Think I am depressed

pastalady · January 2013

Has anyone suffered depression? Maybe it has nothing to do with DD's ASD but I defintely had some grieving, got over it and thought I was fine. Like almost too fine lol, fake happy all the time. All of a sudden I am so down and angry.I'm sure this is normal and will go talk to my doctor.

I am scared to death I am becoming my mother, who also has a special needs child (my sister). She was always rainbows to everyone, the type of person everyone commented on how positive she was. Then in private she would have these insane moments of rage, which trust me I get. I just don't want to repeat it.

DD has insane sleep issues. Her new pedi will likely recommend a new medication and maybe we will get it under control. Right now the scenerio is the only way to avoid her being up for 24-36 hours is to stick to a very strict bedtime routine. Then I have to lay with her for anywhere from 1 hour (on a great night) to 3.5 hours on a bad night. Average is 2-2.5 hours. I cannot move, just lay there. If I even shift my weight before she is in a deep sleep she wakes up. Trust me, we have done sleep training and seen 2 sleep specialists, including one who specialized in ASD sleep issues.

We accept this is our life. DD will only let DH be the one to put her to sleep is I am not home. I work evenings but now DD has pushed back her bedtime so I come home from work at 9:30, then get to lay with her until 11 or so. I have no time for me at all. I am so stressed and angry.

We get respite care starting soon so I am hopeful things will get better. Bedtime will always be horrible. She only responds to like 7 mg of melatonin which is an insane amount for a 30 pound person. We stopped giving it to her and her doctor agreed it didn't seem to help much anyways.

I did download some books onto my ipod to listen to while she falls asleep. This will give me time to unwind. Oh and now we are looking at a OCD dx as well.

Just needed to vent. I guess I will see if I can get on some anti-depressants. Thanks for listening if you made it this far.

preggersINschool25 · January 2013

I don't want to say I understand completely because it is truly impossible to know what someone else is feeling, but I can definitely relate. I recently started the lowest dosage of an antidepressant and I feel better most days. I still have my moments though. I am enjoying my LO again which makes me happy.

You are not alone.

Mrs.Rose · January 2013

I went on an anti depressant after DS's birth and it was SO helpful. For me, it just took the edge off of the intense emotions.

grbnik · January 2013

I would like to add if you don't mind me jumping in. My family tends to have depression and high levels of anxiety running throughout. I am breastfeeding, but always told myself that once I was done, I would get something. I did see a counselor who diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder and PPD, but I only saw her twice (due to funding) and need to follow up with the person she referred me to still. So, I feel some of what you described, and hope that it is just situational, but even if that is the case, I can tell, there are days where the situation wins, and I am a mess. Thank you for posting. It helps me feel like I can relate to others, even though my situation is a bit different.

pastalady · January 2013

I should clarify we are now looking at adding a OCD dx for my DD, not me. I think I must be suffering from depression.

I think I must have some type of mood disorder. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone. I will be seeing my doctor next week.

mopdop2000 · January 2013

I survived many years of junk before admitting that I needed medicine to help me through the day: 6 mo old passed away, international adoptoin process, that son then diagnosed with multiple SN, other son & dh diagnosed ADHD, 3 surgeries for me, 1 for dh etc, etc, etc. Bring on a low dose of Zoloft has allowed me to feel happy again. Dh says I am a better wife & mum since starting it.

As for the sleeping thing, we bought a SN sleep tent for ds: www.myreadysetbloom.com and put him on clonidine to help him calm down enough to fall sleep. He lies in the bed until he falls asleep, but the first few weeks were hell with the crying. I would go into his room every 10 mins, tell him I love him and that he has to go to sleep. Since he can't get out of the tent, he ultimately had no choice. When he wakes up at night, he can't get out of the tent, and so I allow myself to go back to sleep.

Good sleep and my meds have made me feel like a new women!

lvnbraves · January 2013

I'm a CF mom, so slightly different special needs. That said, something that applies to us all is some research that is being done about Cf parents and PTSD.

Their findings indicate that somewhere in the neighborhood of 60 of Cf parents suffer from PTSD.

My guess is that is a pretty accurate thing across all parents of all special needs children.

This is something you might want to consider mentioning if you choose to see a therapist.

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