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Baby Showers
How to handle host who only allows books as presents
My friend offered today to throw me a baby shower for 10-12 friends. I was relieved, because otherwise my mom was going to throw a shower that I thought was too big (with family and friends).
However, my friend said that if she hosts, she may institute her "books only" presents rule. Apparently she has instituted this rule before. She said that for her and others without kids or any interest in kid stuff, it is boring to sit through a shower with a bunch of practical baby gifts. She said books are better at promoting fun conversation and making the gift opening go quickly.
I am not sure that I want that many books, though, especially when there are other things I need. I also think, as a guest, I would find that confusing because books can be inexpensive and I wouldn't know how many books to buy.
I'm really uncomfortable telling her that I don't just want books, though--I'm a people pleaser and she's doing me a favor. Could I tell people about my registry on the side? Do I even have to worry about people actually complying with this rule?
Any suggestions?
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Re: How to handle host who only allows books as presents
If she insists on "books only" I would decline the shower.
It is rude to dictate to guests what gifts to buy.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
I think you can either decline your friend's shower (you could tell her that your mom offered) or you can suggest to her that you feel uncomfortable dictating how your guests spend their money or putting rules on presents.
That said, if you accept her shower, you really can't dictate the type of shower she throws. If she goes ahead with her "books only rule," you can still register for the items you want and if anyone asks you if you are registered, you can let them know where you have registered. If I received an invite for a book shower, I would still probably look for a registry at the usual suspects (BRU, BBB, Target) and purchase a baby item in addition to the book.
I wouldn't worry about having "too many" books if indeed you end up having a book shower- my DS is 2 and probably has 100 books- we read at least 5-6/day, and he rotates through his favorites, so if you have 10-12 books from your shower, I'm sure you'll end up reading all of them on a regular basis if your LO likes them.
I hadn't thought about how guests might consider it rude as well...that's a very good point.
Do you think it would be considered rude to say "please consider purchasing a book" instead of "books only"? Maybe that is a compromise I could suggest to my friend...
Argh, I wish I could just have a normal shower
I think it would be rude either way. I would just decline the shower and tell the friend that you don't feel comfortable telling guests what gifts to buy. It's completely bizarre (as is her reasoning), IMO. I would just let your mom throw one and just keep your guest list to a minimum. She doesn't have to invite everyone.
And it's for only 10 - 12 people? Is it really going to be all that bad to sit through that gift opening? It'll take all of 15 minutes!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I would decline the shower. Your prospective hostess sounds a bit odd, and I don't think it would be worth the stress and aggravation.
And I know this wasn't your idea, but if I was invited to a "books only" shower, I'd be offended and would not attend. I really don't like being told what gifts to buy, especially for a baby shower when there are so many more fun/cuter/more helpful alternatives!
I would decline the shower and allow your mom to host it (even with all of the guests). Your friends reasoning is really off. Maybe she really doesn't understand that a baby shower is to help set up a new mom with practical (and cute) things to take care of a baby. Books are nice to have after the baby is a bit older but they are not a necessity. Just let her know that although you appreciate her offer your mom wants to host a shower for you and leave it at that.
BTW...I would have a difficult type sitting through a "book" shower unless I was a librarian or maybe a teacher. I also would not like to be dictated to as far as how I can spend my own money.
THIS. Totally agree.
Over-40 parents...what we lack in vigor, we make up for with cunning.
I would decline.
It's not about what the host/guests would find interesting, it's about celebrating a mom to be and showering her with things she will need.
Hosting is her gift to you, gifts shouldn't come with provisos or limitations like "I'll only do it if they give you books."
It's also super rude to tell people what they should buy for you. If she wanted to do a "book theme" with baby books as the centerpieces, or have guests sign a book instead of a traditional guest book, that would be cute - she could do book marks as favors.
But a "books only" shower is just as bad as a "cash only" shower in my opinion.
If someone really felt this way, they more than likely wouldn't go to a baby shower in the first place. It's pretty well understood that part of going to a shower of any kind involves watching the guest of honor open gifts, whatever type they may be. .I would decline, also. Dictating what people have to get you because she personally finds baby things boring is off base.
Not sure if you are still reading these replies, so late in the game and all, but I thought I'd share my opinion anyway.
We are doing a shower for my SIL next weekend and in our invite we asked that guests bring a book instead of a card, to give baby a great reading start. We also listed where she was registered. That way they can get a gift and a book. Would your friend consider this option? With the cost of cards these days, some are $5 or more, a book is a very affordable alternative. I haven't had anyone complain about this so far, most seem to like the idea.
Good luck with whatever you decide. The job of being the grateful mom-to-be can be a tough on at times!
Do NOT do this! There are about a million posts on the subject as to why this is rude and gift grabby.
Same here.