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So i just found this board and i need some opinions...

Caitlanb58Caitlanb58
in Blended Families
My boyfriend has two kids from his previous marriage ages 4 and 5 and we are having our first in May. My view on EVERYTHING in life changed the moment i found out i was pregnant, and i notice different things and things bother me that didn't before. What it all comes down to is that i don't agree with the way he is raising his kids and i am freaking out on the inside because i don't want my son raised the same way. He has no pacience with his kids, cusses in front of them. The kids know what beer looks and smells like. I could go on and on. I am realizing we have totally different morals. My anxiety is so incredibly high right now, i catch myself not breathing. I haven't brought it up because i don't want it to seem like I'm throwing in the towel, but it was my choice to be with him as he is, i feel like i cant ask him to be a different person.
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Re: So i just found this board and i need some opinions...

  • Caitlanb58Caitlanb58
    patience*
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  • cole2144cole2144 member
    You guys need to have a serious come to Jesus talk about all of your concerns and if things don`t change you may have to walk. If he has not changed in all this time I find it hard to believe he will. You never had a problem with him treating his children this way before? That should have been a serious red flag.
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  • KTdiditKTdidit member
    I agree with PPs. You need to have a talk with him and be completely honest. I can sort of understand where you're coming from. Your whole perspective changes as soon as you find out you're gonna be a mommy. You notice things you never would've before and you have different priorities. But yes you definitely need to talk with the baby's father.
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  • karatechrissykaratechrissy member
    imagewendilea:

    This is why you should really get to know someone before you procreate with them.

    Is it that you were not exposed to the kids before, or you were partying hard with him and just didn't notice he was a sh!tty dad?  He's not going to change.  If you cannot come to some agreement about how to parent your child, you may have to walk.  There are worse things than being a single mom, and staying with this guy may be one of them.

    ding ding ding***

    This might be one of those 'life lessons' you have to learn the hard way. How long were you together before you got pg? How did you not see those things you listed as bothersome before?????

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  • twister22twister22 member

    imagecole2144:
    You guys need to have a serious come to Jesus talk about all of your concerns and if things don`t change you may have to walk. If he has not changed in all this time I find it hard to believe he will. You never had a problem with him treating his children this way before? That should have been a serious red flag.

    All of this. 

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  • FutureMrsWittigFutureMrsWittig member

    You need to hire a therapist or couples counselor and a lawyer.  You guys need to start working together NOW to decide what kind of parents you're going to be to the child you share.  And you need to get a plan in place for how things are going to go if you CAN'T agree.  Do it now while you're on decent terms.

    Just remember, you knew how he was going in.  He's probably going to feel like you're pulling the rug out from under him.  He's probably not going to react well to being told that you don't like the way he parents.  However, that doesn't mean you're wrong and should just live with it.  How your child is raised is a big deal.  I guess what I'm saying is be preapared.

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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  • Caitlanb58Caitlanb58
    imagewendilea:

    This is why you should really get to know someone before you procreate with them.

    Is it that you were not exposed to the kids before, or you were partying hard with him and just didn't notice he was a sh!tty dad?  He's not going to change.  If you cannot come to some agreement about how to parent your child, you may have to walk.  There are worse things than being a single mom, and staying with this guy may be one of them.

     

    The main thing that attracted me to him was how great he was with his kids. He doesnt have them full time, so i wasn't always around when they were with him at his home. I don't think he is a shitty dad, i just think he has some growing up to do. I broke down and mentioned some things that he does that bother me and it actually went very well. He said he didn't know i was bothered and he would try hard to work on changing things. There are definately a few more things to talk about  but I am bothered by things from second-hand smoke to how his kids don't know table manners. My son is my first priority , nothing will change that.

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