Talk to me about going from 1 to 2... — The Bump
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Talk to me about going from 1 to 2...

Because I'm scared! I know that things will be rough as we transition and we'll settle into a groove eventually, but I am really pretty nervous about bringing home number 2 in a few months. How hard is it adjusting to life with a toddler and a newborn? How off are their schedules? Will I ever sleep?? haha

Moms of 2+, you can be brutally honest. I think I need to be prepared!

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Re: Talk to me about going from 1 to 2...

  • I am going to keep an eye on this post...I am very curious too!  DD1 is going to be 23 months next week and DD2 is due 4/28!  I can't even imagine how it will be!!  Good luck to you :)
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  • I was scared but I think it was harder going from 0 to 1.

    We had some minor jealousy issues in the beginning-I would regularly be ordered to put the baby down and he would always try to squeeze on my lap when i was holding the baby.

    All I can say is I am thankful to have DH around because I don't know how single moms handle things like bed time, dinner time etc with no help.

    I can't answer the sleeping question because I have not had a decent relaxing night of sleep in 3.5 years. Someday.......

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  • My girls are almost 2.5 years apart and when we finally brought C home from the NICU, A was very curious but also very jealous. (She did meet C two times before we brought her home). I'm very thankful for help of others. My aunt came up and helped a lot. I won't lie I also sent A to daycare, so I could bond with C while on maternity leave. I believe that helped build a close bond.

    A was sleeping better by the time C came home, but I found that instead of nursing/feeding C in our bedroom (like I did with A) that I moved into the living room. A was very jealous and would get up even at 2:00 am. for feedings. Now A STTN and I'm just thankful that at least one of my kids sleep.

    I would schedule some alone time with B once #2 arrives, even if just for a few hours. We do this weekly with A and it helps out. 

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  • me too!  I am stalking this post!!!
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  • I was super scared too ! I will say Jason was 3 when sam was born so that was a good age - we had a lot of family here the first week and once dave  and i were alone we looked at each other like - AHHHHHH! My ILs were great at keeping JD busy and we sent him to school a few days to keep him in his routine. there were less than 5 instances of double naps .....

    The hardest part for me was there was no downtime the the first 8 weeks for dave and I as a couple . JD went to bed at 8ish and the baby  never really went to bed until later and didnt sleep as long so  we kinda missed those nights of aimless Tv and catching up with each other .He was working and I was waking up all hours and still ahd to get JD to school and drag a carseat so sometimes he  stayed home . I was so lucky I had a family member nearby.

    once Sam slept better and I went back to work we had more of a routine and it was much more  manageable . I will say i was not really a schedule person when jd was  born but i had to try to get Sam on a schedule or some sembelence of one so we could all function . Unfortunately sam  had to take a alot of car naps when we went out to soccer etc or Jasons activities so in that respect it wasn't as perfect as it was with the first . 

    My only suggestion would be have some planned out family or friend help during those first 12  weeks so you can take B on a special mom and dad date ( we took jd to the aquarium and had my mom watch S)  and make some time for each other - even if just ordering food in while someone else sits with the kids . You will make it !!!

  • My girls are about 18m apart.  DD#1 stayed pretty much exactly the same.  She adjusted easily to her new little sister.  No jealousy issues.  No regression.

    I did send her to daycare the whole time, though.  It helped with her schedule and kept normalcy.  It helped that my ILs are our DCPs.  And, I got some one-on-one time with DD#2.

    It was hard getting used to DD#2's sleepless schedule.  But now at almost 10m, I'm still not used to it.  Oy!

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  • My kids are 19 months apart with my youngest being 15 months old and for the first time since he's been born, I finally feel like I'm starting to get my life back.  Sorry!

    Things really starting to get tough with DS started to get mobile, maybe around 4-5 months old, because before he'd either nap a ton as a newborn or be pretty content in the swing or on the playmat.  It became harder to run errands with them both solo once DS was out of the infant car seat.  I had to be super-organized and armed with snacks, toys, etc. and just stick to the list before one of them had a complete meltdown.  Even now I still have to really psych myself up to run any kind of errand with them in tow because it could either be easy or a complete disaster.

    The hardest thing about going from 1 to 2 was when you were tending to one child, without fail, the other would cry or act up or need something that could not wait another second.  It's definitely an exercise in patience and having to tell yourself, I can't be two places at once and it's okay if one has to wait.  You learn how to prioritize very well and do a ton in advance to anticipate their needs.

    When you have a toddler, you don't realize how "easy" they are until you have a baby and go through the things you selectively forgot about like infant gas, teething, irregular sleep patterns, etc.

    I'm at the point where I have them on a pretty good schedule with naps and meals and feel a lot more in control of things.  I'm more exhausted with two kids at the end of the day for sure.  One kid is a breeze compared to two!  But I honestly wouldn't trade it for the world.  One day I'm really going to miss how much they need me and the chaos that comes along with it :)

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  • Yeah, I think my biggest worry is the time with DH. We're in such a routine and groove now that we forget those nights where the crying was non-stop for a few hours, way into the night! I know it'll all fall into place but I do worry about Bailey regressing and being jealous. We'll definitely schedule some mommy/daddy/bailey time a lot! I really need to try and find a reasonably priced program for her to start attending too (even if it's just two morning a week or something) because taking care of two of them all day and trying to get school work done is going to be challenging. But I guess anything worth doing is, right?! :)
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  • I still have 9 LONG months to go but this scares me too Melissa. We will be sending J to pre-school 2 mornings a week for 2 hours which I know he will love and hopefully will help me keep my sanity!
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  • image ngentile:

    The hardest thing about going from 1 to 2 was when you were tending to one child, without fail, the other would cry or act up or need something that could not wait another second.  It's definitely an exercise in patience and having to tell yourself, I can't be two places at once and it's okay if one has to wait.  You learn how to prioritize very well and do a ton in advance to anticipate their needs.

    YES YES YES!  Throughout my maternity leave, I sent Sydney to daycare 3x/week and kept her home with Violet and I the other two days (plus weekends, obviously). It was sooo wonderful to get to spend that extra time with Sydney that I wouldn't have had if I was working, but wow, were the days that she was at daycare a huge relief also!

    I could pretty much count on the minute that Violet would need to eat, that Sydney would need to use the potty. So, like Nikki said, you just have to prioritize.

    One big thing that I noticed with our family dynamics that I didn't expect is that Sydney usually gets top priority because she is higher maintenance as a toddler. I'm lucky that Vi is a pretty laid back, easy baby, and although I hate when I have to put her down and let her scream for a minute or five while I handle Sydney, I do what I have to do to keep Sydney happy because she is harder to please.

    We didn't have any jealousy issues and I was all kinds of prepared to make special Mommy/Sydney time, but frankly every time I ask her if she wants to go somewhere with me she says, "Is Daddy coming? Is Violet coming?" or she just says "No I want to stay here with Vi." And I'm totally cool with that.

    The one thing I very, very rarely get is alone time.  Usually its just a quick trip to the grocery store or whatever. There are times that I think how great it would be to meet up with a girlfriend for dinner kid-free (I have done it once since Vi was born), but then I really do love my little family and I'm happiest when I'm with them. Like Nikki said, soon enough there will come a time when they don't need me.

    So yeah, I was absolutely scared out of my mind to have two littles, but after a week or two, it was SO not a big deal. I don't know how it would have gone if Violet was more high maintenance with colic or reflux or whatever...I consider myself very lucky to have had two relatively easy babies.

     

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  • Thanks ladies... the honesty is terrifying and reassuring. You're all surviving and we will, too :)
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  • image dixee.deluxe:

    My girls are about 18m apart.  DD#1 stayed pretty much exactly the same.  She adjusted easily to her new little sister.  No jealousy issues.  No regression.

    Same here. B had no issue at all with the baby. They are 17 almost 18 months apart. He was such an easy going toddler. I would not say the same now :)

     I got them to take a nap about the same time as soon as I could get her to nap at certain times.  

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  • It's really late so I haven't read all of the responses....

    We didn't experience any jealousy issues, but I think a large part of that is because DH made it a point to spend special time with DS everyday that he was off for his maternity leave.  We also had a home birth so DS never had to spend the night away from us or feel left out in that regard.

    My biggest piece of advice is to lower your standards and I mean seriously lower them.  I have to remind/tell myself this - that as long as both kids are fed, not in danger and are wearing some semblance of clothing that we are having a good day!  (pathetic I know ;)

    I had another piece of advice but I am too tired to remember it...I will say that seeing DD and DS interact together melts me heart.  DD absolutely ADORES her big brother and DS is soooo good with her.

     

     

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  • image Megcheer2:
    image ngentile:

    The hardest thing about going from 1 to 2 was when you were tending to one child, without fail, the other would cry or act up or need something that could not wait another second.  It's definitely an exercise in patience and having to tell yourself, I can't be two places at once and it's okay if one has to wait.  You learn how to prioritize very well and do a ton in advance to anticipate their needs.

    The one thing I very, very rarely get is alone time.  Usually its just a quick trip to the grocery store or whatever. There are times that I think how great it would be to meet up with a girlfriend for dinner kid-free (I have done it once since Vi was born), but then I really do love my little family and I'm happiest when I'm with them. Like Nikki said, soon enough there will come a time when they don't need me.

    This too.  We don't have a lot of family around so getting time to ourselves is pretty rare and getting time for just me doesn't happen a lot but it's mostly because I suffer from major mommy-guilt leaving the kids with my DH for long periods of time.  I usually run my grocery store/Target errands during their afternoon naps or I've also been that crazy person who grocery shops at 10 pm or 6 am when everyone is in bed.  It's extreme but I tell myself, it's not going to be like this forever.  I'd rather get the errands done and be a little tired than worry how I'm going to get it all done the next day.

    And as another poster said, seriously lower your expectations :) -- the house doesn't have to be clean at all times and you may have to sacrifice some showers and full meals but as long as your kids are fed and happy, you're doing a great job!

    And yes, it is sooo heartwarming to see your two LOs play with each other and interact.  I'm an only child so I never got to experience this and it just makes it all the more special. 

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  • My girls are 30some months apart.  There wasn't any jealousy issues when we brought home D2, so that was nice.  The hardest part for us was that there is no downtime, no alone time for the parents.  With one, if you had a rough day or just needed some time, the other person played with the baby.  With 2 you just kind of suck it up and make it to bed time.

    When on maternity leave, I did send D1 to daycare 4 days a week.  We were paying for it, so we used it.  On Friday, I had both girls and we got to do things that I can't do now back at work.  It was nice but it was overwhelming.

    And D2 does not sleep well, so that's been a huge adjustment.  D1 STTN at 7 weeks, D2 has only done it a handful of times in the past 13 months.  Being tired with 2 makes it even worse.

    But we've survived so far and both girls make us laugh every day, so its 100% worth it.

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  • My girls are 16 months apart, Sophee turns 2 on Thurs., and McKenzee turns 8 months on Friday. I thought it would be harder than it has been, surprisingly, Sophee has been a great help to be so young and still a baby herself. There are times that she will be cry when Kenzee does (I call it sympathy cry), but I just soothe her along with Kenzee. There has not been any real jealousy type behavior, although she is going into "all about me" stage of development. I can honestly say that I happy I have them close in age even though it wasn't planned that way. They will be close as they get older and can learn from each other. When Kenzee was first born until about 3 months it was harder than any time after 3 months. Consistency and structure work for my girls and I think it has made it very easy for me. I think we prepare for the worse as mothers, but it turns out to be pleasant surprise!
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  • I, personally, thought it was very tough. My DS was two months shy of turning six when our LO arrived. DS was a huge help with the baby, but looking after two, was just difficult. I even went through a bout of PPD, but that quickly subsided once a routine set in (when LO turned about 12 wks.) The PPD was a very mild case where I just felt like I was not a good mom and that I didn't think I could take care of two kids. My DS's peditrician assured me that it is very common when having a second child. However, he said it is much easier the 3rd time around if we decided on having a third. Good luck to all you pregnant moms! Can't believe my little guy is already 7 months!

     

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