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September 2013 Moms
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MIL Annoyances already...

melrose8809melrose8809 member
in September 2013 Moms

So we shared the news with our immediate family on New Year's Day-- if I get to share the news with my family then this means that he gets to share the news with his. Tongue Tied

The annoyances with my MIL started when we announced that we would begin trying to conceive (we are very open and close with our families). Everytime we saw her (her house is literally around the corner from ours so it was pretty often) she'd ask if I was pregnant, when I would respond no she started asking if I was ovulating. Then she started making comments about her conceiving immediately & how she didn't have any problems (insinuating that I had fertility issues since I didn't conceive my first month TTC) and it made me start having anxiety. (In the end it only took me two months to conceive after getting off BC). DH ended up having a talk with her about minding her business and to stop bringing it up because it was causing unnecessary stressors.

We took her to brunch on NY and announced the news--- immediately after she started in on the "when I was pregnant" and "we didn't need all that stuff". Then she tagged along when we headed over to Target and she wanted to look at the baby section. We went down aisle after aisle and she named off everything that was unnessasary and expensive. The topic of crib bumpers came up and I mentioned how we won't be using them because of the SIDS risk (I am a Director of an Infant-Toddler Day Care Center so I am constantly hearing about the latest SIDS information). She then proceeded to tell me that she used them and her kids must have been "smart" because they didn't suffocate from bumpers. DH then pointed out a glider because he thought it looked comfortable and then she butts in again with "I have my rocker from when my kids were little-- you can just use that one, no reason to spend money on one". My response in my head, "No thanks lady... I do not want to be nursing in the middle of the night in an old, hard, wooden rocker."

Sorry for my long b**** session but I'm already tired of her comments about the cost of things, and her opinion of things, and what I need and don't need. I know what I need-- I work with new moms everyday and I've taken care of young children for over ten years--- lots has changed since you became a mom almost 30 years ago...

 Anyone else having family/friend annoyances yet?

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Re: MIL Annoyances already...

  • NYHeelNYHeel member
    That is annoying - very nosy of her! My MIL can drive me nuts, too. She's so opinionated and is always telling us what we should / shouldn't be spending money on, too. None of her business! She's already buying baby clothes, too, which is very generous of her, but I haven't been able to tell her yet what I like vs don't like. We have such different taste that I just know she's going to be wasting her money on things we'll never use. 
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  • andy711andy711 member
    I won't this time around but did with my 1st pregnancy and my best advice is to just not worry about it because it will all work out. I think DH ended up telling her to relax on all the mom to mom sale items she started buying to save money as we knew we were having a baby shower. She wanted us to get a used car seat and I remember I basically just said that they recommend not doing that and moved on. Like I said it will all work out the way you intend and it is just stressful listening to it at the time.
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  • akbrown64akbrown64 member
    Not yet, but I'm sure MIL will start treating me like I'm breakable very soon. She'll also start asking me how I'm feeling every 2 minutes. Luckily my parents are pretty relaxed and treat me like normal.
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  • melrose8809melrose8809 member

    imageakbrown64:
    Not yet, but I'm sure MIL will start treating me like I'm breakable very soon. She'll also start asking me how I'm feeling every 2 minutes. Luckily my parents are pretty relaxed and treat me like normal.

     Yes, I am so thankful that my parents are so much more relaxed! But maybe that's why my MIL irritates me so much because I'm not used to someone being so overbearing!

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  • SCtoDCSCtoDC

    I think that if you want people/family to respect boundaries, you have to have boundaries.  By letting everyone know you were trying and then the moment you were pregnant, you aren't really projecting any expectations of privacy, in my opinion anyway.

    Maybe hold some cards closer to the vest and people won't feel quite so bold in voicing their opinions.

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  • haynes12haynes12 member
    Oh my gosh! My MIL drives me insane. She is all the time telling me how to raise our 4 year old. I was telling her that we were refinishing our sons old crib, for the new baby and she said to make sure we used safe paint. Really? She also told me that she didn't think I needed to be taking classes while I was pregnant. She told me the other day that I better give my 4 year old Tylenol. He didn't even have a fever! For some reason, she goes into overdrive when I'm pregnant!
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  • kje120kje120 member
    This is my exact reason for not telling anyone yet.  I really don't need people all up in my business.
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  • melrose8809melrose8809 member
    imageSCtoDC:

    I think that if you want people/family to respect boundaries, you have to have boundaries.  By letting everyone know you were trying and then the moment you were pregnant, you aren't really projecting any expectations of privacy, in my opinion anyway.

    Maybe hold some cards closer to the vest and people won't feel quite so bold in voicing their opinions.

    I wasn't "telling everyone I know"; we told immediate family and we are open with them about what is going on with our lives. I don't think that should give them an open door policy to voice their opinions on everything. I was just venting about my MIL's personality and how frustrated I already was. I can't voice this to my husband since his response is "that's just how she is" and thought some people might be able to relate here.

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  • michelle7482michelle7482 member
    I stopped telling my MIL things bc she thinks I'm overprotective, especially when it comes to SIDS and it drives me nuts. If I hear one more time that her kids didn't die from sleeping on their belly.... It's my kid and ill do what I want!! It drove me insane!!

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  • SCtoDCSCtoDC

    Maybe I phrased this wrong, my intention wasn't to upset you.  I guess I was trying to say that perhaps if you try being a little bit less 'open' with your extended family, it may be easier to institute respectful boundaries. 

    This issue isn't going to get easier once baby is here, so my intent was to offer some constructive advice to make future boundary battles easier.  There is nothing wrong with being open with family, but it is a two way street and sometimes family (esp Mothers and MILs) have a hard time realizing that they might be overstepping if they've never been told that they're doing it.

    I have plenty of MIL issues myself, boundaries being a big one, although not in this exact way.  I hope you can get a handle on the situation, and especially hope that your husband will get on board so you can have a united front on what your boundaries are!  Best wishes!

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  • melrose8809melrose8809 member
    imageSCtoDC:

    Maybe I phrased this wrong, my intention wasn't to upset you.  I guess I was trying to say that perhaps if you try being a little bit less 'open' with your extended family, it may be easier to institute respectful boundaries. 

    This issue isn't going to get easier once baby is here, so my intent was to offer some constructive advice to make future boundary battles easier.  There is nothing wrong with being open with family, but it is a two way street and sometimes family (esp Mothers and MILs) have a hard time realizing that they might be overstepping if they've never been told that they're doing it.

    I have plenty of MIL issues myself, boundaries being a big one, although not in this exact way.  I hope you can get a handle on the situation, and especially hope that your husband will get on board so you can have a united front on what your boundaries are!  Best wishes!

    Sorry, maybe I interpreted it wrong. She's been told on several occasions that she oversteps her boundaries. I know I'm going to have a long standing battle with her about butting into our parenting and I will continue to be irritated with her. She loves us dearly but has never known how to keep her mouth shut or have the ability to keep her opinions to herself-- her excuse... "I'm just being honest, I don't lie!" To me that's just an easy out so she doesn't have to control what comes out of her mouth.

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  • willsmummawillsmumma member
    My MIL and I used to have issues and one day I had just had enough, picked up the phone and called her out on the many things that she did that upset me. When all was said and done we now have a much better relationship. She just wasn't aware of how her actions/words made me feel. I think for me doing that was the right thing even though DH thought for sure she wouldn't be receptive to it. Maybe try talking to her and tell her how it makes you feel that she oversteps.....she may be more receptive to you being the one that speaks to her as opposed to your DH. 
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