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Blended Families
twinkl5379
member
Update on s-kids & nieces visit
twinkl5379
member
A few wks ago I posted about bringing my 2 nieces back to visit us after Christmas (they live across the country). We had skids as well; the kids play very well together. Things went really well.
What I noticed is that it's so much easier for me to be part of the b-family when I have my nieces around. I think the reason is that I feel like I'm "contributing to the family" and don't feel like the part that makes it blended, even after almost 6 years.
I think my b-family situation would be easier if my family lived here too b/c I'd get to be part of my bio-family and the step-family. But it is what it is, and that's fine. (background: I left home and moved to another state to be w/my H so he could remain close to his kids; our relationship started long distance after meeting through work.)
But it was just so nice and such a relief to have a great time with the s-kids and my nieces who are very special to me.
And I think this gives me insight as to why they say being a s-mom is the most difficult for women with no children. It's just different when I am responsible for children too (even if only for a week!).
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Re: Update on s-kids & nieces visit
So why is it easier for you to interact with your nieces then your husband's children or his nieces/nephews?
Other than BLOOD TIES, they are still children that have parents other than you. You still had to ask their parents to hug them right?
It is easier to interact with my nieces because I've known them since they were born. I held them in my arms when they were newborns. They love me, I love them they miss me and they show it; I feel the same toward them. They call me regularly. They send me drawings, letters, etc. We have a bond that we've maintained even since I moved away.
Another reason it's easier is simply the dynamics. I can't explain it any way other than this. I don't recall any books, therapists and support groups needed for the difficulties of being an aunt. Typically, it's a very fun, enjoyable role, which has been my experience being both an aunt and a niece.
On the other hand, a step-mom is known to be a very difficult role that many women struggle with hence support groups such as this, books, therapists etc.
To support the above points...
I have an aunt in her late 50's whose been a s-mom for over 20 yrs. She married a man with 3 kids. She never had kids of her own, but has been very active in her s-kids and their children's lives. She's been wonderful to them and accepted them fully.
She and I talked this summer about being a s-mom. Even she said that as much as she loves them, her bio nieces/nephews are her "family" - even more so than her s-kids. This was in the context of her planning her estate, if something were to happen to her. She said had things left to her s-kids, but the real sentimental/valuable pieces were going to her nieces/nephews; she said this caused some issues with her husband, but this was her wish.
I was honestly surprised to hear her say that b/c I know how involved she is in their lives. She also said that it was much easier when her s-kids started having kids and she became a step-grandma. And she referenced the benefit of "being there from the beginning with them."