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Two Under 2
Working mom- stressed out - HELP!!!! (long)
I am in need of so much help at the moment. I am so stressed out with life in general but the majority of my stress is coming from home. So here is a little back story so you know where I am coming from...
My husband and I have a 16 month old son and a 2 month old daughter. We live in a 3 bedroom townhouse and my mother lives with us. Right now, my mom has the master bedroom, my husband and I have a small room and the kids have their own room to share for now however, both kids and DH and I are all sleeping in the same room right now.(DD in bassinett and DS in the bed with DH and I).
Here is where the stress is coming in: I work full time, 8-5 outside of the home, I had to go back to work a month after DD was born. DH works full time but his schedule is all over the place as he works in food service. So our sleep arrangement is for the birds since we dont have our bed/room to ourselves. We are both exhausted, more so than we would be normally with a newborn. During the days, my mom takes care of the kids and DH helps out when he is off work during the days. Since I have returned to work, DS has been very emotional. He will be playing with his toys just fine until my mom needs to pick up DD to feed or change her. At that moment he becomes very upset and has to be picked up. He will stand holding onto my moms leg, just sobbing and some times he is in such hysterics that he makes himself vomit. Mom has tried sitting on the couch while she feeds DD so she is able to hold both of them but that doesn't work either.
DS doesnt seem to do this when I am home.. he does get emotional but I am usually able to get him to go play with a toy while I feed DD and he will be fine for long enough. My mom is getting very stressed out because of all the screaming and crying and not being able to reason with DS since he is only 16 months. Her frustration gets taken out on DH and I and we are all starting to crack under the pressure.
We need to get both kids sleeping in their own room so that we can have a better night's sleep and I need to figure out what to do about DS having meltdowns.
Does it get any easier???
Please help! I need real world suggestions, not best case scenarios.
TIA
Baby # 2 is on their way!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Working mom- stressed out - HELP!!!! (long)
Step 1- breathe!
Step 2- get your older one back into his room! I'm not anti-cosleeping, I know it works for some people, but it doesn't seem to be working for you. There are many different methods to getting your child to sleep in his bed, and you will have to choose the one that works for you. We did a modified CIO technique where I sat next to the crib and rubbed LO's head so they knew I was there, when they were comfortable with that, then I just sat next to the crib, and then I left the room. I did this when they were much younger now, I'm not sure how well it would work on a toddler.
What does your kids schedule look like? Is it possible for your MIL to put your DS in a high chair and give him a small snack when she is feeding the baby? That way she is giving attention to your older one as well, but he is contained and occupied.
Lastly, I'd come up with some sort of cleaning schedule for yourself (and your DH). For us it's easiest to get the kids to sleep first (by 8pm) and then just spend and hour or so just getting the chores done. It's amazing what you can do in an hour if you just decided to do it. I know your DH isn't home every night, but he has to be home at some point in the day right? My DH works night so sometimes he comes home in the morning and gets "his" chores done then, sometimes he sleeps first and gets them done in the afternoon, and sometimes he waits until I'm home and does them with me. The point is that no matter how different the schedules are, there is always time to get it done! GL
Your kids are young and it is hard. I'd first work on getting your kids out of your room, you'll be MUCH happier. DS slept in our bed for a while and it was very stressful and no one got much sleep. It was very hard on us. I'd keep the baby in your room until she is STTN, then put her in the room with DS.
It does get easier...but it takes time. Is there anyway you could put the kids in DC even for one day a week to give your mom a break?
Thank you ladies. I am going to look into trying what yo0u have suggested. Unfortunately, my mom can not babywear DS. She has a bad knee so she must be careful with how long she caries him since he is tall and weighs more than the average 1.5 yr old.
Our first goal is to get DS sleeping in his own room. Wish us luck!
I'd get DS in his room ASAP. CIO works wonders, it may be tough the first night or so, but stick to it. I'd probably keep DD in your room in a bassinet for now until she is STTN and DS is comfortable and STTN in his room.
As far as the temper tantrums, I would just have your mother ignore it. He cannot be picked up every single time DD is and he needs to learn that. I would however get him involved with caring for DD. when it's time for a change or bottle for DD, I'd give him a job to so.. Go get the burp cloth! Grab DDs diaper! So he's involved in her care and maybe he will feel less jealous.
Good luck!
I really like the idea of having DS help. I think that may just work.
Can you guys give me a run down of CIO? I understand the idea but i am not positive on the actual process.
Thanks!
There are many different typs of CIO, most of them consist of making a bed time "routine" so your LO know's its bed time (i.e.- sippy of milk, then PJ's, then brush teeth, then book, then bed). After your routine is done you put your LO down in the crib, say "good night" and leave the room. They will likely start to cry, at that point you start the timer. At set intervals you would go in and check on them to make sure they are OK and eventually they will fall asleep. Some kids do better when you don't go in at all, but you will have to find out what's best for your LO. The first night can seem like it lasts FOREVER, esp with an older child (they have a lot more stamina and stubbornness)- I've never had it last for more than 30 minutes, but again, I did it when my kids were smaller. I hope this helps, anyone else feel free to chime in if I forgot anything, it's been a while!