Brother Vent....
erind0213
member
This might seem gift grabby to some but I am a little peeved right now at my brother and need to vent.This may be flame worthy, but so continues the love hate relationship I have with my brother and his wife!
So obviously my DD is a December baby, well my brother's 2 daughters are also December kids, the 9th and the 21st.
I make sure I send both nieces a card with either money or gift card it at the earlier part of the month for between $30-$40 each. Then at Christmas, I either get them an outfit or two, a game, toy etc. usually again around a $30-40.00 per child. (Mind you I have 6 nieces/nephews to buy for).
So this year, my brother doesn't send a card for DD's birthday, no call or anything. Then he forgets to give DD'sc x "gift" to my mom to bring home from VA. Well it arrived in the mail today, and it is vest, shirt and pants. Nothing else, no card, no separate birthday gift that was it. Both the tops were 3T and the bottoms 18-24 months.
Part of me is fuming because I make it a point to make sure that his girls don't get any less then the rest of the kids just because their bdays fall in December, and because my Brother and Sister in Law are much more "well-off" then DH and I, and could easily afford to acknowledge both. It seems that they are cheap when it comes to everyone but themselves.
Part of me wants to cut back on what I give the girls next year, and maybe just exchange for Christmas but the other half of me says they shouldn't be penalized because their parents.....
Re: Brother Vent....
I get what you're saying.
The money or the amount of gifts doesn't really matter, but it would be nice if they acknowledged your DD's bday with a phone call or card. I'm sure they would think it was rude if you didn't acknowledge their kids' bdays in any way. But like you said, it wouldn't be fair to their kids for you to ignore them on their bdays just because you're upset with your brother.
That's crummy. Some people are just thoughtless.
I would still get their kids seperate birthday and xmas gifts cause I wouldn't want them to think I'm upset with them or anything, you know?
I totally understand where you are coming from. My two sisters with kids are the same way in regards to birthdays. My olderst nephew(18 now) was born when I was in college (read poor )- I ALWAYS managed to send him a gift EVERY year until he was 16 and ungrateful so I stopped- I have given the other neices/nephews birthday gifts every year also (and I use to pay for expensive riding lessons/karate classes)- but this year when my boys turned 2-nothing-no calls, no cards, no acknowledgement. I was PISSED. So I am NOT buying birthday gifts for any freaking body.
While it shouldn't be tit for tat- there comes a point when you are being disrespected and that has to stop.
Maybe we're weird but we don't do birthday or Christmas gifts for our siblings or our nieces and nephews. We usually draw names for a gift exchange with the sibs (although this year everyone decided to skip that, too, and give to charity instead), but other than that no one exchanges gifts. DH has a big family though, so maybe that's why.
Maybe you could talk to your brother and see if he wants to continue exchanging gifts or if he'd be more comfortable not exchanging gifts?
Thanks everyone.
My brother and I have always had this tough relationship. I don't plan to punish the kids, but I think cutting back on what I spend may be the way to go.
Last year I gave them each $50.00 for their birthday, but had cut back to $30.00 this year, and may need to drop it to $20.
For Christmas, they got complete outfits from the gap which due to an awesome sale I was able to stay within my budget, and a jewelery craft thing. They are 9 and 12, so not so much into the toys as much as they used to be, but when they were, that is what I typically catered to, barbie, hello kitty, princesses etc. because unlike my brother, and his wife I inquired about their sizes and likes and what not.
Gift wise, once we have kids in our family, we stop exchanging with our siblings, and just do the kids and our parents.
The tension has been since my SIL came into the picture, and have a history of speaking on and off, because he tends to have an inflated ego.