Post mc announcing

Mrsmac10210 · January 2013

In my first pregnancy, I pretty much told the world. I had a mc at 7w4d. Although it sucked untelling everyone, I had no regrets because I got all the support in the world.
Now, I'm preggy again, 3 months later. I haven't quite told the world, but those I've told don't seem nearly as excited for me as they did the first time. They said the right things, but with a look of worry and concern on their face. I don't blame them...that's pretty much how I reacted to my BFP as well. Maybe it's the hormones making my feelings hurt, but I have now decided to at least wait until my appt hopefully they'll do an u/s before telling more people. Or wait til I am farther along than I was the first time. I'm only 6w2d now. Can anyone relate to this?

aessary03 · January 2013

I have no experience in this department. But wanted to say fingers crossed for a sticky baby for you!!

TristansMom01 · January 2013

I can't but for this reason I'm waiting again to tell everyone. I've never experienced a loss, and I'm sorry you have. My close family knows and I am 9 weeks now but I won't "tell the world" until we are in the second trimester.

BabyHearnBlair · January 2013

I don't have any experience either and know everyone is different but my mom had a mc after she had me and then had 4 more no problems at all! So congrats!

Nascarmom48 · January 2013

Yes 100%! I have had 7 losses. So this time when I told my family they were very concern and worry for me. so they were not excited. My mom said that when I pass my mark of my longest loss that when she said she would feel happy excited but for her right now she very scared for me. Its very normal. They will be excited they are worry for you right now.

katharine25 · January 2013

We're waiting longer this time around to tell the world, pretty much for the reason that we would rather evoke excitement than concern from the majority of people. We've only told our parents, and they are cautiously optimistic as are we.

I have no regrets about telling people our first pg and the support we received, and that was after a good ultrasound - because the truth is your never safe. This time around I have a separate support system of loss moms and don't really "need" anyone else, if that makes sense. I suspect as we progress we'll start telling people whose love and support we will need, and then "tell the world" sometime after 20w when excitement can come with less fears.

CarliVelcro · January 2013

I can totally relate. I'm 7w3d I had a m m/c at ten weeks were the baby stopped developing at 9w2d. I haven't told anyone yet as I am fearful of the same thing happening. I found the support I got after the m/c overwhelming and I was actually consoling ppl after they congratulated me when I had to tell them the bad news. I want to wait until the second tri before I say anything.
I'm finding it hard this time I was up all night crying because my boobs stopped hurting. I'm terrified the baby will die again and I won't know so every little twinge and gas bubble makes me stop.
My dr says that one m/c is not related to another unless there are many. I keep trying to treat this pg like its my first but there is always that nagging feeling at the back of my mind. I'm staying positive with the help of DH he talks my worries out with me and helps me realize that most of my worry is because I'm internalizing everything.
I don't know what to be doing I want to wait to tell like I planned, I feel like if I tell ppl now I'm only doing it in case I m/c so ill have a reason to miss work and everything.
I think if I can make it past the 9 week make without a nervous breakdown ill be alright. Baby steps pun intended make small goals towards the bigger one I guess, I'm new at this.
Good luck with everything, you should try over at the PgAL board too I lurk there I find some of the discussions there helpful.

lcenci · January 2013

I can definitely relate. I lost my first pregnancy at around five weeks, but had told the world from the moment I had my first positive blood count. It was devastating to tell everyone afterwards. Now i'm almost 11 weeks and waited to tell immediate family only after my first u/s and appointment. The rest of the world will get to know once I hit the beginning of my second trimester. I am cautious, but as my doctor notes I am only high risk for the first few weeks due to previous history.

Ktbug613 · January 2013

The internal debate of to tell or not to tell after a miscarriage is very personal. For me i am not sorry i shouted from the rooftops my first pregnancy. Untelling people was hard but the support i received was touching. For me to not tell and then have a miscarriage would leave me feeling likemy baby was never acknowledged. The acknowledgment of her existence was important for my healing. My husband on the other hand feels very differently he didn't even want our moms knowing until we hit second tri.

Linz-E · January 2013

After my first m/c I waited until the 8/9 week u/s to tell people. This time around I took the opportunity to surprise our family on Christmas since we just moved out of state this fall. Now that Im spotting a lot (never did with my healthy baby) Im seriously regretting it. Do what you think is best. Im the kind of person that likes to plan and move on after something like this so I dont like having to explain it and have others dwell on it or ask "how are you doing" 100 times.

Iblamethebeer · January 2013

Even without a history of m/c, if you want a big excited response, wait for 12 weeks and a confirmed HB on doppler. That's when most people feel they can be non-tentatively excited for you.

fritz799 · January 2013

I can totally relate. We had two early losses and now I'm a little over seven weeks along.

We told a few friends the first time, and also our moms. I mean, we were totally naive about miscarriage, you know? The friends were really great about the loss--but our moms handled it poorly. One of them actually sent a baby gift to us a month later. OMG, I nearly pulled out her hair--but I digress.

The second time, we didn't tell anyone and, frankly, that didn't help. This time, we've told our moms and two friends. We're waiting until the end of the first trimester to tell everyone else. It's more superstition than anything. I mean, if I lose this baby any further along, I think I'd want our closest friends to know (because I'd want that support).

JoySeattle · January 2013

I don't have experience, but I wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss and hope this is a sticky baby for you. I would wait to tell until after an u/s and further along, but we're personally waiting until after our u/s at 9 weeks (tomorrow!) and then a few more so we can hopefully tell family in person. Then we'll tell friends in the second tri. Best wishes!

MrsRonBurgundy · January 2013

Hi, First off I am sorry for your loss and I hope this baby stays and stays and comes out so healthy and beautiful.

I am a big believer in waiting until after the first tri- to tell. This is very cultural in my family. With DS we waited until after the first tri- to tell everyone, even our close family. It was very lonely to have no one know, but, like I said, that is just how people do it in my circle.

I am 6 wks now and sort of blurted it out to my neighbor/friend. The moment I did I was sorry I had. Now I'm in limbo thinking I might have mc, waiting to confirm that on Monday. If I did mc un-telling her is the least of my concerns, obviously, but the truth is I'm really regretting that I told her at all.

Whatever you decide, I hope for a healthy baby for you and wish you lots of luck!

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