Going the Distance!

Linzala12 · January 2013

Hello! We are currently expecting baby number 2 in August. I of course told my best friend right after we heard the news. Right away she asked me if I was going to have my shower at my moms house or my house. Heres the thing I live 3 hours from my home town (which is where my bff lives as well). I know my mom would prefer to throw me a shower at her house, but if there is one in the works I would prefer it at my house. How do I make a hint of this with out them thinking Im expecting a shower? I was not even thinking of a shower until it was mentioned.

PrimRoseMama · January 2013

You don't. Whoever offers to host will host at the location of their choosing as their budget allows. If you can't make it then you decline the shower.

EastCoastBride · January 2013

If an actual OFFER is made of "I want to throw you a shower", then you do nothing/ mention nothing.

But past that - where do most of the possible guests live? Near you or near your mom? If you want people to actually come, having it in the most convienent location for them might be the best idea. Because I'll tell ya - I'd be hard pressed to travel 3 hours for a shower, much less a shower for a 2nd baby. That's asking for a HUGE chunk of peoples day.

Linzala12 · January 2013

I asked my friend why I would have a second "shower" and she said "because after 5 years do you still have everything you need?". She herself had a second full blown shower with kids two years apart...so I guess I see her thinking process. The larger items me and my husband were just going to save up to purchase. If my mom and her want to do it I'm more than flattered, its just a trip I dread making when Im not pregnant. I made it 1,000 times to go through my IVF process.

To answer the friends/family location questions...my family is "over the bridge" as we say, but I have a large friend base where I live. So it really is 50/50.

ggatlanta · January 2013

The reason to have a shower is never "we have a use for more baby items". The one and only reason is "someone offers to host one to welcome you to motherhood".

I understand you are excited to celebrate. Who wouldn't be? And I won't pretend to appreciate how difficult IVF is, because I have been fortunate not to have to go there. Clearly you are going to do whatever you want to vis a vis your shower. But if your question is, "How do I nicely tell my mother that her house is an inconvenient location for the second-baby-shower she undoubtedly plans to host for me?" then my answer is, "Wow. Think about what you just said. Then decide for yourself whether such a request can be made in a polite way."

And that is my nice answer.

Holloia · January 2013

I may have missed it, but did anyone offer a shower yet? I'll be totally honest here, I was offered a shower for both my 2nd and now my 3rd and have declined both. I felt weird having one again. My BFF did however have a little get together (and will be again) after my baby arrived but there was no games, presents, showerness etc. Anyhoo, if you are offered one and you do accept... I think it should be held wherever the host would like it to be held. That's just my 2 cents.

PrimRoseMama · January 2013

Linzala12:
I asked my friend why I would have a second "shower" and she said "because after 5 years do you still have everything you need?". She herself had a second full blown shower with kids two years apart...so I guess I see her thinking process. The larger items me and my husband were just going to save up to purchase. If my mom and her want to do it I'm more than flattered, its just a trip I dread making when Im not pregnant. I made it 1,000 times to go through my IVF process.
To answer the friends/family location questions...my family is "over the bridge" as we say, but I have a large friend base where I live. So it really is 50/50.

I'm confused. Decline the shower if you don't want to make the trip.

Helenahhandbasket · January 2013

discobelle:
Relax. You're only six weeks pregnant, and it sounds like you are putting the cart before the horse.
I think you should wait until someone actually offers to host the shower and see what they have in mind.

This was what I was going to say.

OP, it sounds like you have gone thru a lot to get pregnant (you mentioned IVF) I would take it easy for a little bit and just enjoy your pregnancy.

rhubarb123 · January 2013

discobelle:

Relax. You're only six weeks pregnant, and it sounds like you are putting the cart before the horse.

I think you should wait until someone actually offers to host the shower and see what they have in mind.

This. Also keep in mind that you are not supposed to invite people to a second shower that attended your first shower (except your mom or sisters). That might mean it should be held where you live now and invite the friends you have now...unless they came to your first shower. Then perhaps a meet the baby party would be more in liine - then anyone and everyone could be invited since it is technically not a gift giving event.

I'm with ECB in that I would definitely travel 3 hours or more for a first time mom...but probably not for a 2nd time mom.

Linzala12 · January 2013

I want to make this clear...I have not asked and or expected a shower for this baby. It was mentioned by my friend with in 10 seconds of me telling her I was pregnant. Of course I am going to ponder the idea bc of travel and other reasons. I feel that some of these responses are making me look like I am ungrateful/greedy. I am far from. I am enjoying my pregnancy (minus the headaches). I have a beautiful daughter that takes up most of my day. To feel like this is the only thing on my mind is pretty judgemental. I might only be 6 weeks, but that gives me time to make a choice to tell my mom and friend my wishes (shower vs no shower, hometown vs new town). I think because she had a 2nd shower, she expects me to have one. I do not come from the same mold as her. I did not plan and or attend her 2nd shower (I did send a gift). IF one is offered I just don't want to hurt anyones feelings if I turn it down, or request a location closer to my home.

PrimRoseMama · January 2013

Linzala12:
IF one is offered I just don't want to hurt anyones feelings if I turn it down, or request a location closer to my home.

I think you are missing the crucial point that you don't get to "request" a location. A host offers a shower in the location that they can afford or choose. If the location of the gift of a shower does not work for you then your options are: a decline the shower offer b accept and make the trip.

It's not really your place to suggest anything aside from the guest list. Your job is to show up, slap a smile on, accept gifts with grace and eat!

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