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Blended Families
SimpleJane
member
not BF related, drinking around the kids
SimpleJane
member
The post below about BM taking SD to a bar got me thinking.
I almost always have a glass.of wine or beer w my meal when eating out. My bf does sometimes too. Also, at home at night the kids have seen me drink wine. Never more than a glass or two though.
I was just thinking how easily it could sound bad if DS went back to XH and was all "Mom and J were drinking when we went out last night." I have a reasonable XH so he would know better than to think I was drunk or something, but some people have bad relationships with the other bioparent so I can see how that could be blown out of proportion.
So, if you go to dinner with your SO and the kids, do you ever have a drink? Do you worry about it? What about at home?
I almost always have a glass.of wine or beer w my meal when eating out. My bf does sometimes too. Also, at home at night the kids have seen me drink wine. Never more than a glass or two though.
I was just thinking how easily it could sound bad if DS went back to XH and was all "Mom and J were drinking when we went out last night." I have a reasonable XH so he would know better than to think I was drunk or something, but some people have bad relationships with the other bioparent so I can see how that could be blown out of proportion.
So, if you go to dinner with your SO and the kids, do you ever have a drink? Do you worry about it? What about at home?
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Re: not BF related, drinking around the kids
1 or 2 nights a week at home. Usually its wine or beer with dinner.... If we go out I almost always have a glass of wine, I like to try new ones without buying a whole bottle.
This issue got raised at mediation one time with BM and DH. The mediator basically told BM that its not illegal to drink, even around kids, and if the child isn't being endangered in anyway then there isn't a problem. Take being a blended family out of the equation and what would you and DH do as an "intact" family?
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We are long distance but I remember 2 summers ago, during our summer visitation I took the kids with me to do some grocery shopping.
SS saw a beer display as we walked past the section of the store and said...."my mommy likes beer but not in a can only in a bottle".
It was jarring for me to A)Hear him say "Beer" and
KNOW her preference, but I know I grew up kinda sheltered and so I just told DH about it. He didn't like it but didn't say anything to BM. like pp said, it's not illegal to drink but yeah it is concerning.
We do not drink at all when we have the kids.
We have SS EOWE but have DS 24/7. We don't have a drink, either of us, when we are at dinner with kids. When we have dinner just the two of us, or with friends without kids one of us may have a drink but we won't both have one.
If we are at home, on a weekend we have SS, we won't drink at all. If it's not a weekend we have him, we may have a drink after DS is in bed. Alcoholism runs was always prominent in my family and I grew up introduced to alcohol at an early age. I went through a horrible phase in my young teens due to that. I don't want my children exposed to it earlier than necessary.
Every family is different though and it truly depends on your situation.
I very rarely have a drink so if the stepkids were to see me have an alcoholic beverage they would be in shock. Even if they told BM that I was drinking she would not believe them.
We very rarely go out to eat at restaurants and when we do with the children it is a special occassion and they know daddy will have a beer (they are 13 and 15). If we are entertaining at home or out, they know that wine will be a problem.
I used to raise an eyebrow though when BM was living with her ex and we would drop off the kids and the garage door would be open and I would see casses an cases of beer piled up and my step son would mentioned that Boyfriend would ask him to get him a beer. But it wasn't my place to say anything and I think my husband did mention it once.
We do sometimes have a drink even if the kids are with us. And sometimes at home one of us will have a beer or a glass of wine at dinner.
I don't worry about it. If they ask for a sip they get told no. If they ask why we explain that this is for adults only because it can affect the body in certain ways. My hope is that my kids will know that alcohol is for adults and there's no problem with it when it is consumed moderately.
I don't see anything wrong with one or two. And some people hold their alcohol better than others. If you're one to get tipsy off of a glass or two of wine - then it would be inappropriate and your judgement is impaired.
I come from a small, farming community of Catholics. I grew up around beer and wine at family parties and social events. It was normal. My family drinks wine and beer at family gatherings, and they have since I was very little. The big difference is my family always drinks responsibly and none of us have ever had issues as far as becoming alcoholics, OWI's, etc. But we don't hang out in bars all the time, but we do like a good party and socializing on weekends. I haven't done that myself in a long time since this mess with H and having DD. I can't remember the last time I felt tipsy or had more than 2-3 drinks at any given time.
Do I worry what H might think?? LMAO. No. Considering H's job is bouncing in a bar, he had an OWI, he's a former big partier, SD's mom is an alcoholic, and his family is full of drug addicts and felons....my having a drink or two, maybe every other day, is nothing.
Plus, H has only seen my drunk once and that was almost 7 years ago.
That's exactly why we never drink around the kids. We never say things like "man I could use a drink right now" or anything like that even around friends.
BM is not reasonable, and has been trying to say that FI is a drunk ever since they seperated (I can tell you he's had maybe five beers in the last year!). It's ridiculous, and she has no ground to say it, but we also don't want to add any fuel to the fire.
It also helps that we rarely go out to dinner (costs too much and the kids can't sit still at a restaurant).
Maybe once or twice a month we open a bottle of wine at home. It's usually when we have company.
Once or twice a year I might order a cocktail when we're eating out.
I would have a problem if DS told me that he went out w/ XH and his gf and both of them drank and then one of them drove him home. Other than that, I would prefer if they did not get drunk around him.
When I was a single mom I would not drink when I had DS.
I'm a BM and a SM. My SKs are here EOWE but my BKs are here 24/7. A few nights a month I have a glass of wine or two with dinner. Sometimes I'll order a drink or two when we eat out with or without kids.
I'm a legal adult and I drink responsibly. There is nothing wrong with that so there is nothing to hide. IMO it's very important for me as a parent to model a good relationship with alcohol because where else will they learn that? I may not be their mom but I'm SKs parent as well so I don't act differently with this than I do with my BKs.
This post reminds me of the time DH bought Jack Daniels BBQ sauce. The kids had some last summer and were learning how to read. They really liked it so they kept talking about how DH bought them Jack Daniels and how much they liked Jack Daniels. They kept forgetting to add BBQ sauce to the end of that. I was waiting for someone to say something.
On the bar front, its a legal, public place and I'm guessing if it were inappropriate they would not be allowed in by the staff
Have you ever heard the story of Tracey Gold from Growing Pains, she had a car accident and her one child was taken to th e hospital with very minor injuries when she legally drove drunk after 1 drink, her DH was supposed to drive and he drank and the several people at the party commented when they left that they were happy she was driving because she was fine. She said she will never forgive herself for that stupid decision and would never drive again if drinking at all, luckily the whole family was ok.
And let me say, I used to drink a lot in my 20s and barely do now because after two kids it makes me tired but think the people caring for a kid need to be able to drive without concern if kids are with them.
We drink whether SD is around or not. We don't get wasted or out of control. We have people over with or without their kids most weekends. We are very social and so are our kids. We don't see anything wrong with drinking 1 or 2 in front of the kids. SD is older but we will do the same thing with DD. I don't see a problem with going to dinner and having a margarita or DH having a beer. We actually brew beer at our house and we have a little group that comes over every 2 weeks and brews with us. It's usually not a SD weekend but we still have DD. She likes having people around and I'll have a drink. I have driven home with both kids in the car after having a glass of wine with dinner. I wasn't impaired, I wasn't endangering anyone. On NYE I had 2 vodka sodas and half a glass of champagne. Both kids were there and DD had woken up around 11:30 so she was awake at midnight. I didn't drive anywhere that night and we did NYE at our house so I wouldn't have the kids out on the streets. I think if you are responsible about it there is no problem.
With that said, DH's sister use to drink a whole bottle of wine and then try to drive with our niece. That I had a problem with. SIL is tiny and you could tell she was impaired. I will not put the girls in danger with my drinking.
Honestly I never drink when the kids are awake and around me. I see nothing wrong with a parent having one drink around their kids. I just choose not to because I know how quick it is to get me drunk.
We only drink on a rare occasion. I have had 1 glass of wine in the past year when we didn't have the kids. I weigh under 100lbs. 1 drink would put me over the legal limit in my state. My parents were alcoholics when I was growing up (my mom still is/my dad is not because he has MS and is already impaired enough he doesn't want to add to that). So in no way to I want to model the "need" for any type of drug/alcohol they are exposed to that by my family and I want to show them that type of lifestyle isn't needed and you can be happy without it.