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August 2011 Moms
eatmorecupcakes
member
Moms of 2 or more
eatmorecupcakes
member
Did you have any type of anxiety right before number 2 was born? I feel like mom of the year over here because I am completely freaking out about having another baby. I've always imagined having more than one child and this pregnancy was discussed and planned so I don't know what my deal is.
I have a hard time wrapping my head around how I am going to love anyone as much as I love DS and at the same time I worry about him being so sad about the amount of time I will be be spending with the new baby. Logically I know you love your kids the same, but logic is being knocked the eff out by hormones right now.
I worry if we made the right decision, about whether or not I'll have enough patience to go around, and basically any other think I could possibly worry about right now. I think I'm scared too. 2u2 is A LOT. Aaaaaaaaaaaah.
Totally normal, right?
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Re: Moms of 2 or more
Totally normal, I promise.
Let me tell you about my experience.
It was a stupidly hot Friday night. DH was out playing Dungeons and Dragons. Despite the heat, I stole a few sleepy snuggles from DD before going to bed.
I woke up a little after midnight. Not sure what woke me up, but then I felt this small gush of liquid and I thought "Oh sh!t". I was barely 37 weeks (as in, minutes into being 37 weeks) and not expecting this at all. DH was not in bed, so I went into the living room and called out for him. He had gotten home a while earlier (thankfully!) and was up playing on the computer. I told him my water had broken.
We were kinda stumped, but we eventually snapped out of it. I stuck a towel between my legs and started packing my hospital bag (thank goodness I had JUST written up the list of things to pack earlier that day).
As I was packing my bag, I kept going back to DD. There she was, sleeping, completely oblivious to the fact that the world as she knew it was about to be completely turned upside down. Heck, just typing this is making me all teary eyed. That's how bad I felt. I just wanted to hold her one more time and tell her how much I loved her. Just one last snuggle that we could freeze in time. Couldn't the baby wait just another day? To say that the guilt was laying heavy on me would be an understatement. I just sat on the side of my bed and cried.
Then I left for the hospital. DH stayed home with DD. I cried.
Then I had a baby. DD came to visit in the hospital and meet her baby sister. At first, she wasn't too sure what to make of that little squeaky thing, then she stuck a finger in her sister's mouth and her sister started sucking on it. She thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world and that was that. I can promise you that at that moment, mommy guilt was the last thing on my mind. In fact, I don't think it ever came back. I cannot thing of a single time since DD2 was born where I have thought "I wish I hadn't given DD1 a sibling".
Don't get me wrong, there are times where I want to pull my hair out, but never ever ever have I felt I didn't have enough love in me for both my children. I promise you'll feel the same, too
It is hard to wrap your head around loving another child as much as you love your first, but people tell me it just happens! I'd try not to think about all the fears after the 2nd one arrives, I really think it'll all come naturally.
https://community.babycenter.com/journal/dlsmom/1639715/loving_two..._a_touching_poem
You've GOT this, Cups!!
Do not stress. The idea of 2u2 is not the thing to stress about. Wait until you're in the moments that actually deserve your stress.
Remember to address needs before wants. DS1 needs to get into the bathroom to potty. DS2 wants to be held. DS1 wins my attention for the moments he needs me while DS2 cries for a few minutes. That's how it has to be. Prepare yourself now... undoubtedly, someone will be crying and there's nothing you can do about it. Do not have unrealistic expectations. In fact, scratch any expectations you have. It will be so much more surprisingly difficult, exhausting, magical and emotional (on all ends of the spectrum) than you can possibly anticipate. Just relax. Let go of trying to have absolute control. You don't.
Let go of Max's routine. Start over from scratch. Now, you have 2 kids, the routine has to change. It will be rough for a hot second, but you'll get it together quickly.
Be prepared to find out how much you can tolerate and how much you cannot.
COMMUNICATE with DH. Like, in the moment communicate straightforwardly. As in, DH is watching TV or on the computer and you need help with something. You say, "Mr. Cups! Please grab me a diaper or feed Max a snack." Try to keep yourself from getting passive aggressive. You'll be exhausted... both of you will. You're there to do this together. So, commit to doing it together.
Good luck!! I don't know how you find the love in your heart, but believe me, it's there.
Thank you for linking!
Aww thanks MrsSkull.
Along the same lines...
This is not about being able to love one more child, but I found this tidbit of advice about helping the older sibling not get (too) jealous of the younger one pretty useful.
When the baby is here, you will find yourself telling Max to wait quite a bit. Just remember to show Max that he still gets to come first some times, too. For instance, if you're in the middle for giving Max his bath and the baby starts fussing, go ahead and say "All right baby, I know you want Mommy, but Mommy is giving Max his bath. I will finish Max's bath first, then I'll pick you up". Obviously the baby doesn't care about your logical explanation, but Max will notice.
Ditto. I am literally days away from number 2 and have all sorts of worries about how I will handle it, but mostly about how DD will handle it. She is used to being the center of everyone's world, and it is about to change drastically. Your words of widsom are much appreciated MHa!
Have to admit that my anxiety is gone now that I'm to the point of being done with being pregnant. But you totally made me cry like a baby... Giving dd extra cuddles right now. Oh man...
Great point, thanks for the awesome advice.
// I love you too. //
you made me tear up too. I have so much guilt about having number 2. I will miss my alone time with DS. He is the center of my world right now.
Mama Ha was right on the money, but I will go ahead and tell my story.
Sometimes, as in most times, I procrastinate. My water broke and I wasn't expecting for it to break a minute before 40 weeks, and yet it was 38 weeks and some change. I didn't have a gush, just a leak. And I was in such denial about it I ignored it and went about my evening. H went to work, I fed, bathed and put Liam to bed. The house was dirty, not picked up at all, nothing was taken care of.
DH came home in the morning and let me sleep in. When I woke up and stood out of bed it gushed and I knew that what was happening was that my water broke the day before, and I had ignored it. I wasn't emotionally ready for two kids. I was SO freaked out. I didn't want to go to the hospital, I didn't want the baby to be born yet, so I pretended that it wasn't going to happen.
Jack was born. He was beautiful with his chocolate brown eyes and black hair. Then, Evan brought Liam in to meet his new little brother, and even though he was exhausted from spending the night at grandma's house, he LOVED his brother. And he says this, "there's a really small guy who I love very very much. Do you know who he is, mama?" and I answer, "Jack-Jack" to which he replys, "OH of course!".
I have said this on this board before, but someone told me once that there is no greater gift that you can give to your child than a sibling.
Is it hard, yes. But, you'll be fine. Everyone will adjust and things will have a new normal. You're going to experience the sweetness and closeness of siblings.
Mama Ha you made me cry.....
JandK great advice...
I am actually having a hard time and I have 6 months to go... I am scared that I am not going to be able to handle 2 kids....
I guess I am worried about bringing another baby home to E..... I hope I can do this... guess I do not have a choice...
I also am a believer in "it is what it is". I can do what I can do and I am going to love my kids sooo much and that makes me a GREAT mommy!!!!!
// I love you too. //
I'm so glad I posted this. You ladies definitely have me tearing up over here. I think that it's important to remember just how much we can learn from other moms if we just let ourselves.
For that - thank you.