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September 2011 Moms
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Interacting with older toddlers

bluejettabluejetta member
in September 2011 Moms

Another issue that has come up for me - we just joined a new playgroup which is so fun.  There are 10-12 kids and we go to a local preschool that lets moms organize groups.  Most of the kids are 4-5 months older than N which is great in many ways.  She is used to older kids from daycare and from the play spaces we visit etc.  

I've noticed older toddlers in the 2-4 range can get pushy and will shove N (or other younger kids who don't know about sharing, etc) out there way. Sometimes it is gentle bumps other times I've seen kids outright mean shove. If a parent is nearby they usually intervene, if not I gently try to distract N, remover her if I think something is really wrong or try to help distract other child or if they are old enough ask them kindly to please not push, hit etc.  

This happened at playgroup Monday. 4 kids in a little play house and one kept pushing N. I know the girl is still learning and N is too little to be really upset or even necessarily notice but I swear I teared up at the thought that a little friend did something mean or that maybe N won't have friends etc.  

I feel so new and unsure about so many of these emotional / developmental things and wonder what you all do, how you react, etc. I know it is normal to be crazy protective and I'm also crazy AF hormonal right now but I felt a bit embarrassed that I might cry.

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Re: Interacting with older toddlers

  • Yasiris1105Yasiris1105 member
    Oh don't worry Mommy. Is normal. I don't go out much because I don't have a car and the car we have H uses it to go to work so Matt doesn't interact much. Still he does when we go to church and we have friends with small kids. One of our friends have a 2 year old girl who loves Matt but of course sometimes she gets... mmm territorial [?] even when she comes to my house. One time she was here and playing with Matt. Me and her Mom cannot see them because they were behind a wall but we could hear them clearly when I heard Matt fall and start crying. We went and she was standing infront of him and he was on the floor so I picked him up and her Mom sat on the floor and very seriously asked her " Did you pushed Matt?". She lowered her head and sadly said "Yes". Ok at first I was kind of mad because she knows better but then I had to laugh [I was out of sight because her Mom was telling her not to do it or no more playing and I didn't want her to see me laughing] because of her sincerity... oh kids. I knew she was just playing and when things like you mentioned happen I have to remind myself... they are kids... of course in my case I know is just some rough playing. Don't worru Bluejetta we will get accostume eventualy hehe

    Oh and this last Saturday Matt played with a kid younger than him... this time it was me saying "Matt becareful he is a baby" :P
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  • manda26manda26 member
    Its hard, unfortunately its also unavoidable with groups of kids. I try to remind myself soon ill be reprimanding O for that behavior. My friends son, almost 3, almost pushed him down stairs recently! I know I need to pay extra attention around that kid!

    Is she small for her age? I think sometimes I worry less about O because hes such a big boy. I think it'd be different if I had a girl, although I was a bit of a bully as a small child myself.

    I think how you feel is totally normal. And in time your DD will learn the tools she needs to deal with it.
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  • manda26manda26 member
    Oh and don't be embarrassed! ! Shes your baby! Its hard to see that when your baby is involved.
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  • ldcoffelldcoffel member
    A four year old? I put on my teacher voice and say something. 2? Oh well, it happens. And then try to verbalized what happened to both kids. "You wanted in there, but he was in the way. He wanted you to move..."
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  • hisaakhisaak

    Don't feel embarrassed, I still get all anxious and sad when I watch an older child not want to play with Kai.  It is hard to know that the world can be tough on little people, and know that one day you won't be able to completely protect your baby.

    That said, I try to monitor play group situations pretty carefully.  If something like that happens I try to explain when we don't hit, push, etc in age appropriate words ... Attempting to make it a learning situation for both.  I have one of each end of the spectrum right now, the shoved and the shoved. 

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