it on fb until the baby was born. It's fine, whatever you decide,

This is going to be me. Every time I see a friend that doesn't know, I tell them because its obvious now. I've spend years and thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant reading about 100+ posts about pain, cramps, and other complaints that I'm totally experiencing now, but regardless there is a good chance that a FB friend is secretly suffering from infertility, and I refuse to make someone as uncomfortable as I have been over the last couple of years!

Sorry to be preachy, but announcements can be so painful to IF couples.

Helmet3311 · January 2013

I'm not going out of my way to announce on FB. I'm sure it'll come out eventually, and when it does that's fine. I'm "out" with friends, family and at work but I just don't see the need to do it on FB yet. I'm an introvert and not a big "FB announcement" kind of person. I'm going on vacation next week and I'm sure there will be (indirect) bump pictures that are posted, so I wouldn't be surprised if people bring it up.

LindsayF · January 2013

phishgirl29:
SouthSideDrea:
A friend of mine told friends in person but never mentioned it on fb until the baby was born. It's fine, whatever you decide,
This is going to be me. Every time I see a friend that doesn't know, I tell them because its obvious now. I've spend years and thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant reading about 100+ posts about pain, cramps, and other complaints that I'm totally experiencing now, but regardless there is a good chance that a FB friend is secretly suffering from infertility, and I refuse to make someone as uncomfortable as I have been over the last couple of years!
Sorry to be preachy, but announcements can be so painful to IF couples.

I agree and have decided to do the same. I couldn't bare to look at facebook for a long time during the process of trying and failing. I don't want to cause anyone else pain. Once the baby comes I will probably--but for now I'm emailing close friends who live far away belly bump pictures.

KacyChicago · January 2013

I'm hours away from 90% of our friends and family ... And I'll be excited to let them all know, even if it's via Facebook. I was very open with our loss last year, and I got a tremendous amount of support, which I'm very thankful for. I'm excited in turn to share our joy with all of my friends at the end of the month now, more because of what we went through already.

But I don't use Facebook for attention, and would never post constant updates about my pregnancy, because I know how that hurts.

kmkaull2 · January 2013

BonnieK10:
That way, hopefully, I won't be causing anyone who's TTC anymore pain and at the same time won't be showing the world what used to be fairly private and special photos.

This is exactly how I feel. I have many friends struggling and/or waiting to adopt. Just can't put it in their faces.

maea9802 · January 2013

There are positives and negatives to it but I'm going the route of "surprise here is baby". The important people know and as word spreads I am fine with it but I'm keeping my fb posts preggofree.

musicalsilver · January 2013

Helmet3311:
I'm not going out of my way to announce on FB. I'm sure it'll come out eventually, and when it does that's fine. I'm "out" with friends, family and at work but I just don't see the need to do it on FB yet. I'm an introvert and not a big "FB announcement" kind of person. I'm going on vacation next week and I'm sure there will be (indirect) bump pictures that are posted, so I wouldn't be surprised if people bring it up.

I feel the same way as this. If it comes up, it comes up. However, I'm not going to make any special sort of announcement.

Audrey_03 · January 2013

I'm not saying a word about it on FB. The vast majority of my FB "friends" are people from my industry, so I don't really care if they know and I don't want to make a big deal out of it.

There is also a baby boom going on amongst my colleagues. Most of them are first timers and want to discuss every little thing that happens (and that's fine), I just don't want to be accused of being a "Me Too!" or trying to steal someone else's thunder.

The other big reason is that a colleague (whom I used to think of as a family friend) has been obnoxious about his FB postings regarding his impending bundle of joy. The obnoxiousness started when he began dating his now wife... he would use Foursquare to check into her "lady parts" (and I'm being nice by not using the phrasing he used) and then have it cross-post to Twitter and Facebook. Every time I see one of his grossly TMI updates, my desire to NOT be him increases.

People will figure it out when I show up at a conference looking like the Goodyear blimp. Until then, no one needs to know.

kaleyandjason · January 2013

I won't be posting on FB. Even for our family that lives OOT. If I want people to know whats going on I pick up the phone and call.

hjk5000 · January 2013

I dunno, I have mixed feelings about this. I haven't made a FB announcement with this pregnancy yet but all of our family and our close friends know. I actually know someone who did something similar to this with her first baby and a lot of people were weirded out by it because they had been talking to her regularly on and offline and she never said a thing.

That said, if I see someone on FB I don't really keep up with just had a baby and I didn't know she was pregnant it doesn't phase me.

nikip6454 · January 2013

I am not making a formal FB post but I am not hiding it either. If pictures are tagged or someone mentions it, I will acknowledge it.

sweetrhythms · January 2013

dtowngirl:
I will not be announcing on Facebook. Everyone who is close to me knows and I don't feel like I have to make an announcement to get everyone's attention. It's just not my thing.

This. I also feel for people who are struggling. I only really know of one person who is struggling, but I'm sure there are probably others that I just don't know about and I have no desire to shove it in their face. If people start commenting all over the place, I might post something but definitely nothing big.

needanustart · January 2013

I wasn't planning to announce on FB but then I was a total dumbarse and changed my profile pic to a picture of DS wearing a big brother shirt. I thought I had fully cropped it out, but I made a mistake with saving the cropped version I really just liked the picture of my son! So I'm an idiot and everyone started congratulating me before I figured out to take it down.

Dazedncornfuzed · January 2013

dtowngirl:
I will not be announcing on Facebook. Everyone who is close to me knows and I don't feel like I have to make an announcement to get everyone's attention. It's just not my thing.

This. Everyone who needs to know does. I'm nt hiding it on Facebook if people pick up on it fine. But I'm not announcing anything either.

nej0202 · January 2013

I was planning on announcing on FB from the beginning but each week goes by and I haven't. All our family, friends and coworkers know. If something comes up I will acknowledge it and I am sure in a few months some pictures I'm tagged in will give it away. For now, I am happy with our little secret. I have to admit that I am shocked no one else has posted about it on my wall yet.

jefk · January 2013

Mrsveinotte:
We didn't want to, but then people were saying stuff on my wall etc. I ended up just throwing up a cute pic of our dogs and a saying about preparing to become big sisters.
Id rather be the one controlling it.

This is where I'm torn. I want to control the information, but I guess I don't trust some people enough to keep it quiet!! I think I'm going to take a wait-and-see approach - deal with that bridge when I have to cross it, rather than worry about it now.

Thanks for all the comments - this has turned into quite an interesting thread!

TeamHayes · January 2013

We still haven't told family and friends that we are expecting so who knows when or if we will announce anytime soon. We love keeping that special secret between the two of us.

megaroo64 · January 2013

Personally, I plan on keeping it off of Facebook. I know people have different views on Facebook, but for me, there are a lot of people that I am "friends" with on Facebook, but not really IRL. For me, it is not really any of their business. If it accidentally slipped, I would probably just roll with it, but I am not planning on putting anything on there myself.

btsrc5 · January 2013

I did not make an announcement on FB with DD. I had maternity pictures taken and the photographer tagged me in them on her FB page, so people found out that way.

This time, I was not planning on making an announcement again. A friend of mine posted something on my wall around the holidays saying "I guess by now everyone has heard the news, so congratulations..." I deleted the post. I will probably have maternity photos done again so I guess we will be outed that way a second time. I am fine with that.

amaidhudhu · January 2013

jefk:
I just found out that one of my old co-workers had a baby - she never posted anything about her pregnancy on Facebook, only a baby picture with a little announcement about a week after she had the baby. I'm leaning towards doing this myself. I'm 18 weeks and so far, we've kept my pregnancy off FB. Our close friends know by now, and we're starting to tell people at work. I'm sure that at some point somebody will slip and mention it on FB, but I just don't feel the need to share it there. Part of me wants to announce it so that I'm the one controlling the information, but another part of me wants to just keep it quiet. Anyone else in the same boat?

same boat, Facebook has just become such a snore fest and sooooo intrusive with privacy changes they're lucky to get more than a like from me. If you have just close family and friends on there I don't see why not... I'm just hesitant...

Willubmine · January 2013

We came out on FB but mostly because we just had too many people speculating, and too many friends to tell "in person". I don't flaunt my pregnancy and have yet to post a photo of myself or any baby pictures. We are 18 weeks 4 days today and have only posted generic updates 2 times in 6 weeks. Its just important to us to keep everyone posted and updated, but we don't want to rub it in anyone's face. When baby shows up we will probably post an album of photos but nothing too "crazy" or personal. Its our way of keeping in touch with friends that are all over the world!

amie444 · January 2013

I was going to keep it off of Facebook, but I was kinda sneaky and did a really sneaky post about finding daycare. less than 1/2 of my friends figured it out and those that did, Ihad already told. But That is the only thing I have posted on FB and not really planning on doing anymore.

GraceInCA · January 2013

I'm not coming out on Facebook. Most family and close friends know. I'm not really big on AWing on FB.

kread8 · January 2013

phishgirl29:

SouthSideDrea:
A friend of mine told friends in person but never mentioned it on fb until the baby was born. It's fine, whatever you decide,

This is going to be me. Every time I see a friend that doesn't know, I tell them because its obvious now. I've spend years and thousands of dollars trying to get pregnant reading about 100+ posts about pain, cramps, and other complaints that I'm totally experiencing now, but regardless there is a good chance that a FB friend is secretly suffering from infertility, and I refuse to make someone as uncomfortable as I have been over the last couple of years!

Sorry to be preachy, but announcements can be so painful to IF couples.

I did not go through infertility, but I did go through pregnancy loss and the FB announcements were painful to see because of it. Actually, they are still painful to see, which kind of baffles me considering I'm pregnant again.

I'm really torn. I am going to announce on FB, but I feel like I have to "qualify" my pregnancy because of it and come out about our loss at the same time. But then I feel like by announcing both at the same time I'm not giving the amount of attention to each pregnancy on their own that they deserve - if that makes sense. I am planning to announce on FB next Monday, provided we have another good appointment that day. And then I'm toying with the idea of announcing about our loss on our EDD for that pregnancy, which is a few weeks after that. (in case this is confusing, I would put something like: "Today is very bittersweet. While we are incredibly thankful to be pregnant and expecting a June baby, we are also sad. Today should have been the day we welcomed our first child. Unfortunately, we went through the heartbreaking experience of losing our first pregnancy. We will never forget you, Ace." - crap, that makes me cry just typing it...)

I'm not sure I'm brave enough to completely come out about our loss though.

Cree123 · January 2013

I'm not much of a FB person so I'm keeping personal info like that offline including announcements, sonograms and any baby pics once the little one arrives. Some people are okay with posting everything and that's okay too - but I understand where you are coming from personally.

SLaBM2B · January 2013

We did, but we are only friends with family & close friends on FB - I have some long distant relatives that want updates and such, so it was just easier for us to do it that way.

kissymekaye03 · January 2013

I am not a regular "status updater" on FB neither is my husband. We do have a lot of friends we see and talk to very often so we had already told them in person. We saw our family during the holidays so I think we got it covered. Another reason why I didn't want to post it was because I suffered consecutive miscarriages in the last year so I didn't want to post this current pregnancy on Fb with the fear of it happening again..but so far so good..I'm 18 weeks tomorrow..yay!

MdWestMom · March 2013

I rarely go on FB, since DH is on there daily & generally tells me the "FB news of the day." When we were TTC I was always really happy when someone would post about their "BFP" and always a twinge jealous too (not in a mean way, just in a "wish that were me" way). BUT, I didn't ever feel that other people should tamp down their happiness/excitement on my account. After all, we're friends so that we can share one another's ups and downs. (I "purged" my FB quite some time ago - you know, got rid of the haven't-seen-you-since-college-and-my-you-got-crazier types, lol, and kept closer family/friends). I think it's really odd when suddenly someone has baby photos on their FB. Makes me think (jokingly) - did you steal that kid? Why is a 3 month old on your FB suddenly? You never mentioned it...I mean, your whole life is consumed with prepping for baby for 9 months (or more if adopting) and you didn't post a drop of it? Just odd, IMHO.