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Intro and Vent

xcjumpxcjump member
in Blended Families

I have a SS who is 10 and DH and I are expecting a baby girl on January 13th.   We live in MD and BM lives in Michigan.   BM has custody for winter break and for most of the summer.   SS has some developmental delays as well as gross and fine motor skills problem, he is still in a mainstream classroom.  He is in 5th grade this year and has started to change classrooms and is having difficulties with this.   Plus he has problems making friends because he is a couple years behind in maturity and when he gets frustrated, he cries.   We are trying to get him all the necessary services he needs through his IEP including an adult aide.  

BM sent DH a text when SS came back from BM's after winter break saying she discussed with SS and wanted him to come spend 6th grade with her.  There is a court ordered custody agreement that gives DH primary custody.  For her to discuss this with SS is inapprorpiate, IMHO.  Plus SS's problem with school are going to follow him wherever he goes and she should not be entertaining other possibilies with him as it is not beneficial for him.   Furthermore, she is not a good role model for him.  Part of the reason, she wants him is for the extra welfare money, when he came back last summer, he told us that.   SS said if he went to live with BM, she would receive money and she needed the money.   She only works part-time and he also said recently, I want to work part-time like BM so that I can have more time with my friends.   The whole situation is frustrating!  

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Re: Intro and Vent

  • NineoceansNineoceans member
    Welcome to the board! Sounds like the Bm was acting completely childish. When our Bm does things like that, for instance telling us SS is her best friend, we just remind her that she is the adult and he is the child.

    I'd just tell her I'm glad you connected but we don't allow 10 year olds to make life altering decisions and then keep it moving. If she's anything like our Bm you will never make an impact on her so just say "that's nice" and try to move on
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  • lily_721lily_721 member

    Welcome to the board. 

    BM tried this with SS1.  She had a whole plan how she was going to "take" SS1 because he is 18 and we couldn't stop her.  She gave SS1 a sob story about how much she missed him and she needed him.  DH told BM we would not be providing child support.  She immediately changed her tune and told SS1 to stay with us. 

    together since 2006
    full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
    married since 2011

    TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
    HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
    S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
    Bloodwork: normal
    2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
    Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
    New RE appt 8/14/12
    IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
    Beta #1 BFP! 97
    Beta #2 234
    Beta #3 4937
    ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
    10/20/12 graduated!!!
    EDD 6/7/12
    Team PINK!!

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  • xcjumpxcjump member
    Thanks for the welcome and advice!
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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member
    I hope your DH calmly told her that he understands her wanting her son there, but that it was inappropriate for her to discuss that with him before they had a chance to talk.  And I hope he calmly told her that if she is seriously considering it, she needs to look into a lawyer and get court proceedings started.
    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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