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Blended Families
Nineoceans
member
Lots of drama. Thoughts?
Nineoceans
member
So if you've been keeping up with my drama my ILs went over the edge when, with good reason, my dh declined to allow them to take SS on a trip.
Their flipping out lead to him not allowing them to take SS on his time without supervision/counseling which lead to them asking BM for her time.
Dh begged Bm to be on the same page and she was. She has had a horrible history with my ILs. Dh and Bm even sat down with SS and explained to him that they as parents had made a decision and SS couldn't go to his grandparents right now. Well a week goes by and Bm needs an unpaid sitter so of course she goes back to my ILs.
She of course didn't tell us this she told SS to lie and say he was at her house but eventually he told the truth and things came to a head between dh and Bm.
So now my ILs love Bm and we are the devil. They are suing Bm and Dh for custody and in the first hearing BM said she was happy to give my ILs two weekends a month, a week in summer and to split holidays.
Ok except we are 50/50 so that means our time would be cut in thirds. Dh said no to the judge, Bm said yes so the judge orders a full home investigation on all parties we just had one done like 3 mos ago with our custody with Bm. We are still in litigation over that case.
They also SUED us in civil court when my baby was two weeks old but they lost miserably because the judge did not find them to be credible. Which is probably because they are not and just used the courtroom as a forum to shout at us and call my dh a loser and me a liar. The judge saw through it
Ok fast forward. We asked my SIL to stay out of it. She technically started the fight between dh and ILs but that is way too long of a story to go into.
She and Dh had lunch and decided they both have nieces and nephews they want to stay involved with so they were going to facilitate visits with the kids and stay civil.
SIL asks to visit with SS one weekend and Dh didn't respond because he was working. So she asks Bm and Bm says yes on the next weekend. Dh obviously finds out, SIL is not holding up her agreement to stay impartial.
Fast forward to now, congrats if you've made it this far, SIL hasn't seen our new baby and is clearly dying to.
Dh has been texting his niece to coordinate how she will get her Xmas presents from us and SIL gets involved and says they will come to our house and also visit with the baby.
So at first I didn't really care but the more I think about it I really do care. These people put me through nothing but stress all trough my pregnancy and the first MONTHS of my innocent baby's life. There is so much more but I want to make sure it's not a novel.
Long story short SIL did not stay impartial and now she's holding her kids hostage from us.
I can allow her to come over and just leave when she gets here, I can stay for the visit and pretend everything's fine and take the high road for her kids or I can tell dh to just cancel it. He wanted to cancel it anyways because he feels the way I do but I'm not sure what message that sends to his nieces.
Obviously my baby will not know the difference so half of me doesn't care but the other half of me thinks they do not deserve the privilege of meeting my baby. People in his life only want the best for him and his family and this is obviously not where my ILs are coming from.
Would you let SIL visit your baby under these circumstances?
Their flipping out lead to him not allowing them to take SS on his time without supervision/counseling which lead to them asking BM for her time.
Dh begged Bm to be on the same page and she was. She has had a horrible history with my ILs. Dh and Bm even sat down with SS and explained to him that they as parents had made a decision and SS couldn't go to his grandparents right now. Well a week goes by and Bm needs an unpaid sitter so of course she goes back to my ILs.
She of course didn't tell us this she told SS to lie and say he was at her house but eventually he told the truth and things came to a head between dh and Bm.
So now my ILs love Bm and we are the devil. They are suing Bm and Dh for custody and in the first hearing BM said she was happy to give my ILs two weekends a month, a week in summer and to split holidays.
Ok except we are 50/50 so that means our time would be cut in thirds. Dh said no to the judge, Bm said yes so the judge orders a full home investigation on all parties we just had one done like 3 mos ago with our custody with Bm. We are still in litigation over that case.
They also SUED us in civil court when my baby was two weeks old but they lost miserably because the judge did not find them to be credible. Which is probably because they are not and just used the courtroom as a forum to shout at us and call my dh a loser and me a liar. The judge saw through it
Ok fast forward. We asked my SIL to stay out of it. She technically started the fight between dh and ILs but that is way too long of a story to go into.
She and Dh had lunch and decided they both have nieces and nephews they want to stay involved with so they were going to facilitate visits with the kids and stay civil.
SIL asks to visit with SS one weekend and Dh didn't respond because he was working. So she asks Bm and Bm says yes on the next weekend. Dh obviously finds out, SIL is not holding up her agreement to stay impartial.
Fast forward to now, congrats if you've made it this far, SIL hasn't seen our new baby and is clearly dying to.
Dh has been texting his niece to coordinate how she will get her Xmas presents from us and SIL gets involved and says they will come to our house and also visit with the baby.
So at first I didn't really care but the more I think about it I really do care. These people put me through nothing but stress all trough my pregnancy and the first MONTHS of my innocent baby's life. There is so much more but I want to make sure it's not a novel.
Long story short SIL did not stay impartial and now she's holding her kids hostage from us.
I can allow her to come over and just leave when she gets here, I can stay for the visit and pretend everything's fine and take the high road for her kids or I can tell dh to just cancel it. He wanted to cancel it anyways because he feels the way I do but I'm not sure what message that sends to his nieces.
Obviously my baby will not know the difference so half of me doesn't care but the other half of me thinks they do not deserve the privilege of meeting my baby. People in his life only want the best for him and his family and this is obviously not where my ILs are coming from.
Would you let SIL visit your baby under these circumstances?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Lots of drama. Thoughts?
Nope.
I think adults who act badly shouldn't be rewarded by getting what they want.
If you really want to go out of your way to be nice and make an effort, you could suggest meeting at some type of neutral location. But I personally would not have someone like that in my home.
Holy moly, how do you deal with that!?!
No, I would let everything get worked out first.
Yep.
I agree with this as well.