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Baby Showers
MrsRCP
member
What to do when parents are separated?
MrsRCP
member
in Baby Showers
So nearly 2 years ago, my mom left my father. He was not a nice man, and I think she made the right decision. I have never been close to my dad, but up until recently I stayed in contact with him. Some things happened over Thanksgiving that changed that. I haven't spoken to him since. (I have a question, and I promise I'm getting to it.)
I haven't seen anyone on his side of the family in over a year, my grandmother included. Neither them nor I have made an effort to stay in touch.
Some ladies at the church my husband and I attend have offered to throw me a shower (This is the church my mom goes to, and my dad attended pre-split). I gave them my list of who I wanted to invite. My father's family was not included in that list. Some people have said that I need to invite them because this child is going to be part of their family, too; not just my mom's side.
My grandmother (dad's mom) and my mom, have never gotten along, and since the separation, needless to say it has gotten worse. I don't want my mom to have to deal with it, and I especially don't want to have to deal with it myself. Should I invite them anyway simply because the baby is related to them? Sorry this is long.
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Re: What to do when parents are separated?
No, I wouldn't invite them.
Showers are NOT "be all important events" where distant (distance and emotional!) family should be invited. It's not a wedding (and heck, even if it was, i'd probably be saying the same thing!).
These people aren't a part of your life. This is a gift giving event. If you want to make any overtures to try and start to be involved w/ them, do it outside of this shower. Don't make the shower the olive branch.
Showers are supposed to be about the people you are close to in life, who want to support you and your new baby.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This is exactly how I feel. Thank you for reiterating that!
Your call. There is nothing inherently rude about not including even an entire branch of the family when you are not close / not in contact / do not have a relationship with them.
Sounds like a bummer of a situation. Sorry you have to deal with that. Most likely your baby shower isn't the right place to try to re-establish a relationship anyway...
This! And if you do decide to extend an olive branch, a shower isn't the best place to do that.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Ditto everyone else, but with this caveat:
If there is anyone YOU would regret not having at your shower, YOU choose to include them.
From my own experience I wish I could turn back the clock and include my mother in law. At the time, DH had no contact with her so it made sense, but now she is close to us and we're having kid #2 (no shower) and so that's something she'll never get to be a part of: a grandchild's shower. And that makes me sad. (DH isn't an only but nobody is holding their breath for younger brother to marry or procreate.)
I agree with this. It's not just you shutting them out if they haven't made any effort to contact you, either. I wouldn't feel obligated.
Most of the time in these situations, I say that the people who don't get along need to suck it up and fake it for the day, a wedding/shower/other shared family event is about the guest of honor, not about who did what to whom. In this instance though, since they've effectively cut you off as well, I don't think you should feel any guilt or obligation towards them.
I have sort of the same situation. I'm not pregnant... yet, but when I am I will go through this too. My mom and dad had a nasty divorce. If anyone asks why they aren't invited to the shower, I will be honest and tell them that they don't get along with one another and for the sake of it being a pleasant event without any weirdness to it, I am planning on keeping the guest list for the side of the family that is planning it.
Just my thought! Good luck!