Inviting OOT family, s/o cousin 2000 miles away

RachelandEduardo · January 2013

I'm from the midwest, my H is from the east coast. We currently live in the midwest and my sister and mom are hosting a shower for me here. I'm struggling with what to do about my H's family out east and if/how to include them. I don't expect them to travel all this way to attend my shower (with the exception of my MIL who I hope will come), but do I send them invites anyways?

These are people I feel close enough to that if they lived here, they would come to my shower. I wouldn't be against having a shower out East but no one has mentioned hosting one. I just don't want to come off as gift grabby by sending them invites.

Any thoughts on how to handle this?

Thanks!

RachelandEduardo · January 2013

msspeedymarie:
Someone just asked this exact question earlier today - this thread might help you.
https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/71052690.aspx

Thanks, I read this post which is why I put "s/o [spin off] cousin 2000 miles away" in my title to reference the fact that my question while similar is slightly different in that it is my Hs ENTIRE family not one individual. If it were only one person, I would just go ahead and invite them but when we are talking 12-18 aunts and cousins I just wasn't sure if that should be handled in the same way.

StarBe · January 2013

this is tricky - I personally have several family members scattered all over the US and so does DH. (These are all people we keep in contact with regularly mind you). So my moms approach for this is to create a separate invite without registry information.

If you do not keep in touch on a regular basis I'd say no do not invite them but definitely send them a birth announcement.

Shayliz · January 2013

Ask your MIL. Mine requested that we invited his out of town family and they all actually did show up, I didn't expect any of them to.

Stacey209 · January 2013

We are in NJ. My aunt and cousin in Arizona told my sister they wanted an invitation even though they couldnt come. She also said to send invites to my cousins in Florida even though they couldnt come. I got the feeling that she feels more part of it by getting the actual invitation. I dont think its gift grabby because she and my cousins told my mom they were going to send gifts anyway. I guess if they are close family, its okay. If you are not close family, I wouldnt send one.

Disneygeek77 · January 2013

I was in the same situation and chose not to send them invitations. I knew there was no way on earth they would travel halfway across the country for my shower, so I didn't send them an invite. Doing so would have made me feel...I don't know, icky.

1026pumpkin · January 2013

Shayliz:
Ask your MIL. Mine requested that we invited his out of town family and they all actually did show up, I didn't expect any of them to.

I agree with this- I would definitely invite MIL, and she'll know if anyone else would realistically travel for the shower or be hurt if they didn't receive an invite. I wouldn't send invites to 18ish people, though- if you send them, I would restrict it to very close relatives (i.e. MIL, a grandmother, sister, or close aunt).

happylady5 · January 2013

I went through this same thing. We ended up sending them invitations because we wanted them to feel included. I don't think it comes off "gift grabby". I felt that it showed them how much we cared about them and wanted them to be included. And it left the decision to drive or not to them.

For what it's worth - his Aunt and Uncle (who were among the out of towners) surprised us at a shower and showed up. It was the best gift! And the other family members mailed their gifts.

ggatlanta · January 2013

Invite his mother, grandmothers, and sisters no matter what (unless you end up also having a local shower to which they will be invited). After all, including those who are going to send a present no matter what isn't gift-grabby - it's not like his mother wasn't going to get you a baby gift, right?

The aunts, cousins, etc, could get tricky, but if possible I'd leave that up to MIL or a similar matriarch. I'd just explain that I don't want to look gift-grabby nor do I want anyone to feel excluded, and is there anyone she thinks would be hurt by not getting an invitation? Then I'd send invitations to those people. (If I didn't trust her judgement, I'd skip asking her and leave it at MIL, all SILs, and his grandmothers.)

pinkcallalily · January 2013

I'm lurking, but thought I would answer anyway. All of our crosscountry family was invited to my shower and every single one of them came. I wasn't expecting them to all show up, although I thought a couple of them might. I invited them because that's what people do in my family and my relatives would be hurt if they were excluded from the invites. If there is any chance they might make the trip I would send invites and leave the decision up to them.

Everyone that was invited were people I know would have sent gifts anyway, so I wasn't worried about it looking gift grabby and since they all decided to come I was very glad they were invited. It was basically a big family reunion for us. Everyone was coming from different parts of the country so it was rare to have everyone together.

ETA: I would also consider how you would feel if you received a similar invite from them. My family is very close even though we are spread across the country. If I received an invite for one of them, I would do my best to fly in to attend. I would also be upset if they excluded me because of where I live.

LeggyNic · January 2013

ggatlanta:
Invite his mother, grandmothers, and sisters no matter what (unless you end up also having a local shower to which they will be invited). After all, including those who are going to send a present no matter what isn't gift-grabby - it's not like his mother wasn't going to get you a baby gift, right?
The aunts, cousins, etc, could get tricky, but if possible I'd leave that up to MIL or a similar matriarch. I'd just explain that I don't want to look gift-grabby nor do I want anyone to feel excluded, and is there anyone she thinks would be hurt by not getting an invitation? Then I'd send invitations to those people. (If I didn't trust her judgement, I'd skip asking her and leave it at MIL, all SILs, and his grandmothers.)

I agree! MIL may have a sister or DH may have a favorite cousin they'd like an invite sent to but otherwise stick to the immediate family.

Want a personalized experience?

Inviting OOT family, s/o cousin 2000 miles away

Re: Inviting OOT family, s/o cousin 2000 miles away

Choose Another Board

Search Boards