4 y/o in trouble at school — The Bump
Pre-School

4 y/o in trouble at school

For the past 3 weeks or so DS has been getting sent to the office at school. (It is a daycare in which the 4/5 yr old classroom is a preschool) However, the last 2 weeks specifically have been worse. He has had to take his nap in the office twice & is constantly having to go sit there & talk to the "principal" aka school director.

I have a chart that we have started, because it has worked on other occasions, as to where he puts a sticker on the calendar for the days that he doesn't get sent to the office. I thought it was going to work, but it only lasted a day.

 I am at a loss as to what we should do with him when he gets home so he knows we don't tolerate that kind of behavior. Currently he has to go to his room until dinner, which is usually an hr at the most. He can read books/play with stuffed animals, but can't play any of his games/toys.

ANY advice is welcome! Please & Thank you!!

Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers

Re: 4 y/o in trouble at school

  • What is he doing at school? How long has he gone to this school? How does he behave on weekends at home?




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  • kegkeg member
    How has his schedule (and yours) been affected by the holidays?  Have you had a lot of family around or been traveling?  My DDs are rather off behavior-wise at the moment because we traveled cross country for a week and were around a ton of people, then came home and had grandma in town.  Not to mention the excitement (and present) factor for both Christmas and their BD and it's been tough.  With my girls, I'm hoping a return to a more "normal" schedule will help matters. 
    2004-Started TTC; Nov 2007-Lap with endo removed; Jan 2008-Ectopic (mtx); April 2008-IVF #1 (bfp, twin girls); March 2011-FET (cp); June 2012-IVF #2 (bfp, singleton, EDD 3-19-12)

    ***Twin fraternal girls born at 35w6d in 12/2008***

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  • definitely agree w/ Auntie that what happens at school gets dealt with at school/by school - unless there is some kind of major character issue or physical altercation (which I wouldn't even punish that, but I would discuss it and my future expectations).

    It does sound like your LO has outgrown the nap and the school needs to come up w/ a better plan than sending her to the "principal's office."  My LO's school has the same 2 hour nap rule, which lots of the kids are outgrowing - so generally the rule is that they have to stay on their cot, not talking.  I think that they are allowed to bring 1-2 books with them if they want. 

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  • I'm sorry, but i don't think i understand when you say, what happens at school stays at school line. If they are getting in trouble enough to be sent to the directors office then it is being addressed at school. He is being seperated from the situation and being talked to in a hopefully calm, secluded manner. But, if they come home with a red light and had a bad day, do you really say, "oh well, i'm sure the teachers took care of it."? I do think it is up to the parents to further look into the situation. Talk to the child about what happened before he got in trouble. was he frustrated, tired, lonely?

    It isn't the teachers job to instill character, values and morels into the child. The teachers are there to provide a warm safe learning environment to several children at one time

    Send the child to the room to sit on his bed for the 4 mins and tell him to think about what happened at school today. you will be back to talk to him about what happened. what made him feel this way and a better way to handle the situation when it comes up again. Maybe take away a privilage, ie dessert, tv time, or books at bedtime. Hope you find something that works

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  • I was a nanny and that was how the mom handled her 3 year old when there was a pattern of bad behavior at school. (since i brought her home from school i usually did it.) and i thought it worked very well for the girl to go and reflect on the day and try to firgure out what went wrong and how it couldl be corrected. The mom is the one that would decide if she took away something else. The 3 year old was very smart and she could always tell me why she got in trouble and we would talk in her room where it was quiet and i could focus on her and not doing chores or the brother. I would always i was sad by her behavior or the decisions that she made and i knew she could do better. we would agree that she would try and would hug and go find something else to do. She was in there for 3 mins to think about the day. That isn't too much to ask.

    I did not read where it was where the child didn't take a nap. I read it as he was sent to the directors office for bad behavior.

    I also worked in daycares and everyone was required to lay down. If they weren't asleep after 30 mins we would walk around between them and give them a stuffed animal or books as long as they were quiet but they had to stay on the cot.

    In the school we didn't do time outs unless it was really heated. Typically, just the threat of moving lights was enough to change behavior.

    If it was just one day (or even just a yellow light) i just talked to the child on the way home about it as long as they agreed to try harder tomorrow.

    Yes the 9 month old is mine but i spent several years as nannies to different families and have been able to see more different types of parenting and have been able to see what i thought would work. I also know that all the children were different.

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  • Sorry I didn't realize I didn't list what he was doing. He hits other children, bothers others at the lunch table, doesn't follow direction. The teachers have said the nap isn't the issue-he usually goes right to sleep & stays asleep.

     After asking advice, I finally got a chance to talk to some of the teachers at school. I talked to the last teacher he had, where he had a great year & loved her. There is ALOT of changes going on right now, added to the fact of the crazy schedule after Christmas/New Years. They have been short staffed & one of his teachers was dismissed from the school. They have since moved all the children into one class so the new teachers are ones that he hadn't had too much interaction with on a daily basis. The old teacher & I agreed that DS needs structure & consistency (as do all children at this age I know) & that has been lacking there recently.

    We stopped doing the discipline after the fact & I have been talking to him about his actions & the actions of other kids & the importance of talking to the teacher when you need help.

     Thanks for all your answers!

    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers
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