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Blended Families
CFjo2010
member
Gotta vent before I go ahead and say what I want...
CFjo2010
member
Since I'm not pregnant anymore, I can no longer say what I want and blame my outbursts on pregnancy hormones. Man, I really miss getting to use that excuse...
Our schedule with K is 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends with the weekend beginning on Thursday after school. There's more time included, but the basis of the latest issue is the weekends. This has been the schedule since August 2010. And now it's apparently an issue. This year was also my husband's year to have K for Christmas Eve, Christmas, NYE and NY. With the way the holidays fell this year, it happened to work out that K was here for 9 of the last 10 days. Not 9 days straight, but today is the first day she hasn't been here at all, and then we get her back tomorrow through Sunday. And it's been great. She's been so excited to spend the time with her new baby sister and older siblings, my folks and other family members. All 6 of us have had a fantastic time, and on Sunday when K got picked up she was really bummed about going back to Gma's even though she was coming right back here for NYE and even asked her mother if she could "pretty please" stay here overnight instead going back and forth. BM of course told her "no" and they left.
Sure enough, the good times couldn't last. Not even 10 minutes after leaving our house, BM calls my husband claiming that K was crying hysterically in the car and that K is so "heartbroken" (yes, that was BM's exact phrasing) about missing out on time with her Uncle who is visiting. She's not so subtly dropping hints to my husband that we should give up our NYE and NY holiday time and our upcoming weekend so that K can stay with her and spend more time with the Uncle. Um, no. In the past we have always made an effort to try and make it so K can see her Uncle when he visits, but that's when we're actually told ahead of time. But BM didn't bother telling us he was coming in town. Until right now. We already scheduled my family's Christmas to take place on NYE-NY day, we're doing family photos this weekend and we have a birthday party this weekend. A little notice would be super helpful. When my husband told her that we already made plans for NYE and NY as well as this upcoming weekend, BM stopped claiming that K was upset about missing her Uncle and it suddenly became that K is upset about being here 2 weekends in a row and that she's been having a really hard time with this schedule and wants to change it to alternating weekends.
Seriously? This has been the schedule for the last 2 years lady. There's only a 5th weekend of the month 4 frigging times a year and you're complaining about my husband having it? What about this past Labor Day weekend when it was BM's holiday and we didn't get to see K for 3 weekends straight? We didn't complain because that's the holiday schedule. It sucks, but we all have to do without sometimes. Of course, my husband told her he's not willing to change the schedule unless it's going to be done in a way to give him more time with K. And once again, we're the bad guys that are "hurting K and not putting her interests first." Please. BM, you mean we're not putting your interests first. K has said repeatedly to us as well as Gma (BM's mom) that she wants to be here more so she can be with her siblings.
When we picked up K on NYE she was visibly upset. We asked what was wrong and she said that BM told her that we're trying to "keep her" from her Uncle and BM's family. Excuse me? Geez, way to ring in the New Year with even more emotional manipulation BM. We assured K that there must have been a "misunderstanding" (I swear, we use that word so much it's getting old) and that we would never try and keep her from family members, but things just weren't planned out far enough in advance and we already made plans. We let her know that she could definitely call BM, Gma and the Uncle to say "Happy New Years" and she cheered right up. Not another peep was made from K about the Uncle until yesterday when she told us they were all going to Disneyland today. She never got upset, cried or anything.
The cynical part of me knew this would happen. I knew that once the baby got here and K was excited about being a big sister, BM would amp up her stupid games. She spent the entire pregnancy trying to poison K against the baby, and now that we've managed to not only keep K excited about the baby but also successfully keep K involved, BM is raising a ruckus again. I'm so annoyed and angry. Blame it on the lack of sleep, hormones, constant breastfeeding/pumping, whatever you want, but I'm furious with that woman. Why can't she just let K be? Why must she continue to be so dysfunctionally co-dependent on that poor little girl and refuse to let K feel what she feels and not make her feel guilty for it?
If you made it to this point, you're a saint! Thanks for letting me vent. I know my husband appreciates me venting here instead of to him. Especially when he's angry and on edge waiting for BM to file yet another frivolous Ex Parte, which is her MO when she doesn't get her way.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Gotta vent before I go ahead and say what I want...
I so totally understand how you feel! SD's BM did the exact same thing to us this year. SD messaged me on FB telling me she didn't want to come over on christmas day like planned. I told her to call her father and tell him and to tell him why. When she finally called she was crying. Apparently BM had told her that we weren't planning on letting her spend any time with BM on christmas day. Which was a lie because we were planning on taking her back at 4pm. We were only getting her from 9pm CE till 4pm CD and then the following weekend out of her whole winter break. This will be the first year FI has gotten her ON Christmas day and for more than 4 hours because last year it was her mothers christmas and the years before that FI lived out of state and was unable to come home for christmas(financial reasons). Well FI gave in(wasn't happy but was best for SD) and we took her home at noon. When we went to leave my DS mentioned going to my dad's for christmas and she begged to call BM to see if she could go with us. She was not happy but we told her that we were sorry and that we had planned to take her but she said she wanted to spend time with her mom so thats how the plan would stay.
Sorry about my vent there. Once again I understand why you needed to vent.
look after yourself and get some rest. shake this of and take a few deep breaths.
Don't give BM the power to ruin your day, she doesn't deserve it.
Focus on your happy home and healthy kids.
I know. I know.
I also know that I cannot change BM and it's up to BM to change her own behavior.
It's really hard seeing K manipulated this way. In my heart I know K is (mostly) happy and healthy. I'm just hoping the emotional manipulation and guilt from BM won't have a long term impact on K, and that one day BM will find some peace and contentment in her own life so that K can finally see her mother happy.
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