SAHMs..

mandiek72512 · January 2013

Besides working.. what does your DH do? Does he wash bottles? Take out the garbage? Keep the vehicles up to date on tire pressure, oil changes.. etc.

aah1013 · January 2013

My husband and I work opposite shifts,so he cares for our daughter while I'm at work. On weekends he grocery shops and prepares meals. He also helps with bottles. I rely on him quite a bit on weekends to watch dd so I can do laundry, clean, etc.

Eta: just realized this was titled sahm...oops. i work 20 to 25 hrs a week.

britbratjf · January 2013

DH is respomsible for the trash and toilets. Because ick I don't like either. He also mows the lawn and does outdoor work in the summer. I BF so we really don't have bottles often but when we do he will wash them sometimes. He also does his own laundry and sometimes washes dishes or unloads the dishwasher after I go to bed. He also does the minor home repair stuff. And will sometimes help me clean on the weekends if we have company coming over.

Edt: he also watches DD a lot on the weekends so I can grocery shop or something sans baby.

RedRose87 · January 2013

The first 6 months all baby care was totally up to me. DH does take out the trash, but sometimes I do too. House chores are all on me too. As of this past week, after I had a talk with DH about wanting him to have more of an active roll as Jon's father, he now does dinner and bath time with Jon on the weekends. And he helps with diaper changes in the mornings and on the weekend. Last night he tried to help get Jon back to sleep after he woke up.

mandiek72512 · January 2013

Is it possible to have a Dad meet up so ya'll can train my husband..

crystalrain · January 2013

My husband is in his last year of medical school so he's "working" shifts at the hospital. He has long hours so sometimes he only takes out the trash, takes care of the dog, and may wash dishes. He will do anything baby related if I need the help. When he's not working crazy hours we trade off bedtime duty and cleaning up the kitchen.

reinedecajun · January 2013

He does all the outside work, laundry on the weekends. Changes frankie when he needs it. Bathes him, does the whole lotion, book pj routine. He pretty much does whatever I ask him to do. I cant complain.

mandiek72512 · January 2013

UGH. DH does NOTHING! I mean.. nothing. He works. That's it. I do everything.. Now I want to cry..

mandiek72512 · January 2013

Jessie11LU:
mandiek72512:
UGH. DH does NOTHING! I mean.. nothing. He works. That's it. I do everything.. Now I want to cry..
Either start throwing fits or quit doing everything and he will get the picture.

I throw fits. It gets me nowhere! I asked him to wash bottles yesterday.. his response? "It's not my job" I guess I will stop doing things and see how that goes...

nesenotes · January 2013

He does bottles and dishes as needed. And other than make the money, thats about it. He likes to grill certain things when it comes to dinner. But I do all the prep and the sides. He is supposed to take out the trash. He does his own laundry. Oh and he does the yard work. I do everything else.

He does know how to clean and will do so if someone is coming over to help me out.

megs52881 · January 2013

mandiek72512:
Jessie11LU:
mandiek72512:
UGH. DH does NOTHING! I mean.. nothing. He works. That's it. I do everything.. Now I want to cry..
Either start throwing fits or quit doing everything and he will get the picture.
I throw fits. It gets me nowhere! I asked him to wash bottles yesterday.. his response? "It's not my job" I guess I will stop doing things and see how that goes...

Woh! I'd flip.

mandiek72512 · January 2013

megs52881:
mandiek72512:
Jessie11LU:
mandiek72512:
UGH. DH does NOTHING! I mean.. nothing. He works. That's it. I do everything.. Now I want to cry..
Either start throwing fits or quit doing everything and he will get the picture.
I throw fits. It gets me nowhere! I asked him to wash bottles yesterday.. his response? "It's not my job" I guess I will stop doing things and see how that goes...
Woh! I'd flip.

I do. Over and over and over. This is my number 1 reason for going back to work. Maybe I'll gain some respect then. In his eyes, I nap 2-3 hours a day and watch Teen Mom all day. A-hole.

beckyjoy8 · January 2013

DH is a great helper around the house. When LO needs to eat in the middle of the night, he goes down and gets him for me and brings him back upstairs for me to feed him. Then he takes him back down. He take LO in the mornings after I feed him so that I can sleep in some more (he works 2nd shift). He cooks a lot of lunches and cleans the kitchen a lot. Yes to taking out the garbage, cars, etc. He also does most diaper changes while he is home. He's basically amazing and I am so truly thankful!

apollonia10 · January 2013

DH and I do the exact same things, depending on who gets to them first. If I notice that the laundry is full, I do it. If DH gets to the kitchen first, he starts dinner. Same with baby stuff, except breastfeeding, lol. Though he changes more diapers to make up for it.

oncoRN · January 2013

I work full time and DH works from home/is a SAHD. He does everything during the day from 7:30-4:30. He is amazing! I take over at 4:30 and do the feedings, bathtime, bedtime, etc. I cook dinner most days because I enjoy doing it...he will vacuum during the day, and I do a quick clean up of each room of the apartment (it's pretty small) each night before bed. Weekends are laundry and more of a deep clean, usually done by me because I'm OCD! DH does bottles/formula...

mandiek72512 · January 2013

Yes Peg, that was a small part of it. Everything has been great until he started back acting like a crazy person. I don't want to sit here and bash DH.. I really just wanted an insight of other SAHMs lives to see if it was just me..... and it's obvious it is. To answer your question, I AM a push over and he IS controlling. I have no control over anything. It's my fault. I did this and I take full responsibility for it. I allowed it. I didn't mean to start a war (like what happened before) with my problems.. honestly.. I just wanted to know what everyone else's lives were like.

OUKatie · January 2013

During the week, he is responsible for her bath each night. I'm still nursing so I put her to bed. If I ask him to do something, he will (fold laundry, do dishes, etc.), so he normally does at least one "chore" per night in addition to taking out the trash (including diaper pail when necessary).

He is in charge of putting DD's ointment on her head for her eczema when he gets her ready for bed.

He deals with the yard crew (basically remembering to leave a check every other week), refills the salt in the water softener, waters all of the plants and takes care of any plant maintenence like covering during a freeze, and handles all dog meds.

Honestly, I'm normally ready for a break by the time he gets home so many nights he'll play with DD while I finish dinner and wash bottles or whatever.

On the weekends, he takes care of general house chores like filing papers, putting WD-40 on the door hinges (he is obsessed with this), changing a/c filters, and just that other random stuff that comes with owning a home.

I do everything else but keep in mind that we have a cleaning lady so I don't ever mop or scrub toilets or anything so "everything else" is really laundry, dishes, picking up, organizing, etc.

ETA: Clearly I didn't read the whole post before I responded!

Mandie, I'm sorry your H isn't helpful. I can't even imagine. Tell him to get off his @ss and be a dad, not a sperm donor. It IS his job to wash dishes if he eats at the house. Seriously, my DH works 70 hours a week and can manage all of the above and it's not like I just get to sit around and chill all day. There is no excuse. You deserve better.

zyas · January 2013

I am sort of a SAHM but I also work from home and then work outside the home on weekends. Same with my H. Our schedules are mostly the same since we own our business and work together. However he handles all the animal care such as feeding and cleaning while I do all the paperwork, phone calls, booking and finances. We trade off with LO. I look after her first thing in the morning while DH goes and cares for all the reptiles and small mammals. I am usually the one to feed our dogs and pig though as they all follow me and LO around. As soon as LO takes her morning nap I go do paperwork and return calls. DH is usually done his stuff in the afternoon so he looks after LO while I get stuff done. I do most of the indoor chores but if I ask him to do any, he always does. DH usually takes the garbage and recycling out but I do it sometimes too. It works out pretty good for us that we split things up evenly.

Pandril19 · January 2013

dbliesmer:
I just wanted to add that you going back to work will probably not make the situation better. I work FT and like I said before my evenings are pretty full with the household chores. If you hubs isn't helping out now, I don't see it changing when you go back to work. BUT maybe he'll surprise us all. I think if not you need to really reassess your situation. Either don't put up with it or learn that that's how it's going to be and deal with it.

I completely agree with this. Going back to work isn't going to magically solve your problem, as I suspect you'll find that DH's thinking is really that it's your job as wife/mother, not it's your job because you don't work.

I think you really need to have a serious talk with DH about why this system CANNOT work going forward. One parent cannot simply abdicate responsibility for the child, nor can a member of the household abdicate responsibility for the home. It just doesn't work that way.

Make a list of the chores that need doing regularly and ask DH what he'll be taking on. Make it clear that "none" is not a valid option.

temporalrobe · January 2013

we both were sahp for a time and generally its a negotiation chore by chore.

we both realized that the baby is a huge chore in itself and so it was up to us a team to get any house stuff done.

what works for us is item by item:

i'll say: do you want to feed the baby or wash dishes?

or say, i have three cleaning goals tonight, x,y,z. which do you want to do? or 'i'll do x, if you do y.'

af2004rn · January 2013

I feel like he does a lot.

Takes out the trash

Cleans table/does dinner dishes

Plays with kids for an hour

Maintains cars

Hauls laundry two floors

Sorts, washes and dries hisand my laundry (I fold it)

Runs vaccuum downstairs

Unloads groceries from the car and help put them away

Picks up any toys left our after kids go to bed. Our DD usually helps.

Gets our cash from the bank every week

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