How much is too much?

+just+j+ · January 2013

For those in distant relationships with the other parent, how often do you send pictures either by phone, email or other electronic means? And what do you think is appropriate?

I'm not talking formal pictures, just impromptu day to day kind of shots.

michelle04us · January 2013

I only send about once a month. However DS is almost 7 and doesn't change much from month to month either. Sometimes I won't send if I don't hear anything from BF for a while either(not a very communicative BF).

Ilumine · January 2013

None. Honestly, unless the other parent were in the military where they HAD to legally PCS or I choose to move, its not up to me to keep the other parent up to date with pictures.

Medical and educational updates, you betcha. If there were any emotional/personal issues, all about an email. But anything else is up to the other parent to figure out through...I don't know...parenting.

now, I would never ever interfere with their communications. But I sure as hell am not going to send pictures out.

Ilumine · January 2013

He'll, DH and I just got into a row about the fact that I don't send HIS mother/sisters pictures of Monkey when I send my family pictures.

HELLO, they are YOUR family. Why am I the conduits? Becuase I have a vagina?

twister22 · January 2013

BD isn't long distance, but I'll play along because he was for awhile (by his own choice and for zero good reason).

None. He doesn't text or call and he skips visits. It is not my responsibility to send him updated pictures. If he wants to know what DS looks like he can take his visits. Now, if he was a good BD and saw DS when he was able to and still wanted pictures, I would send them to him if he prompted me first - i.e. sent a text asking me to send a pic of DS.

Annplus1 · January 2013

Agree with PP. None unless requested. And even then, short and sweet. It's not your job to make sure he has a relationship with your DD, it's your job make sure she is available for her visits.

fellesferie · January 2013

I used to send some.

Now nothing unless requested. And nothing is requested, so...

Littlejen22 · January 2013

twister22:
BD isn't long distance, but I'll play along because he was for awhile by his own choice and for zero good reason.None. He doesn't text or call and he skips visits. It is not my responsibility to send him updated pictures. If he wants to know what DS looks like he can take his visits. Now, if he was a good BD and saw DS when he was able to and still wanted pictures, I would send them to him if he prompted me first nbsp;i.e. sent a text asking me to send a pic of DS.nbsp;

This was us. If BM visited and asked for pics I would have sent them but this is their child they are supposed to be raising, this is not an open adoption where pics is all they get.

HChad · January 2013

IMHO, bare minimum when pics are requested. My DH's ExW used to be very good about sending pics for occasions (birthday, Halloween, Christmas, random funny things, ect) but has completely shut down since court proceedings aren't going her way. Three requests have been sent for pics from Christmas, did our gifts arrive (we're in a different part of the country) and all have been ignored. DH does know one gift arrived, as he sent it to ExW's parents' when she implied they were there a week before Christmas and we had sent our gifts a few days before. His former MIL texted that the gift arrived and she would be taking it to SD when they went to their home for Christmas.

Just my opinion, as a SM.

J&A2008 · January 2013

fellesferie:
I used to send some.Now nothing unless requested. And nothing is requested, so... nbsp;

Same. Used to be every couple months, then just holiday/special occasion, now none.

CurlyQ284 · January 2013

We are long distance NCP, we are FB friends with BM for that reason. We just see each others pix in Facebook. Occasionally, BM will send a text with pix in it. Like if the girls got new haircuts or a video of them doing something silly.

katie_cj · January 2013

I send pictures a few times a month.

We aren't friends on Facebook, but I am friends with his mother and a few other family members. When I post pictures to Facebook, I email some to him too. I also text him random pictures once in a while.

It's an easy way to keep the peace and he really appreciates it.

He also sends me pictures once in a while.

SimpleJane · January 2013

My situation is much different than yours, we live close and have 50/50, but we send eachother pics a few times a month if they are doing something cute. I know when they lose a tooth or something like that I like to share it with him.

I might be in the minority here, but I dont see the problem with you sending him a picture every now and then. Just don't expect anything in return, and don't feel like you are required to.

HisChamaoleGirl · January 2013

When SS is with us at least three to four pics a week. SS usually asks "HCG, can you take a pic and send it to my mom?" He wants her to see everything he does while he is with us. I know I dont have to, but I do it for SS. I send it with a text saying "SS asked me to send you this" so BM doesnt think we are just rubbing it in that we do activities with him.

BM doesnt send DH any pictures. No formal or day to day ones. I wish she would, but it doesnt happen. Except for when she emails DH pictures of the dog they shared. Thats pretty annoying.

HisChamaoleGirl · January 2013

Ilumine:

None. Honestly, unless the other parent were in the military where they HAD to legally PCS or I choose to move, its not up to me to keep the other parent up to date with pictures.

Medical and educational updates, you betcha. If there were any emotional/personal issues, all about an email. But anything else is up to the other parent to figure out through...I don't know...parenting.

now, I would never ever interfere with their communications. But I sure as hell am not going to send pictures out.

Youre so reasonable! I wish you were our BM lol

+just+j+ · January 2013

He keeps making comments/complaints about how I need to send pictures. I do. And I like it when he sends me pics when she's with him, but I also don't think it's my responsibility to keep sending him pictures. I'm getting a bit annoyed now like it's my responsibility to make sure he stays visually connected to his daughter.

I put pics out on facebook pretty regularly, so it's not like he can't see her there either. I'm just kind of annoyed with him and I'm at the point where I'm really shutting down and not really giving a crap now that he's decided to move and the whole deceitful and secretive way he is going about things.

I know one thing. I'm getting professional pictures take of DD and I Saturday. He's not getting any of them until he shares in the expense and pays for what he wants. And I am NOT sending any to his family. I know damn well he'll ask me to.

CFjo2010 · January 2013

Ilumine:
None. nbsp;Honestly, unless the other parent were in the military where they HAD to legally PCS or I choose to move, its not up to me to keep the other parent up to date with pictures.Medical and educational updates, you betcha. If there were any emotional/personal issues, all about an email. nbsp;But anything else is up to the other parent to figure out through...I don't know...parenting.now, I would never ever interfere with their communications. But I sure as hell am not going to send pictures out. nbsp;nbsp;

I completely agree with all of this.

If the kids directly ask me to take a picture of something and send it to DC or BM, we do it. But we don't arbitrarily take candid photos and send them.

FutureMrsWittig · January 2013

I send them 4 times a year on a CD (Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall). BM takes them and uploads them to facebook like she took them. I don't mind, because it makes my SD feel important and included.

In my mind (I'm a SM) I always try to act the way I wish BM would or the way I would hope any step-parent would if DH and I ever split up. (The way I would HOPE, not the way I would expect.) I wish BM would share pictures with us, but I know she won't and I don't expect her to. It's just one of those "wouldn't that be nice" things. And I want to be nice, so I do.

I guess I'm advocating "Be what you'd want to see"

CFjo2010 · January 2013

Ilumine:
HELLO, they are YOUR family. nbsp;Why am I the conduits? Becuase I have a vagina? nbsp;

Hahahahaha exactly!! I swear there must be some other definition of vagina somewhere that says, "Bearer is also responsible for making sure Christmas cards, birthday cards, anniversary cards are sent out to all family and friends, even inlaws and coworkers."

KTdidit · January 2013

Ilumine:
None. Honestly, unless the other parent were in the military where they HAD to legally PCS or I choose to move, its not up to me to keep the other parent up to date with pictures.
Medical and educational updates, you betcha. If there were any emotional/personal issues, all about an email. But anything else is up to the other parent to figure out through...I don't know...parenting.
now, I would never ever interfere with their communications. But I sure as hell am not going to send pictures out.

THIS! all of it, especially the bold. BF and I aren't on very good speaking terms, he sees DS every other weekend. He can take all the pics he wants when he has him.

Ilumine · January 2013

*HiS ChAmAoLe GiRL*:
Ilumine:

None. Honestly, unless the other parent were in the military where they HAD to legally PCS or I choose to move, its not up to me to keep the other parent up to date with pictures.

Medical and educational updates, you betcha. If there were any emotional/personal issues, all about an email. But anything else is up to the other parent to figure out through...I don't know...parenting.

now, I would never ever interfere with their communications. But I sure as hell am not going to send pictures out.

Youre so reasonable! I wish you were our BM lol

it kills me when a baby-girl gets knocked up by someone in the military and then TURNS AROUND and uses his service against him.

fauxshelley · January 2013

tifanico:
In your case, I wouldn't send squat unless he requests them.

My XH and I have an amicable relationship (currently), so he sees the kids pics on my fb, but I also send him text pictures about once a week. Just whenever the kids do something funny or look cute and I take a picture for me, I'll usually send it to him too.

^ I totally agree with Tif on the above. ^

Littlejen22 · January 2013

I agree, never send one pic to his horrendous family, there is zero reason to keep in touch with them or encourage a relationship. As for him, he can see FB and that's it. If he asks you to send them to his family I would laugh out loud and tell him he can do it himself, you are no longer his wife and he'll, Ilumine is right, having a vagina does not mean you need to do crap for him even if you were still together.

lily_721 · January 2013

We never send anything. BM has completely checked out of parenting. She told SS1 that she expects us to pay for everything because we are "rich." I pass along the school picture information, she can pay for them if she is interested. That is the only picture that is provided.

Want a personalized experience?

How much is too much?

Re: How much is too much?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards