Back at work and not sure what to do...

Petunia844 · January 2013

Last night DS was with my mom much of the day because my siblings and spouses and me and DH all went out for a long overdue group date without the kiddos, it was also sort of a test run for me coming back to work. My work plan is 1 day a week in the office and a few hrs from home the other days, with my mom taking him on my in office days. Well we got back from dinner and she was holding him and rocking him outside... saying he was calmer outside. Ummm... it was like 47 out and he is fighting off a cold, I was not happy. Then I find out she has to take my SIL to the airport today while I'm at work... it's like 1.5-2hrs round trip... I know DS will scream at least some of that because that is a long car ride and he doesn't love the car. I had no advanced warning, no "is this ok?" I either have to flake on work and leave early my first day back or he goes to the airport... ugh. I just don't know if I can handle it, I know I can't tell my mom what exactly she can/can't do with him (although I already asked her not to take him outside if it's cold anymore) and that she is watching him for free... I just don't know if it's worth it. My pay at work is piddly, DH and I don't NEED the income, it's more for me to feel like I have a life outside of Raylan and not give up working completely... I don't want to quit and then regret it... but I don't like his care being out of my control. I wasn't expecting my mom to do two things that upset me in the first two days she had him.... I'm really torn. If you SAH do you regret quitting your job? If you work, do you get used to someone else taking care of LO not the way you do it??

adoxyinherear · January 2013

I work from home, and I feel like if I didn't have something besides DD to fill my days (and one day a week in the office), I would probably go off my rocker. I think you can at least have a conversation with your mother about how you would like things to go, and while she may still do some things you don't like, she may be more mindful? It's hard. GL!

orangegoggles · January 2013

((Hugs)) I can't imagine how hard being back at work will be. I think in the beginning you'll have to be very vocal with your mom about how your feeling. She probably doesn't consider either of those things a "big deal" so its important for you to let her know how you feel and that you will need her to run things by you, especially in the beginning. Good luck as you begin to transition back to work!

Izabella22 · January 2013

I work FT outside the home, and I was definitely in the boat of "any day now I'm going to just quit my job" for the first month or so I came back PT, and then again for a couple weeks when I transitioned to FT again. It is SO tough, there is no denying it. I am glad I stuck it out, I miss DS but he benefits from getting interaction with other kids and adults. So while its definitely hard to adjust to not being the sole caregiver, as long as what she's doing isn't endangering him in any way, its good for him to experience being with other people. And while I don't always agree w/ some of the things they do at daycare, I also remind myself that they have to learn about him and what makes THEIR day easier, and maybe they work through some of the things I might not have patience for... DS is a crappy napper but they got him to nap. And I didn't have to hear him cry doing it. So maybe the car trip is a good thing and that sort of experience will help him get better at car riding - or she'll decide its not worth the screaming and just stay home. Hang in there, its tough, but it is good for both of you to let go a little bit.

Petunia844 · January 2013

RusalkaSings:
I work from home, and I feel like if I didn't have something besides DD to fill my days (and one day a week in the office), I would probably go off my rocker.

Yea, if I quit my job I would start painting again... I went to art school but never really just painted for a job. The thing is if I do that, it wouldn't get me out of the house... it would be something to do, but it wouldn't give me adult interaction or a day out of the house. So I dunno....

KJsbabe · January 2013

My MIL watches DD while I'm at work, and yes, sometimes she does things that I freak out about. After being home on mat leave and having full control over DD's care and well being, it was hard to give that up and trust her with someone else. Sometimes she does things that I don't want her to, like sit DD in front of the TV or let her nap with a blanket, but at the end of the day she takes excellent care of her and I trust her.

Even though your mom is caring for him, he's still your child and you do get a say as to what your mom does with him. If your not comfotable with him going on a long car ride, say so. If you want advance notice about outings or activities she has planed for him, you have every right to have that. We actually started paying MIL to watch DD, even though we didn't have to, so if need be we could say to her "We're paying you, so you have to do it our way".

It might be a good idea to do a trial period at work. Have a set time frame, maybe one month, or two months, or whatever, and at the end of that time reevaluate the situation. "Do you like working or would you rather stay home?" Going back to work can be very emotional and you might not want to make a big decision like quiting right now. After you get into the groove of working you might find it refreshing to get out of the house. If you decide to stay home, there's nothing wrong with that, and you shouldn't feel like you're bailing on your job. It's not like you would never be able to work again, if you wanted to. Lots of moms go back to work after their children are in school.

hopefulmom81 · January 2013

I work 4 days a week and absolutely love it! I think it makes me a better mom. I suffered from severe Post Partum Anxiety and having some separation from DD makes our relationship so much better because I am able to be level-headed and happy when I am with her.

That being said, I only really had an issue going back in the days leading up. I felt like a terrible mom. The first day of work I got up, put on real clothes and dropped DD off without a tear in my eye. I never felt nearly as torn as you are describing.

From what you say, you aren't making a ton of income now, so if you quit, couldn't you just find something else if you decided you needed to go back to work?

chloebeth930 · January 2013

I had to quit my job when I was 4 months pregnant because DH was stationed 800 miles away so we had to move. I don't regret quitting my job but I am looking into going back to work. My income would be totally disposable and if I work for a year I will be able to pull us out of all of our debt.

I'm not sure the relationship you have with your mom, but IMO he is your baby and you have the right to tell anyone (even your mom) what she can/can't do with him. I lived with my mom for a few months while DH was in Afghanistan (rent free, bill free, free childcare from her when I wanted to go out) and I never felt like I couldn't tell her what could/couldn't be done with Lil.

I would sit down with her, tell her you appreciate her watching him for free but that these things " " are and aren't ok to do with him. Money shouldn't be a determining factor in the care you want for your son. If you were paying a daycare provider you would tell them what is and isn't ok. Don't be afraid to speak up to your mom. If she doesn't take it well or doesn't respect your decision then that is one more reason to add in the "to quit my job column."

Want a personalized experience?

Back at work and not sure what to do...

Re: Back at work and not sure what to do...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards