December 2011 Moms
MissAmy2006
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I thought SAH was supposed to be easy! (ya right)
MissAmy2006
member
Ok so I have been trying my hand at this SAH mom thing for about 2 months now and all I have to say is WOW! How do you ladies do it all? I think I am more exhaust now than I ever was when working. DD has now got used to me being home and wants my attention constantly - I cant hardly put her down anymore without massive tantrums. DH is work alot and so not really home to help or give me a break. I feel myself starting to unravel fast - any advise on dealing with the transition from WM to SAHM?
Thanks gals!
Amy
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Re: I thought SAH was supposed to be easy! (ya right)
I totally feel your pain! I've SAH from the beginning and it took me about 6 months to start to get a grip on things.
Advice? At this point I'd try and wean out some of those tantrums. This, I know, is so difficult but it wears on both of you. I'd find a safe place for her to have her tantrums and get over them where you can step away and regroup....her crib, the PnP, maybe a closed off safe room? Let her have toys so when she calms she can start to entertain herself. Maybe use a CIO method....wait 5 minutes and then go back, etc.
Otherwise....get on some sort of a routine. I have a huge binder of meal plans. I take 7 out each week and plan my grocery list from them. I have certain days where I focus on certain cleaning tasks. What most people don't realize about being a SAH is how dirty/messy your house gets because you're there all the time. If you keep on top of these things it keeps you in a better mood.
I've always been a SAHM since having DS but I agree with pp- having some sort of routine helps immensely. Personally my kids go stir crazy if we spend too much time at home so we try to get out of the house everyday for at least an hour even if it is just running errands or going grocery shopping. I know it's hard when your only child is younger but now our Dec babies are about a year old so they are at an age where you can start to actually do fun activities. When I had just 1 child our weekly "routine" was Mon- Story time at the library, Tues- Go to the zoo (when weather permits), Wed- Run errands, Thurs- mom activity which for me was a women's bible study that had child care provided and Fri- visit grandma and grandpa. We would do our daily activity in the morning, come home in time for lunch and then nap time would take up a large portion of the afternoon then start dinner prep around 4pm and by 6 DH would be home. It was nice having this routine and kept us busy and kept DS from having too much down time which caused tantrums and boredom.
As for the clingy-ness that could just be a stage or your LO adjusting to you being around more. I agree with pp that you should let LO have the tantrum in a safe place and remember that being a SAHM doesn't mean you have to be entertaining your LO every second of every day. My kids definitely have a lot of individual play time while I do stuff around the house and I also don't think there is anything wrong with letting your LO watch a little tv if they are extra antsy. HTH!
AMEN to the "Being a SAHM doesn't mean that you have to be entertaining your LO every second of every day"
My sanity is about to be saved in that we're going to be starting DS on 2 days of daycare per week for more than anything, to get him some social time with other kids, but because of DH's job requiring so much of him, I NEVER get a break. I've gotten five total 2-3 hour with one 12hour stretches away from my little Bug since he was born, and mind you, he doesn't SSTN yet (especially with being sick)... It's about balance. With DD even though I was SAHM for her too there was a couple days of DC for her which really helped balance things for me because I had a chance to get some work done on those days (I also handle all of our landscaping)..
In my ideal world, if it was possible, I'd go back to work. Unfortunately, at this point it's not about the economics but I've been out of the workforce for so long that going back would be almost impossible without going back to school first..
I have been a SAHM since LO was born and I agree with pp, you need a routine, perhaps some of the clingy-ness is due to a big routine change aswell as always having mum home, this is what we do every weekday and it works for us, if we do stay in he gets bored and has way more tantrums:
8-8.30 Wake up
8.30 - 9.30 play
9.30 Breakfast
Play until nap at 11 - 1 (aproximate as nap can be anything from 1-2 hrs)
1.30 lunch
2pm:
Mon: Go to Early years center
Tues: Go Shopping
Wed: Go to Early Years Center
Thurs: Go for a walk
Fri: Moms Group
4-6: Nap (aproximate as nap can be anything from 1-2 hrs)
6: play until daddy comes home
7.30 ish mom makes dinner, daddy takes over
8ish: Dinner
8.30 bath
9pm bed
We have the same routine every say, sometimes the activities change, but not that often. I think babies thrive on routine at this age. I have definitley noticed more tantrums over the holidays when he had none of his usual daytime activities.
Diagnosed with Anti little c antibodies. DS1 7.11.11 - Anaemia and Jaundice. 10 days in the NICU, 1 exchange transfusion and 4 blood transfusions. DS2 29.8.13 - Anaemia 7 days in the NICU and 1 exchange transfusion. Both are now happy and healthy.As a working mom who spent the first four months at home, I would love to have some of your struggles. I know each has their challenges, but I'd love for my struggle to be, "what activity do we do today", rather than "I have to leave my baby at home, sick while I go to work."
ETA: the second hardest challenge for me, as a working mom, was explaining to my boss why I couldn't travel when I lost what little freezer stash I had to hurricane sandy. Maybe I'm bitter because I don't feel like I ever have enough time with E, but I hope some perspective helps you appreciate all the time you have with your LOs. Not everyone is so lucky.
You know what's painful? Leaving your baby for 8 hours in someone else's care while you artificially milk yourself 3x a day in a little room where people love to jiggle the knob! Get.over.yourself
Success After Losses. I carry your
uhh what? oh wait i just heard the worlds tiniest violin playing my heart bleeds. wah wah wah. Enjoy your bonbons, fruitloops.
Wow, I am really surprised by some comments.
SAHM don't always sit around and eat bonbons. It can be really hard to be a SAHM. OP, I hope it gets easier for you soon! Hang in there.
Surprised, disappointed that this thread went to the nasty place.
I have been a stay at home mom and do find it to be easy for the most part but I had 16 years of nanny/household management under my belt before becoming a mom. I know how to prevent loneliness. I know how to build a routine that works for a family. I didn't suffer any postpartum blues, or depression. I have a husband who works in a career that allows him the flexibility to help out a lot.
I am glad that the op ask for tips,
My best tip for encouraging alone play is to have a special bin of stuff that comes out when I need a baby break.
If I'm working in the kitchen I will lay out a few towels, bring out the tub toys and fill some metal pie plates with water for her to splash around in.
Woah, ladies! I think the important part to remember is that we each have our OWN struggles and none of them can be compared to what someone else is going through. For me, I am find that SAH is MUCH more difficult than working. When I was working, at least I was getting break time to myself and at home there is no one to "releive" me for break time! I have been working on an evening schedule with my DH so that I can have 30 minutes of time for me with no interuption. So far it has been just the balance I have need to keep me calm!
Thank you so much for your input it really helps me through it all.
Be kind!
I do this transition at the end of every school year. I pull LO out of DC and become a SAHM for about 3 months during my summer break. Last summer, I made a "schedule." I did grocery shopping on one day, we did library story time, swim lessons, went to the playground, for runs/walks in the jogging stroller, to the dog park, etc. He wasn't quite as active then, so I'm looking forward to this summer when I can take him to the zoo, children's museum, etc. Do you have things like that in your area so you can get out of the house sometimes?
As for the exhaustion thing, I can't offer advice on that. I find that I have MUCH more energy when I am dealing with my own child on a daily basis than being underpaid to deal with 130 other kiddos, LOL
I will say, that in general, I have more energy when I exercise, even if it's just a 30 minute walk.
LO is in a phase right now where he hates to be put down if I am not in the room. When I come home from work, he is pretty much attached at my hip until we eat dinner and start getting ready for bed. No help there, except I know it's exhausting and I hope he grows out of it soon. He also has started crying when I leave him at DC, which is very difficult for me.
Don't feel like you have to entertain LO all the time though. There is some value in them learning to play on their own. I've been on Christmas break for 2 weeks and I've started putting the gate up so he's "stuck" in the enclosure made by our sofa sectional. I rotate his toys and pull out some new ones every 2-3 days and he's usually OK playing on his own for 20-30 minutes.