Infertility Veterans

I haven't been exactly missing it...

Hey, so I know I'm infertile, rapidly aging and my eggs have some kind of self-destruct mechanism on them that's probably at about 00:03 right now, but I can't seem to find the energy to get started on getting another RE and clinic, being tested again and starting up what's sure to be more than a month of BCPs.

It feels so naughty and luxurious to not be taking anything. I casually decline to take even my prenatals (GASP! BUT THE FOLIC ACID!) most days of the week. I am loving it.

I'm sure the panic will hit me at some point and I'll throw myself into consultations and whatnot with gusto but currently I'm sitting on the IF couch in my brain, feet up, watching some reality TV. Anyone want to pass me the chips and dip?

Re: I haven't been exactly missing it...

  • Hey, as long as you are in a good place then don't rush it! So I hope it's because you're in a good place and not in an "aw screw it, it's not worth it" kind of place! Geeked I could die for some hummus and pita chips right now. How 'bout I run out and get some of that and then I'll pass it?

    ***signature & ticker warning***


    Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
    AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!

    Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers

    Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
    Stopped BCP 4/2010.
    Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
    IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN

    IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
    BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
    FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
    FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013
    ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
    Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt)
    Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
    Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
    G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.


    If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!


    image

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  • imageDoublePortion:
    Hey, as long as you are in a good place then don't rush it! So I hope it's because you're in a good place and not in an "aw screw it, it's not worth it" kind of place! Geeked I could die for some hummus and pita chips right now. How 'bout I run out and get some of that and then I'll pass it?

    Actually, I have no idea if it's a good or bad place. To be determined, I suppose. I just think I desperately needed an emotional time out.

    As far as the pita and hummus, sounds delish.

  • That's what happened to me after our August BFN. I knew we ere going to change clinics, but I kept my head in the sand (and bottles of wine and a lack of supplements) about calling to make an appointment to get started.  When I FINALLY decided to get the ball rolling...of course, I wanted everything done and scheduled yesterday. Stick out tongue

    As DP said, as long as you're in a good place about it, then roll with it and enjoy it!  Personally, I find the self-imposed waits to be much more tolerable than those created by RE offices, procedure delays, etc.

    TTC since honeymoon in 9/2010
    Me: 39, Dx DOR (FSH = 10.5, AMH = 0.43, best AFC = 10), AMA
    MH: 37, Dx Obstructive Azoospermia, multiple successful sperm retrieval procedures

    1/2012: IVF/ICSI #1 Antagonist = cancelled d/t poor response to max stims
    2/2012: IVF/ICSI #2 MDLF (4R, 4M, 1F) = BFP, saw heartbeat, missed m/c 9w0d, D&E
    8/2012: IVF/ICSI #3 EPP/MDLF (7R, 2M, 1F) = BFN

    12/2012: (New RE) Operative hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue

    1/2013: IVF/ICSI #4 Low-dose stim/Antagonist (AFC=6); ER=1/26 (5R-couldn't access rt ovary, 5M, 4F), ET=1/29 (trans 3) = BFP!; 2/11 beta#1(13dp3dt)=2127, 2/13=3367; twin girls due 10/19/13

    PAIF/SAIF very welcome!

    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Pregnancy"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt16bf7d.aspx" alt=" BabyFruit Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
  • imagejoules12:

    That's what happened to me after our August BFN. I knew we ere going to change clinics, but I kept my head in the sand (and bottles of wine and a lack of supplements) about calling to make an appointment to get started.  When I FINALLY decided to get the ball rolling...of course, I wanted everything done and scheduled yesterday. Stick out tongue

    As DP said, as long as you're in a good place about it, then roll with it and enjoy it!  Personally, I find the self-imposed waits to be much more tolerable than those created by RE offices, procedure delays, etc.

    This. Like times a million.

    Scoopsy - I will buy the rrrrrrrruffles with rrrrrrrrridges and some onion dip. Also I have flannel pajamas on and a cozy sweater (that's how we roll up in MN!).

    Personally, metaphorically... I'm like sitting on the couch but every so often I have to get up and answer the door. Or maybe I'm mostly answering the door and in between, sitting on the couch.

    BzeetyD = 38, Mr. BzeetyD = 44 together 12/02 married 9/08
    TTC #1 since 1/10
    DX: Unexplained/??? MFI issues

    Our lil' lost sparks:
    5w3d loss 7/30/10 - EDD March 2011
    8w loss 4/15/11 - EDD November 2011
    8w3d loss 8/2/12 - EDD March 2013
    4w c/p loss 10/29/12 - EDD July 2013

    Long story: trying on our own + testing testing testing with 6 rounds of Clomid, more testing, injectables + TI, laparoscopy - one tube blocked, 2 IUIs with Follistim...BFNs.
    RPL testing all normal, Karyotyping normal

    Moving on to IVF.

    IVF #1 April 2012 = BFN, IVF #2 June 2012 = BFP. U/S 7/23 = saw heartbeat but measuring behind. Follow up U/S on 7/30 - no heartbeat. D&C 8/2. Trisomy 12. IVF #3 Oct 2012 = Chemical Pregnancy

    Phone consult with CCRM on 12/12/12 - ODWU 1/4/13 - both tubes clear(!) - AFC 24, AMH 3.2, FSH 9.6, LH 5.4, E2 25. DH has high frag rate but improved!
    IVF #4 March 2013 CCRM. EP protocol w/ Menopur, Gonal-F & Dexamethasone. ER 3/29 & IMSI, PICSI. 43R 13M 10F 6blasts bio'd. CCS testing reveals 3 normals!!!
    FET 5/31/13 of 1 4AA blast - thawed and expanded. 4dp5dt BFP.
    Beta 9dp5dt = 181, 11dp5dt = 427. 1st u/s showed a healthy heartbeat! EDD 2/16/14

    After 4 years of hoping and heartbreak, our sweet little bean was born on 2/19/14
    We are so in love with her.

    "I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."

    Everybody is welcome!!!
  • I'm going to double-dip in my bowl, so here is your own personal serving. Happy nomming!

    image


    ***signature & ticker warning***


    Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
    AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!

    Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers

    Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
    Stopped BCP 4/2010.
    Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
    IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN

    IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
    BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
    FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
    FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013
    ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
    Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt)
    Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
    Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
    G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.


    If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!


    image

    image
  • imageDoublePortion:

    I'm going to double-dip in my bowl, so here is your own personal serving. Happy nomming!

    image

    ahhhh DP.... you are enticing me!!!!  Think I'll go home and break open some hummus and pita chips too!

     Scoop... I understand how you feel completely.  After my disasterous 4th failed cycle, I just couldn't put one foot in front of the other to get ready for my 5th.... but here I am now....starting stims tomorrow (God willing) but I am beyond terrified.. as I know this is my last cycle with my OE....   I just wish I could go to sleep and wake up mid February and know if it worked or if we will begin the donor process.....  

    Me 35, DH 36
    TTC summer 2008
    Diagnose me. DOR, DH perfect
    IUI # 1 6/2010, BFN
    IUI # 2 8/2010, BFN
    IVF # 1 10/2010 Canceled poor response
    IVF 1.2 12/2010 BFP! mc 6 weeks 2 days
    Mental health break for 10 months
    IVF # 2 10/2011 BFN
    IVF # 3 5/2012 BFP! 10 eggs retrieved (best ever)
    7 fertilized transferred 3
    Beta #1 14dpo - 72, Beta #2 17dpo 145 Beta 3 20dpo 521
    First u/s June 15 saw HB 126 bpm missed m/c 7/5/12 10 weeks D&C 7/6/12
    IVF#4 ER 9/30 ET 10/3 Beta 10/16 BFFN. IVF #5 final with o/e. ER 1/21 only 1 retrieved, hoping my lonestar is the one. Beta #1 2/6/13 = 209.... please let this be it! Keep growing lonestar! Beta #2 2/8/13 - 586! , Beta #3 2/10/13 = 1898. First u/s perfect little heart beat at 116 bpm. Measure 6 weeks 1 day. EDD 10/14/13
    3/4/13 measuring right on track beautiful heartbeat 171 bpm, graduated from RE to OB... bittersweet.
    PAIF/SAIF always welcome! Its a girl! 

    Maggie Grace is here!  10/5/13... 8lbs 6 ounces of pure joy!

    TTC#2  No birth control since DD was born.  Getting ready to jump back in the saddle.  Weaning this month. RE
    appt scheduled 5/8.   Here we go again!

    IFV# 6.  10/27  6 retrieved 4 mature 3 fertilized.  2 made it to 3dt 10/30. 1"very pretty 8 cell" and 1 6 cell.  Beta
    11/13.   Please stick embies!!!!  We love you so much already! 11/12/14  POAS, BFP... beta tomorrow!
    11/13 beta #1  924!!!  2nd bet 11/15 1906, one more on 11/17 3rd & final beta 3430.  First u/s 12/5, 7w4d, 2 heartbeats,
    both measuring right on track....2nd u/s... all is well... both beans measuring right on track... released from RE... first
    appointment with MFM 1/5.  Looks like this is really happening!

    image




  • imagejoules12:

    That's what happened to me after our August BFN. I knew we ere going to change clinics, but I kept my head in the sand (and bottles of wine and a lack of supplements) about calling to make an appointment to get started.  When I FINALLY decided to get the ball rolling...of course, I wanted everything done and scheduled yesterday. Stick out tongue

    As DP said, as long as you're in a good place about it, then roll with it and enjoy it!  Personally, I find the self-imposed waits to be much more tolerable than those created by RE offices, procedure delays, etc.

    I'm sure that will be me, too.

  • imageBzeetyD:
    imagejoules12:

    That's what happened to me after our August BFN. I knew we ere going to change clinics, but I kept my head in the sand (and bottles of wine and a lack of supplements) about calling to make an appointment to get started.  When I FINALLY decided to get the ball rolling...of course, I wanted everything done and scheduled yesterday. Stick out tongue

    As DP said, as long as you're in a good place about it, then roll with it and enjoy it!  Personally, I find the self-imposed waits to be much more tolerable than those created by RE offices, procedure delays, etc.

    This. Like times a million.

    Scoopsy - I will buy the rrrrrrrruffles with rrrrrrrrridges and some onion dip. Also I have flannel pajamas on and a cozy sweater (that's how we roll up in MN!).

    Personally, metaphorically... I'm like sitting on the couch but every so often I have to get up and answer the door. Or maybe I'm mostly answering the door and in between, sitting on the couch.

    I know. So true. I guess the hardest part is that I generally throw myself into something 100 percent. I'm sort of a perfectionist. The repeat failure just stings like a mother effer and the wallowing is probably related to the fact that I haven't failed at much in life that I've really, really tried at.

    Sob sob yadda yadda. I clearly need onion dip!

  • imageDoublePortion:

    I'm going to double-dip in my bowl, so here is your own personal serving. Happy nomming!

    image

    Ah! Looks wonderful! I may need more pita but I think there's some in my fridge.

  • imageJulie21613:
    imageDoublePortion:

    I'm going to double-dip in my bowl, so here is your own personal serving. Happy nomming!

    ahhhh DP.... you are enticing me!!!!  Think I'll go home and break open some hummus and pita chips too!

     Scoop... I understand how you feel completely.  After my disasterous 4th failed cycle, I just couldn't put one foot in front of the other to get ready for my 5th.... but here I am now....starting stims tomorrow (God willing) but I am beyond terrified.. as I know this is my last cycle with my OE....   I just wish I could go to sleep and wake up mid February and know if it worked or if we will begin the donor process.....  

    I guess that's how I feel too. Wish I had a giant remote to fast-forward these crappy 'starting over' months and get straight to the ending. I want to go backward in the "Choose Your Own Adventure" of IVF.

  • It feels good to take back some control! I agree, go with it as long as it's working for you. I quit taking prenatals, DHEA, and all of the other stupid pills after our failed IVF this summer and there was something very satisfying about it.

    ************ Signature/Ticker Warning ************
    Me (32) DH (36) - Finding our way to baby #1
    Me: POF/DOR - AMH <0.16, heterozygous c677t MTHFR, insulin resistant and gluten intolerant
    DH: Severe MFI

    12/2/11 - IUI #1- BFN 
    8/1/12 - IVF #1 - Zero response from max stims (600iu intramuscularly)

    My ovaries are just for decoration

    12/6/12 - Adopted five embryos that had been frozen for over ten years!
    2/11/13 - DEmbryo FET #1 Thawed four, sadly two didn't survive. Transferred two beautiful blasts. 
    2/16/13 - First BFP of my life @ 6dp5dt! EDD 10/30/13
    3/27/13 - After beta and u/s hell, no heartbeat ever detected. D&C at 9w1d.

    6/5/13 - Adopted four new embryos that had been frozen for seven years!
     
    9/12/13 - DEmbryo FET #2. Thawed and transferred two beautiful blasts
    9/17/13 - BFP @ 5dp6dt! EDD 05/31/14
    9/29/13 - m/c @ 5w1d. :(

    11/19/13 - DEmbryo FET #3. Thawed and transferred one blast from each batch. Wow!
    11/23/13 - BFP @ 4dp6dt! EDD 8/7/13
    Beta #1 @ 13dp6dt - 522  Beta #2 @ 16dp6dt - 1373 
    6w5d ultrasound showed one perfect baby with a beautiful heartbeat of 134bpm!

    Snowflake baby is a girl! 
    Our beautiful Snowflake girl arrived on July 22, 2014!   
    My embryo adoption blog: Wishing on a Snowflake
     
        image      image 
  • All of this ladies!! Basically I will know my fate in a month's time and I am finally ready for it. I naturally assume it won't work and i am ready to face it and figure out the "what do I do now" phase..  I don't want to cycle anymore. And now I want onion dip....

    TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
    DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
    5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
    OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
    DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
    DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
    CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
    DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

    DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
    First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!

    K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days

    imageimage

    SAIF/PAIF Welcome


    http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

  • imageMrs.McIrish:
    All of this ladies!! Basically I will know my fate in a month's time and I am finally ready for it. I naturally assume it won't work and i am ready to face it and figure out the "what do I do now" phase..  I don't want to cycle anymore. And now I want onion dip....

    Many T&P that your cycle does work, but if it doesn't my T&P are that you find peace in whatever comes next. You've been through so much that I can definitely understand not wanting to cycle again. I don't know about you, but cycling makes me feel like a science experiment and you've been poked and prodded for so long. It's just exhausting!


    ***signature & ticker warning***


    Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
    AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!

    Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers

    Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
    Stopped BCP 4/2010.
    Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
    IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN

    IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
    BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
    FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
    FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013
    ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
    Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt)
    Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
    Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
    G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.


    If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!


    image

    image
  • Lol I just started with the daily pills this morning! I went cold turkey in sept and havnt taken a pill since! I had to take like 6 pills this morning! GAG hahhaa
    Me 34 and DH 39 married in aug. 2002
    Did 5 round of clomid 2010 =BFN
     High levels of NK CELLS DX sept.2012 DOR:# 0.02 
    IVF #1 May 2012  ER 4, EF 2, ET 2 =BFN
    MINI IVF Oct.2012  Cancelled 10-27-12
    Ivf #3 Antagonist Protocol April 2013
    Shared cycle..Donor cycled in July Got 12 eggs 9 fertilized and 8 frozen!!
    DE FET #1 Sept. 3rd 2013 FIRST BFP EVER 5dp5dt
    miscarried Sept 24th at 5 weeks 5 days
    Etopic  D&C and hysterscopy Nov 5 2013
    dx with pre genetic blood clotting dec 2013
    FET #2 Jan 31st  2014 
    Miscarried for a second time again at 5 weeks 5 days
    Currently fostering to adopt an amazing little 1 year old boy..P.J!
    FET#3  is Oct 29th 2014
    BFN on fet #3
    Last and FINAL FET coming JAN 28th 2015
    Everyone Welcome






  • imageDoublePortion:
    Hey, as long as you are in a good place then don't rush it! So I hope it's because you're in a good place and not in an "aw screw it, it's not worth it" kind of place! Music I could die for some hummus and pita chips right now. How 'bout I run out and get some of that and then I'll pass it?

    Ha just saw this post!!! I'm eating hummus and carrots right now but pita chips sounds so much better!
    Me 34 and DH 39 married in aug. 2002
    Did 5 round of clomid 2010 =BFN
     High levels of NK CELLS DX sept.2012 DOR:# 0.02 
    IVF #1 May 2012  ER 4, EF 2, ET 2 =BFN
    MINI IVF Oct.2012  Cancelled 10-27-12
    Ivf #3 Antagonist Protocol April 2013
    Shared cycle..Donor cycled in July Got 12 eggs 9 fertilized and 8 frozen!!
    DE FET #1 Sept. 3rd 2013 FIRST BFP EVER 5dp5dt
    miscarried Sept 24th at 5 weeks 5 days
    Etopic  D&C and hysterscopy Nov 5 2013
    dx with pre genetic blood clotting dec 2013
    FET #2 Jan 31st  2014 
    Miscarried for a second time again at 5 weeks 5 days
    Currently fostering to adopt an amazing little 1 year old boy..P.J!
    FET#3  is Oct 29th 2014
    BFN on fet #3
    Last and FINAL FET coming JAN 28th 2015
    Everyone Welcome






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