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Attachment Parenting
So frustrated! Naps/ self soothing/ CIO
My 5 mo is having a very difficult time with naps, mostly his last nap of the day. It is usually right after I pick him up form daycare (grandpa grandma) and he has been napping well all day. He will rub his eyes and fuss but then be wide awake and blowing raspberries. He usually has 90 minute wake times and I lay him down before he is fussy.
I don't want to leave him to CIO, but at the same time I am fearful that he is not learning to self soothe. He never falls asleep for naps or bed on his own. It always takes a lot of coaxing, swinging, bouncing, nursing, whatever. Am I impeding my sons ability to self soothe? I don't know what to do. I really feel lost. If I am in the room or snuggling he is being awake and playful, if I leave he yells and shouts until this eventually turns into crying and quickly escalates into screaming before I intervene. If I step into the room, it's right back to play time in a split second, the screaming stops. I have tried just being in the room, and he just plays and plays. This eventually turns into a hysterical bedtime routine. On a good day (that he does get his late nap) bedtime is nursing, book, bed and he goes right down, but this seems to be more and more rare. What can I do?
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Re: So frustrated! Naps/ self soothing/ CIO
Is he napping after 90 minutes at the grandparents? It sounds to me like he's trying to get rid of that last nap- which means he needs to be awake longer in between his other naps.
How long after pick-up is that last nap? Maybe he's missing mommy and doesn't want to go right to sleep so he's fighting it.
I promise you that you are not impeding his ability to self soothe. 5 months is still really young, and no matter how you help him to get to sleep, he will learn to self-soothe. As my grandmother told my mother, you will not be rocking him to sleep in college.
My son started daycare at 5 months, and I remember that evenings around that time were pretty rough. Up until he dropped that last nap. He was tired, but also wired and wanting to play. He was hungry, he was needy, and when he did take a nap, it was usually only 15-30 minutes (long enough for me to throw dinner together).
FWIW, my son needed to be rocked to sleep while at home for naps and bedtime until around 11 months. At daycare, he needed to be rocked to sleep for naps, until one day he just didn't. They didn't do anything differently and I didn't do anything differently, he just reached an age where he didn't need the help. Or he had some comprehension of what was going to happen and didn't fear sleep because he knew he was in safe environment. Or whatever. But it does happen on its own.
At that age we would go for a walk and he would take a power nap in the stroller and it would be enough to get him to bed time. (not sure what the alternative is if it is too cold for this.) He was only on 3 naps but trying to drop that last one. maybe see if he needs more time awake before going down. i like the 2-3-4 pattern. put him down for nap 1 after being awake 2 hours. nap 2 after being awake for 3 hours and then bedtime is close to 4 hours of being awake.
and like the PP, mine just one day didn't need to be rocked anymore. I loved rocking him so it wasn't me giving it up. but he would start grunting and pushing off with his back legs so i would just turn on his music and leave the room. this was around 8 1/2 months and now at 9 he doesn't nurse to sleep anymore. He will stay awake, "talk" to me. and i do the same thing as naps. kisses and music. he has never cried more than a min (except when he was learning how to pull up but not sure how to get down - but that only lasted a few days) i just went in there and laid him back down until he went to sleep.
At about 5 months is when both of my kids went from waking/napping around the clock with one longer chunk of sleep at night (hopefully) to a "real" nap schedule with a morning nap around 9 am and an afternoon nap around 1 pm.
Before worrying so much about the ability to self-soothe, you might consider trying him on an older baby nap schedule with longer periods of waking and (hopefully) fewer but longer naps. It sounds to me like you are poised to make a successful switch to this!
Echoing what others have said... I think 5 months was also the beginning of a "schedule" for us too. Two hours (max) of awake time between naps, and a shorter awake time between last nap and bed time.
Don't stress - you're doing everything exactly right!
Thanks for this post-- I was also concerned about CIO/self-soothing/naps, and this was just what I needed to see right now. Never heard of the 2-3-4 plan, either-- and that sounds perfect for my little one.
Thanks again! :-)
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