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Advice?

CarynJeanGCarynJeanG member
in Blended Families

Hi Everyone,

Well I have a question and my story is a little long but I feel like you all need to know the gist of it before you can give a solid opinion on it.

Ok so when I was 18, I got out of a terrible relationship and started dating this guy (dd bf). This relationship wasn't much better, I moved in with his family into a 2 bedroom apartment and became very close to his Dad and Sisters. Things would be great one minute and he would flip out and become overly possessive and abusive (physically and mentally) the next. He was an alcoholic and into drugs which probably led to the mood swings.  We broke up once because of an incident where he broke all of my possessions and threatened to kill me if I left. I moved back home and being a dumb teenager I went back to him because he said he "loved" me. 

Everything was ok for the next few months, it turned for the worse again shortly after. His family was always supportive of me and seemed to care for me but their financial situation became increasingly worse and I started paying all of the bills for his family while he never kept a job because of various reasons. The stress started building and I came home one day to him drunk on the couch and I was so ticked we got into a argument that turned into me being thrown down the stairs and spit on. I called the cops and he went to jail for a dv. I moved in with a friend and started to put my life back together. I met a new guy (FI) and started an amazing relationship. About 2 weeks after we had been together I found out I was 3 months preg with my dd from my previous relationship. I was distraught and told (fI) that I was preg.

A mutual friend told dd bf that I was preg and he never contacted me till I was about 32 weeks, he threatened me and said that he was going to be involved in her life if I liked it or not. Now that I was in protective mama bear mode I wasnt having that and told him if he wanted any rights what so ever he was going to have to take me to court. He is not on the birth certificate and has only seen her once because he was moving to NM and we live in WA so i figured i wouldn't have to deal with him anymore after hours of harassing phone calls and random show ups to my job unannounced. I really want him just to leave me alone tbh.. He hasnt contacted me since he moved or anything almost 2 years now. 

His family wants to have a relationship but I dont know what I should do and if I should have a relationship with them or just disassociate from them? 

* Sorry this is so long 

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Re: Advice?

  • +just+j++just+j+ member

    I am not one to advocate dis-associating, but I see no good coming fro this.  These are people who too advantage of you.  They should never of had you paying their bills. Plus, they are the ones who raised this man.

    If they want rites to see this child, they can take you to court. And I think we know that won't happen.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • CarynJeanGCarynJeanG member
    Thank you. I feel the exact same way. I just feel like sometimes I am being over selfish because its not their fault their son is a .. well you know.
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  • twister22twister22 member
    I am also not one to discourage relationships with family, but I would not be getting anywhere near this. J is right, his family took advantage of you too. I would stay as far away from that family as possible. If they want rights to see DD, they can take you to court.
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    I agree w twister and J. Stay far away from all of them. Ignore the requests, they will bring nothing good to you or your baby.
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  • KTdiditKTdidit member
    Another vote for HECK NO! You and your LO don't need that mess in your life.
    BabyFetus Ticker


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  • CarynJeanGCarynJeanG member
    Thanks Ladies! It's just validation that I am doing the right thing. I was really hoping not to hear... " You are just being bitter and you are taking it out on the wrong people. In the end they are family so you have to get along with them and they have the same rights as you do..." I have heard this countless times and I am just happy that I am not hearing it now.
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    Keep courage. Move forward. Do what is right for your LO first, then take care of yourself. Everything else will follow if you let it. I agree with all PPs. Not only did theu take advantage of you, THEY ALLOWED THAT BEHAVIOR TO CONTINUE IN THEIR HOME. If I was in your shoes, I would remove them all from my world.completely. Him, his family, everyone. I'm not saying that you all haven't had issues or that no one deservez a second chance. But associating with them would bring you closer to him, and that is obviously not what you want or what your LO needs. Good luck to you, hun.
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