Potty Train: Signs say yes, but DD says no!

IPmama · January 2013

My DD is 25 months and I feel as though she shows signs she is physically ready to be potty trained, except she is just stubborn and refuses to do it. I am not sure if I should keep trying or just look at it again in a few months.

She can pull her pants up/down, tells me when she needs a new diaper, can sit on the potty for a long time, wakes up from naps dry, goes pee about every 2-3 hours. She can actually start to pee and stop in midflow, also she can hold it forever!

I had a 3 days vacation at home to try to potty train. We would go in panties or naked, I let her decide. We had the potty in a very convenient spot. I was laid back and didn't push. I let this be her idea. I had lots of juice and water for her to drink.

First day, I showed her the baby doll going potty and gave it a treat for going pee pee in the potty. She didn't care. Anyway, she had two accidents, after that she would start to go, stop herself from having a full blown accident and then would just hold it. It took several tries to convince her to just go, but she finally sat and emptied her bladder. Then later on went potty on her own. Then daddy came home and she refused to go potty. She just flat out held it.

Second day, she refused to go pee pee in the potty. She would sit on the potty and even start to pee but would hold it. I only let her hold it for 2-3 hours before I finally just put a diaper on her. I have heard it is bad to make a toddler hold it for long periods of time. She did this all day!

Third day, exact same thing as second day. She just would hold it, I even put a diaper on her, she would pee, then she would take her own diaper off. UGH!

I am assuming she isn't ready? Are there any tips? She is just so stubborn!

sunnydays99 · January 2013

I would wait until she's more cooperative. If she's stubborn by nature then it's likely to just become a power struggle and this is one thing that she is in complete control over. Maybe in a few months try again and see if she responds better. You may have to wait for her to initiate it, sometimes stubborn people need to think it was their idea!!

sucredee · January 2013

This was my DD pretty much exactly at 25 months . I tried 3 day PT and it was a big fail. She could care less about any of the treats (stuff she likes, chocolate and stickers). I did it for 1.5 days and then I quit. At that point she had not pooped for almost 4 days and I could tell she needed to go so I gave up. She would hold her pee too. I ended up giving her a M&M for sitting on the potty and she would sit for like 10 seconds and get up. A few minutes later she peed all over the place.

Luckily for us it was summer. I started letting her run around naked as much as possible whenever we were at home. Most of the time she would be fine and hold out for a diaper when we had to leave the house but she had a few minor accidents. I didn't even mention the potty because she didn't want to have anything to do with it. I started taking her poopy diaper to the toilet with her and dumping it in and telling her that poop and pee goes in the potty. We would sing "pee pee in the potty" at random times because she liked it but that was it.

One month after our failed attempt we went on vacation, I had brought her travel potty with just in case (she still had no interest in it at all and could care less about dirty diapers). We were in a house on a lake and she spent lots of time naked. One day out of the blue I just said: if you have to go pee ask for a diaper or sit on the potty and she decided to go pee and poop in the potty all of a sudden. She had a couple of minor accidents and of course I had nothing with us other than diapers (plus we had to fly back a couple of days later) so she remained in diapers for a couple of days while traveling and one home I sent her to school in underwear (gave her a choice: diapers or underwear). She hasn't looked back since. 2 weeks later she ditched the diaper at night as well (her choice) and has only had 2 big accidents and 1 or 2 small ones. That was 5 months ago.

I think you probably just need to back off completely. If you can let her run round naked at home I would. I think it helped DD put 2 and 2 together. From the get go DD has told me when she has to go potty. I never ask because she always refuses. I just had to give her all the control and that is how she likes it. The only time I have used a treat is if I really need her to go pee before a long drive and then she happily obliges. In town I just take her travel potty with me (compact collapsible potty/ring) since she does not respond well to being told she needs to sit on the potty before going anywhere. She was also terrified of big toilets initially which is why i love her travel potty. This is what has worked for us. In the last couple of weeks she has become pretty comfortable with sitting on the toilet without a ring (with me holding her otherwise she would fall in) so I've started leaving it at home more.

If it becomes a power struggle it will just take longer. That's what happened with my DD with my PT attempt so I quit. Plus she was constipated for a couple of days after and that wasn't worth it to me. Just talk to her about it matter of factly but don't push anything. I also never watched any DVDs with her and we only had one book that was just a story about her favorite character going potty. For some kids those work and not for others like everything else with potty training.

Good luck. It sounds like she is physically ready so I bet it will happen before too long. I know how frustrating it is when you know they can do it but they won't. I think DD just had to get enough confidence that she could do it and then never looked back.

TiffanyBerry · January 2013

So she's physically ready, but not mentally ready. That means she's not ready right now. I'd wait and try again later.

lisa5ny · January 2013

She's still young....back off awhile and try again in several months. Like a pp said, she may be physically ready but she not mentally. She needs to WANT to use the potty.

Im having this exact issue with DD, but shes a little older, will be 3 In march. She's totally capable, but has no interest in using the potty. I'm going to wait and try again when she turns 3 or starts showing signs that she wants too use the potty.

BelhurstBride · January 2013

TiffanyBerry:
So she's physically ready, but not mentally ready. That means she's not ready right now. I'd wait and try again later.

I agree. DD is in the same place (and has been for 6 months or so). I'm not pushing and letting her take the lead. She has a potty and knows where to find it and has panties she knows she can wear if she chooses. She just doesn't. She will when she's ready.

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