MIL name situation...

JennyLN913 · January 2013

So, hey, ladies!

Last week, we found out we are expecting a boy (yay!). I just received a text from my MIL tonight that said "I'd like for him to be named Murphy after my Irish family. Middle name is fine."

Uh.....

We were planning on an Irish first name for our boy anyway (DD has an Irish first name as well). My family has zero Irish in it, it's all DH's side. And, of course, our baby gets DH's family's last name. I would think that is enough homage to DH's family. And, to be honest...I really dislike "Murphy".

But the thing that bothers me the most is how she worded it. Almost like we don't have a choice here. I guess I want to know how to tactfully respond to her (after DH and I talk it over, of course). Ideas?

manzda · January 2013

Maybe respond, "thanks for the input, we will have to think it over".

Rachel Goldstein · January 2013

I definitely say talk with DH about it. Perhaps ask her if she has any other suggestions? I don't like the way she worded it either. It's more of a demand than a request which is rather rude considering it's not HER baby. Anyway, see if she has any other names on the list? Tell her perhaps you'd like something shorter, or longer, just make it up to get her to dish out a few more.

MILs are tricky business. GL!

alithebull1 · January 2013

I want to say just ignore it and she'll deal once she finds out the full name at birth unless she brings it up to your face. However, I know how I am and would probably tell her to check herself...tactfully of course

nykkybaby · January 2013

My thought here is that it's not like you've just found out you are pregnant. What's to say you don't have a name? Personally I would say DH and I have already picked this LO's name and we are so looking forward to you finding out. But we are keeping it a surprise until baby is born. Happyface.

I hate to be judgemental but I think it is so rude of your MIL to almost force her will upon you. She had her kids and chance to name them. You're correct that you already pay homage to your DH 's side with the last name. Your little man, your choice!

cmurray · January 2013

Well I would just tell her that you guys are currently looking at names and you'll add it to the list.That way it seems as if you will consider it.( but you know it's not gonna make the cut). It's not her baby!

MotherMayEye · January 2013

Text back that you cannot use it because Murphy is a dog's name. Tell her you are having a human baby, not a puppy. But when you adopt your next dog, it will be named Murphy, fo sho.

bananers · January 2013

MotherMayEye:
Text back that you cannot use it because Murphy is a dog's name. Tell her you are having a human baby, not a puppy. But when you adopt your next dog, it will be named Murphy, fo sho.

LOL, I love this.

In all seriousness, I agree with pp's suggestions. Either tell her you already have a name, or tell her you'll add it to the list and think it over. Or, you could just flat out tell her you're sorry, but that it's not your style. Bottom line, it's your choice, not hers, and despite how she worded it, most people would understand that naming the baby is you and DH's decision, not hers.

krwact · January 2013

"Middle name is fine."

This is the part that killed me. Oh really, MIL? You'll allow me to use it as a middle name? My blood would BOIL. I appreciate that your desire here is to be tactful because she obviously isn't!

JennyLN913 · January 2013

krwact:
"Middle name is fine."
This is the part that killed me. Oh really, MIL? You'll allow me to use it as a middle name? My blood would BOIL. I appreciate that your desire here is to be tactful because she obviously isn't!

She wouldn't ever be described as a "tactful" person...

JennyLN913 · January 2013

MotherMayEye:
Text back that you cannot use it because Murphy is a dog's name. Tell her you are having a human baby, not a puppy. But when you adopt your next dog, it will be named Murphy, fo sho.

It's funny you should mention this, because one of the ladies we dogsit for has a "Murphy" and that dog is all I think about when I think of that name!

CRLSMC2011 · January 2013

Since you say she is not a "tactful" person, I wouldn't hesitate to say straight out that you already have a name picked out and you will share when LO gets here.

Definitely rude of her to do that. And Murphy is a last name, not a first name (no offense to Murphy Brown)...

hogrefea · January 2013

I'd tell her that if she would like a family member with the name Murphy in their name to go ahead and get pregnant or adopt a kid. WTH would she think that she could choose the name for your child? Unreal.

jennycounsell · January 2013

Yikes, that's crazy! I would just tell her that you guys have already decided on a name...and if she continues to pressure you have DH shut her down. That is SO not her place!!!

Good Luck!

Lolalipsy · January 2013

jennycounsell:
Yikes, that's crazy!nbsp; I would just tell her that you guys have already decided on a name...and if she continues to pressure you have DH shut her down. That is SO not her place!!!Good Luck!

I think I'd probably do this. Tell her that we have already chosen the baby's name. If that doesn't work then i would ask my husband to help out. He is really tactful with things like this whereas at the moment I am quite reactionary. I really enjoy getting baby name suggestions but like yourself would feel very uncomfortable if they were expected of me.

HoolahZinger · January 2013

Congrats on your little boy! I would word it as:

"Thank you for your input. The great news is that we already have planned on an Irish first name so the heritage will be honored!"

Just leave it at that and move on. I'm not a fan of Murphy either Wink GL!

bowman958 · January 2013

I have memorized a polite phrase that is helpful for MILs, Moms, loud Grandmas, everyone!! It goes: "Thank you for your input. We will take it into consideration when we make our decision." Emphasis on OUR decision!! It usually ends the conversation, especially if you deliver it with kindness!!

ILoveSnacks · January 2013

I'd be tempted to reply with "Oh really?" but I'd probably just ignore the text.

quiggels219 · January 2013

Is there anyway she was kidding and it didn't come across in text? You know her so I am guessing if she made awkward jokes you would have known and she would have ended it with a haha or lol. I only thought that because my dad makes jokes about us naming our little girl Edwina after him because his name is Edward and adds but if you just want Edwina as the middle name that's fine too. He is 110% kidding and makes weird jokes all the time and we will joke back about baby Edwina, even thought he knows the real name and loves it haha.

If she wasn't kidding then I just would not respond. My MIL can be pretty rude and I can not tell you how many times I just do not respond to her texts because there is nothing nice I could say. I will tell DH your mom texted me this today and I didn't respond but if you want to talk to her about it go for it. I am lucky mine lives across the country and I see her usually once a year.

MAdams728 · January 2013

I think honesty is the best policy. If you dont like the name, just tell her that (politely).

My inlaws did something similiar, they said they came up with Jayden Marie and thought it was perfect. No offense to anyone who likes the name, but Jayden is probably at the top of my most disliked names list. I quickly said thanks for thinking of the baby, but we were pretty sure we had already decided on a name (which we had). Upfront, easy, and no need to get DH involved. They havent made suggestions since.

mbody · January 2013

manzda:
Maybe respond, "thanks for the input, we will have to think it over".

I like this response. Even if the name is out of the question. Your MIL has some nerve.

Blueyed228 · January 2013

I would have text back "Well then you should have named one of your sons that"

Beachy730 · January 2013

Blueyed228:
I would have text back "Well then you should have named one of your sons that"

Yep. My MIL tried naming our baby as soon as she found out I was pg. She said "well (H's grandpa's name) is a family name." I said "oh, well you had 3 boys, why didn't you name any of them that?" It's H's youngest brother's middle name, but still. Don't try and name my kid when you've had 3 of your own to name.

Max'smom · January 2013

You could reply with something like - We are looking at several Irish names. Thanks for the imput. - and leave it at that.

When anyone has a name suggestion for me I usually repeat the name with a polite nod and don't really engage further in the converstation. DHs family is all pretty vocal with suggestions. I try to just brush it off. DH and I don't really offer any info on what we are talking about as far as names. Both DSs were not offically named until they were born.

brrkrrs18 · January 2013

Ahhh!! That would irritate me so bad!! I would make DH deal with her...

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