- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Blended Families
brandyleighxx
member
Non clicky poll - facebook question
brandyleighxx
member
Are you friends with your stepkids mother on facebook?
Over the last 2 years, DH's ex has friend requested me twice and I denied both times. One of the times, DH explained we're just not comfortable with that yet.
Well, I think I'm ready because 1. I want to build some type of relationship with her as kids are getting to the age that we will see her more (i.e. school activities or sporting events) and I want it to feel less awkward and also, part of me is just curious as to what she's got on there. She's not smart enough, IMO, to delete old posts or pictures that may be incriminating or to filter future posts. I, however, spent the last 2 days modifying everything on my FB in case I decide to friend request her.
The downside to this, though, will be that I'll feel like I have to be careful about what I post. I just don't want her knowing some things, ya know? Like, anything she could use against us in a custody or child support case.
Thoughts?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Non clicky poll - facebook question
I hear ya. I just never talk to her in person at this point because when she arrives, I'm attending to my 4 month old while DH goes down to let them in the garage and I stay in the van with my son when DH takes them in their moms at drop off.
I agree with this completely.
I had a better relationship with BM when she wouldn't allow DH and I to take the kids for unsupervised visits (for the first year after her and DH broke up) than I do now (5 years later). DH and I would visit the kids at BM's house (usually outside on the porch or whatnot) so BM would be around. We would make light conversation etc. and I felt like we had an okay relationship. However, since she started letting us have the kids for unsupervised visits, we would just pick them up and drop them off. Usually I would stay in the vehicle while DH would get the kids. There was only one circumstance in all of those years where I picked the kids up from BM and it was awkward as heck. It's kind of weird that we have a bit more of a strained relationship now than before. We say very little to one another when we see each other but it's always quite positive. When we dropped the kids off before Christmas, she even congratulated me on my pregnancy. That was pretty nice.
That being said, I still wouldn't become friends with her on FB. I have no desire to know what's happening in her daily life (although I'm certain much of it WOULD be incriminating) and I certainly don't need her to know what's happening in ours. We have nothing to hide but I would still feel like I had to censor myself. Knowing BM, I don't think she would ever want to be friends with me or DH on FB because she knows she would have to censor herself. Her actions etc. are always quite inappropriate so I'm sure she knows she would be outing herself on a regular basis. I suppose that's why neither of us have ever gotten a friend request from her!
It might be difficult to get to know BM in real life because you're tending to your own children or don't see her as much but, do you really need to have a close relationship with her? DH and I have a civil relationship with BM. I'm sure it could be better but her lack of communication doesn't allow for that. So, we do what we can to communicate and get along. But we don't feel that we have to be good friends or anything.
BFP #1 09/02/11 M/C 09/12/11 8w6days
BFP #2 07/18/12 Baby S born on his EDD 03/23/13
SS - age 12...SD - age 8...DS - 13 mos.
...
I have a rule. I don't friend anyone that makes me feel like I have to censor what I say or post.
I have very few co-workers (past and present) on my FB and I most certainly would not want to friend my husband's significant others.
You don't need facebook to build a relationship. You can do it the old fashioned way - talking to her face to face and giving her real photos.
As much as I'm curious as to BM's happenings on FB I just couldn't do it. I'm afraid I would lose my mind over things she would likely post since it is doubtful there would be any type of censoring from her side. FI's page is open to friends of friends so she can see everything on his. It bugs me honestly but thats b/c she can see our discussions, pics etc. I would prefer my info stay private. She will also share things w/ SS's after cyber stalking what FI writes and blow surprises and what not. Frustrating. I would block her but I'm sure that would cause issues as well.